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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to shout at this bloody child..

437 replies

Wilberforce2 · 24/06/2014 21:20

Not sure if I'm being a bit precious but this is driving me mental.

Every Tuesday my ds does rugby 4-5 and as they are only reception and year 1 all of the parents stay. I like staying and enjoy watching him but one of the little girls of another parent is doing my head in. I have a 4 month old dd and every week this little girl does not leave her alone, constantly plays with the hood on the pram (pushing it backwards and forwards), putting her fingers in the babies mouth, kissing her on the lips, takes her toys/muslin off of her, pokes her eyes it just goes on and on. Last week this girl had a heavy cold and was constantly wiping snot around her face then walked over to dd in her pram (I dared to take my eyes off of her for a second) and stuck her fingers in her mouth, Friday my dd gets an awful cold. The mum just laughs and says "oh she is so motherly" or "she just loves babies" but I want her to tell her to leave her alone for one fricking second. Today I told the girl no a few times and had a couple of looks from the mum who then said "oh *** come over here darling I don't think you are wanted" but I can't just watch her prod and poke her for an hour, she was trying to put a pine cone in her mouth then whipped her with a muslin!

Am I being precious or would you keep telling the girl no? Little girl is 2 years old. Older brother is in my ds's class so I don't want to cause an argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 25/06/2014 10:57

Oh and bitchfest? Seriously?

Massive lack of babysitters so no one to leave her with but I'm going to tell the mum to keep the little girl away from her.

OP posts:
LumieresForMe · 25/06/2014 11:10

OP don't worry. Some people think that it's never ok to say that a toddler is doing things that are unacceptable ir that they have a snotty nose.
I haven't seen anything in your description that was unkind to the toddler.

And well done to have stand up to it. You will probably have to reinforce though. I am guessing that the child isn't used to not do what she wants and the mum isn't used to keep her little darling under close supervision.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:10

it just was not relevant to bang on about a snotty nose and 'there were even snot bubbles!' type comments do sound bitchy. she's not vermin, you know.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 25/06/2014 11:18

Vampey. In full agreement with you. X

Poppet1974 · 25/06/2014 11:19

Oh come on! I think the Op was trying to illustrate just how bad the little girl's cold was with the refer to smot bubbles!! At no point has she said or insinuated that the child was vermin or anything else.

OwlCapone · 25/06/2014 11:21

Over reaction on the part of some posters here. Saying there were snot bubbles is simply describing how snotty the child was. Its not a bitchfest.

No one has said she's vermin. She is, however, pinching a baby, ignoring requests to stop fiddling with the pram, poking the baby, putting pinecones in her mouth all whilst her mother does fuck all. It's not a surprise she doesn't understand the word "no" based on this snapshot.

What mother allows her child to poke, prod, and otherwise furtle with a baby in a pram? The other mum is being outrageously lazy/entitled.

This. its not the toddlers fault she doesn't know how to behave but its understandable that the OP might be fed up with her.

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 25/06/2014 11:22

Thanks Lumieres.

Vampyre I didn't "bang on" it was applicable to what I was saying, the girl had a heavy cold was covered in snot that she was wiping around her face yet she was still allowed to breath over my 4 month old dd and put her fingers in her mouth. My DD still has the cold now, has had a temp and been unable to drink milk properly so pissed off about it. Not once have I described the child so badly that people would think I thought of her as vermin.

But thanks for your reply Smile

OP posts:
Rosa · 25/06/2014 11:23

By any chance do you have a small baby buggy and doll- give to child to play with during the training ?? so she can 'leave the real thing alone'
You are right IMO to say no plus you shouldn't have to watch someones elses child her mum should be doing that !

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:24

just trying to imagine how I'd feel if I knew people were talking about my child like this. I'm never oblivious to mine, especially when out and about but it's totally unreasonable to feel angry at the toddler in this situation - you must know that.

OwlCapone · 25/06/2014 11:25

just trying to imagine how I'd feel if I knew people were talking about my child like this.

I would be mortified that my child had been annoying someone to this extent.

Then again, I never let any of mine do this

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:27

and I'm sorry but your DD would have gotten a cold sooner or later anyway, especially with your older child being at school.

just call the mother up on her lazy parenting.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:28

as would I owl but it would still be upsetting.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/06/2014 11:29

Poor little girl. She's a 2 year old who likes babies - that's a good thing. Fine to say to mum could you keep little girl away as I'd like to settle the baby but you are really over reacting to a tiny toddler here.

Bunnyjo · 25/06/2014 11:30

What Vampyre said; the snotty nosed comments. She is 2! If she has a snotty nose then it is, again, the fault of her mother!

I have felt like shouting at children who have deliberately hurt my DC - like the time a girl bit my DD (3yo at the time) so hard she broke the skin. Instead, I firmly said "That is not nice", then spoke to the parents to let them deal with the behaviour.

I wouldn't feel like shouting at a child like the one you've described. I would, however, speak to the parent if their child's behaviour was annoying my DC. I don't understand why you haven't done that.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/06/2014 11:30

When you watch the activity sit/stand as far away as possible. If she still come over take her back to her mum and say, "Sorry, baby Wilberforce is asleep" or "Sorry, I can't manage both of them at the moment". Make it clear you are bringing her back for her mum to look after.

spiritofthetime · 25/06/2014 11:33

2YO mother is at fault here. OP I can sympathise as I too get tired of dealing with other people's kids at after school activities. I don't mind interacting with them at all. What I do mind is when they are being ignored to the extent that they are making a nuisance of themselves. If you don't want to end up as an unpaid babysitter, you need to speak up.Move away and keep moving away. If that doesn't work, say 'X doesn't want to play now, sweetheart. Go back to mummy.' Repeat ad nauseum, with a death-stare if need be.

LumieresForMe · 25/06/2014 11:33

Well if someone was describing my dc like this I would be horrified. But not by the description. By the fact I had let my dc to be such a nuisance. And by the fact that by ignoring my dc like this, I would have been bloody rude to the other parent and child.

I don't see any issue with snot bubbles. It was a description if how bad the cold if this little girl was. Have your dc never had such a bid cold?

OP hope your dd is better soon though.

ExcuseTypos · 25/06/2014 11:37

Oh this would drive me insane. YANBU.

Why would you want a snotty child fiddling with your baby and using the pram as a toy?

As others have said, just say rather loudly "baby is asleep, please don't touch"

OwlCapone · 25/06/2014 11:41

and I'm sorry but your DD would have gotten a cold sooner or later anyway, especially with your older child being at school.

So, you'd be OK with a child sticking snot covered fingers into the mouth of your baby? Really?

Its one thing to catch a cold, quite another to have snot put in your mouth.

OwlCapone · 25/06/2014 11:44

I wouldn't be upset if a toddler of mine was described like this. I would be angry at myself for letting it happen.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to shout at an annoying child. Lord knows I've wanted to shout at a fair few during my parenting years, including my own. IMO you'd have to be a saint never to have been driven to the point of wanting to shout. The key point is that the Op did not actually shout adn has no plans to.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:45

sooo, suggesting that most babies catch a cold at some point actually means "come hither and put your snotty hands into my child's mouth."

so no, not "Really?".

i still wouldn't have an urge to shout at a 2yo or mention their 'gross' snotty nose numerous times...

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 11:46

I don't think wanting to 'shout' is that normal tbh. I only ever shout if I'm extremely angry/upset.

Whatisaweekend · 25/06/2014 11:50

owlcapone is spot on. I also like TinklyLittleLaugh's suggestion of delivering the little girl back to her useless mother saying "I am sorry, I can't manage both of them at the moment" as it really makes the point that your baby isn't their to entertain the toddler and the mother is doing naff all and needs to pull her finger out.

I do think OP has had a bit of a hard time of it over this. I would find it colossally annoying and the mother needs to put a stop to her precious darling being a total pain to someone else.

Tanith · 25/06/2014 11:58

Vampyre, I think the Op is extremely upset and her reaction is a normal one for a mother of a 4 month old baby

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/06/2014 12:00

of course the mother needs to pull her finger out.

I was having a look in poundworld at washing up bowls a couple of days ago and there was a woman with her toddler in a buggy. toddler dropped her toy and I picked it up for her - a couple of times. woman was totally oblivious as she had headphones on. who does that when pushing their (awake) child around? I could have been anyone. it's as though she was going out of her way to ignore her child who I suppose was at least unable to poke any babies. I felt judgemental but at least I know I wasn't being unreasonable now ;)