to wibu to ask the doctor to give me something?

[extremepie]

Bf and I broke up yesterday as I found out he had cheated on me :(

Feel like my heart has been ripped out and emotionally I am a wreck, crying most of the day etc.

At the moment though what is really affecting me is the physical things, I feel so sick, like a have a lead weight in my stomach which is making me not eat, which is making me feel more sick etc. In the last 24 hours I have had about 10 spoonfuls of soup and half a yogurt, I honestly could not force down any more than that, tried to eat a banana took one bite and almost threw up!

My whole body is shaking, especially my hands, probably from the hunger and my chest aches like I've been punched. Have extremely bad headaches from all the crying and I got about 3 hours sleep last night!

Now I know that the only thing that can really heal me is time and I just have to wait for it to pass so to speak but can I ask the doctor to give me anything to help with the physical stuff in the meantime? I was planning to see the doctor anyway to get a check up for sti's etc so thought maybe I should ask while I was there?

Honestly feel like I wouldn't feel quite so shitty if I could get some rest but at the moment I cant :(Part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night was because my stomach hurt so much :(

I don't want to take anti-depressants because I know this is only temporary and it will pass but if I asked for sleeping tablets or something to help the nausea would they give it to me? I know there's no pill for a broken heart sadly but I'm worried I won't be able to look after the kids for long in the state I'm in I can hardly stand up straight :(

I'm a GP and Macdoodle speaks for every single GP I know. Sadly the days of doctors being professional comforters and hand-holders are well and truly over. There just isn't the capacity in the system any more.

And frankly, unless someone had pre existing mental health problems that Were well documented, prescribing addictive benzodiazepines to someone in distress the day after a relationship break up would be considered negligent. If that person overdosed and died the GP wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

And I am particularly upset by your response because the OP was specifically requesting advice about whether to see a GP, you stood up as a GP and slated her, several times.

She has children, often the first point of access to extra support is through the GP. If the OP was worried about her ability to care for the children the GP would be the person to arrange extra support - your response could have prevented the OP requesting that access.

God it's like the daily mail vomited all over this thread.

The poor woman has no one else in her life apart from her sister. She is struggling and wanted to ask her GP for help. What the fuck is wring with that? Go debate what's wring with the nhs on another thread, not one where the op has gone through loads of shit, and try to blame the failing of the nhs solely on her.

Lots of people have babies, some get mild blues, some get depressed. However women are encouraged to seek help if they are struggling. Why should a break up be different? They happen to us all, but they can hit some people harder than others for a variety of reasons.

Mac doodle sounds like she has a severe case of compassion fatigue and should consider retiring if she has so much contempt for her patients.

Nonsense, I never slated her once. I answered her question that yes I thought it was unreasonable to see her GP to be prescribed something. I never addressed her or her OP directly after that, I addressed other posters who were frankly being absurd. In fact I thought the OP came back and posted again in a far more sensible manner.
Frankly the outrage and hysteria on here whenever there is any suggestion that a doctor doesnt do whatever you want whenever you want is appalling and just demonstrates the problem.
Slating me professionally is just ridiculous, you have no idea what kind of GP I am in real life, just as I have no idea what kind of person you are (outraged and ridiculous spring to mind however). I also really couldnt care less what you think of me. My excellent relationship with my patients is enough for me, and many of those will happily wait 3 weeks to see me, I guess I must be doing something right some of the time. Thats enough for me.

Yes well part of the problem is droves of GP's well off retirement age, retiring early, emigrating, or resigning their partnerships because they can no longer deal with the mountain of crap thrown our way. There is a serious GP recruitment and retention problem, the rest of us are desperately propping up a failing system and trying to do the best for our patients. Wish I could retire, but thanks to the government changing the goalposts I am stuck for another 20 years at least, imagine what I'll be like then!

If the children are under 5, and help is needed, the first port of call would be the health visitor. Over 5 it could be social services, or school nurse, depending what help someone wanted.

The Samaritans are probably the best people to talk to in an acute short-term distressed situation, when the cause of the distress is something that the sufferer knows is circumstantial and will pass.

Even a sick note isn't needed until a week has past, as up until then you can self certify.

If OP presented to me in surgery I would be kind and sympathetic, I wouldn't tell her she'd wasted my time. I would say I was sorry she was so distressed, I would tell her time will heal the pain. But it would be an inappropriate use of my time, given that people with conditions actually requiring medical input may have been unable to get an appointment that day. And I absolutely would not prescribe addictive and dangerous drugs to someone in her situation.

And finally, this is AIBU. It's not relationships, or mental health. Responses are often harsh and brutally frank, it goes with the territory.

OP I wish you well, heartbreak is horrible, we've all been there. But time will pass and you will feel better.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. It seems like you are having an extreme physical reaction to the stress of your break up. Please do what you whatever you think you need to feel better. You are not to blame for feeling badly. If you can, try to take things in baby steps. When I have been a severe spiral, I would make a plan to get through the minutes and the hours. I am sending you hugs and hope you will start to feel better soon.

I read about half this thread and skipped to the end to comment because it's made me so angry.

Whether or not the relationship lasted months or years it is grief. I tried to cope on my own, self medicating with booze and fags (some of the great advice touted on here) after a relationship of eight years ended. We didn't have kids, weren't married and didn't live together so I'm sure some of the MN jury on here would say that it hardly counted as a relationship. Clearly the advice of many here would have been to watch bloody Four Weddings and a Funeral, drink a bottle of Blossom Hill and hit the disco. This was also the advice of those around me- unfortunately it didn't work.

I left it far too long to seek help and spent about three months crying in bed all day and drinking myself to death all night. I slept with unsuitable men, put myself in physical danger and smoked cannabis in a bud to cope. I ended up cracking, getting on a train from where I was living 100 miles from home and phoning my best friend and saying I honestly thought I might throw myself in the sea that night as I couldn't see a way forward. She stayed on the phone with me for four hours while I journeyed home to my parents and once there I told my mum I couldn't cope and that I didn't know what to do.

The next day she took me to my GP and came in with me while I explained everything- long term and abusive relationship ended, no hope, not eating, not sleeping, drinking and self medicating. He was an "old school" and straight talking" GP who told me he only believed in talking therapy for MH issues such as this and never prescribed drugs for "girls who get their hearts broken" and wouldn't prescribe so much as 2mg of Valium to help me get a decent nights sleep. He said the only option I had that he was willing to offer me was to have me sectioned there and then so that I had access to residental psychiatric care and that he could only do that if I admitted to him there and then that I was suicidal. I wasn't suicidal, I was manic and not coping, so he wanted me to lie to obtain help.

It was only because my mum was there and kicked up a fuss that I eventually, a few hours later, saw a different GP. This GP was less of a complete fucking idiot and diagnosed me as having had a nervous breakdown. She prescribed me a week of Valium, booked me in for some therapy and a week later started me on Prozac. Without a doubt she and my mothers refusal to take me away from that surgery that day saved my life.

Thank god for both of them. I only hope OP has the support I did the strength to push for help and not listen to some of the absolute bollocks being peddled on this thread. Woe betide her if she doesn't. If you need a doctor, if you need to take something to help you cope then for heavens sake, do it. How perceptive of you to realise so early on that you need help rather than trying to cope alone for months.

Shame on the posters here who have scoffed and mocked her pain. Her blood is truly on your hands if she follows your ridiculous advice and tries to cope alone with something she can't handle and fails.

Her blood is truly on your hands if she follows your ridiculous advice and tries to cope alone with something she can't handle and fails

She'd been trying for one day. You're projecting.

Projecting perhaps but not inaccurate. She comes here for help and gets some truly gobsmackingly stupid advice. Hot bath? Girlie film? Wine and a fag. Come on!

Projecting perhaps but not inaccurate

How on earth can you say at this stage - 36 hours after it happened - whether or not your prediction of how OP's breakup is going to pan out is "not inaccurate"?
And the overwhelming majority of people do actually manage to cope with relationship breakup (and a whole range of other traumatic events) using the methods you deride, so it's not outrageous that people are suggesting them.

Do they though? A lot of evidence on the relationship boards of people really not coping and coping poorly with relationship breakdowns, especially when they have very little RL support. If it was as easy as having a few wines with the girls then surely everyone would do it?

vicmackie I'm glad that you're so robust mentally that you have such faith in people's ability to cope with a situation like this. You're probably right- OP will probably be fine. But the very fact that she's asked for help here and has no RL support to speak of AND that she's coping alone with her DC (one of whom has SN) rings alarm bells for me. I don't like the tone that some posters gave taken with her and I wouldn't want to see her feeling a failure for needing help and trying to cope alone and not managing. Of that's projecting that I fully accept that's what I'm doing.

I think that the posters who came across as less than sympathetic were mainly reacting to the suggestion that the OP's acute suffering was a "medical" problem that required drug treatment, which is what the OP had originally asked.

No one can deny that being dumped is horrible. As a young woman I was dumped plenty of times, and always had a few days of sinking into utter despair, barely eating or sleeping, thinking I was useless and no one would ever love me. I think most women can identify with this.

But the point is that the vast majority of us will have picked ourselves up a few days later, after wallowing in girlie chats, soppy films, chocolate, wine etc, and face the world again. At 24 hours post break up it is normal to feel as the OP was feeling, and therefore understandable to assume it would pass.

It is wholly inappropriate to request drug treatment with dangerous and addictive drugs.

If, a couple of weeks down the line, the OP was still feeling like this, then that would be different. But if GPs saw every heartbroken person within 48 hours of break up and prescribed them all Valium, the system would crack under the pressure and Valium stocks would run out overnight!

Well wine and fags always worked for me. So maybe I was projecting from my own experience.

And this is AIBU

I haven't been able to read the entire thread so I don't know if this will help or not.

When I split from exh I experienced physical pain that was brought on by the massive emotional pain. I ended up having to take anti spasm medication because I has such severe abdominal pain.

I went to the docs as I was in agony. If there is actual pain and discomfort then they may be able to help you in the shirt time.

Hang in there, it does get easier in time

*had

Flippin auto correct!

*help you in the short term

This may sound flippant but why would anybody watch a romantic comedy to get over a breakup? Surely watching idealised images of relationships would make you feel worse, not better.

I'm told it helps to be kind to yourself and do something mindful or relaxing during periods of high stress, not all stressful times require medical attention. Part of my wellness recovery action plan includes ways to be kind to myself as a tool for helping me to cope, so i dont think it is a ridiculous suggestion.

There are also other steps OP can take before medicalising her feelings, there is often support at the school for parents going through a difficult time. Mine helped me with a DLA application, getting adult social services to do an assessment for care, and with giving me a small grant for some extra help getting the children to school and spending time at an after school club.

Over the counter sleeping medications can be less intrusive than benzos, and would be worth trying before seeking medical attention. There are some really good options, if OP were to ask a pharmacist for options, they do try to help.

I would also advise starting a thread in relationships, they are very supportive and there and good at recommending paths to try during difficult times. I found them to be a great source of support, sympathy and practical advice. It's really a great place when you have no one to talk to in real life.

An example I can think of is I was experiencing extreme exam related stress around the time of my finals. My heart rate was at over 120 bpm constantly and I felt sick and dizzy all the time. There was no way I could concentrate or study. All this stress was probably exacerabated by the fact I had had to spend a night in hospital with my suicidal heroin addict brother, and I was also looking after my 3 year old.

I went to my gp and was prescribed beta blockers which brought down my heart rate and helped me cope with my physical symptoms. I took them for a few days til my exams were over. It was a temporary stressor that would resolve in a few days, all I needed was to manage my symptoms in the meantime.

There are plenty of safe medications that can be used in the short term to manage symptoms of acute stress. The op said she wouldn't mind something to help her nausea. What the hell is wrong with an antiemetic to manage nausea whatever the cause. Pregnancy is "normal" but people still get prescribed drugs in the short term to manage morning sickness.

Anyway, that aside, I feel the op could use someone in RL to talk to and at least signpost her to some support. I just hope that she has a nice GP that is compassionate enough to consider that as part of their, and the NHS' remit.

Take care of yourself OP. X

And fwiw even benzos can be used perfectly safely in the short term if appropriate - her GP can assess that, rather us on an Internet forum.

Morning extreme
I hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
How are you feeling this morning.

Just a heads up.
Anything like this in the future - post on the relationships board.

It's ok any negative stuff is just totally washing over me at the moment, i feel so numb I'm just not absorbing any of it :/

I took some of those nytol things, they did help and I managed to get some sleep last night so I dont feel as tired which is good :) On the down side I'm tempted to take them again this morning so I can fall into bed and sleep the day away until the kids get home. When I'm asleep I'm not in pain :(

Weighed myself today - I've lost a kilo since wednesday, at least that's my diet kicked off to a great start :D Still not hungry and don't want to eat but I seem to have stopped shaking :)

Every room of my flat reminds me of him :( Every piece of furniture :( I can't even go out at the moment as I'm waiting to see a crime prevention officer so I have to just sit here and look at it all :(

Sounds so melodramatic written down :/

It is pretty obvious that the OP is going through a hard time and there is more going on in her life than just this breakup that has lead her to this frame of mind.

Some of the harsh comments here are truly disgusting to read. If it was JUST about the break up then yeah, you might have a point. I am concerned that a GP can't seem to realise that there might be other things going on in someones life to lead to such an extreme reaction.

Isn't someone having an extreme reaction like this quite worrying? doesn't it prove she might need some help to cope more with the normal ups and downs of life?

I hope all of you who have belittled someone who is obviously struggling and kicked her when she is down feel better about yourself. I know this is AIBU but what happened to common decency?

You don't even need to advance search to work out that there is much more going on with the OP and I have no medical background for fucks sake.