Is MIL a stingy miser?

[Lagoonablue]

MIL is pretty old but has full capacity. She is in sheltered accommodation and pays for care but is still very well off. Her accountant regularly suggests she gift large sums of money to her grandchildren for tax reasons. She ignores this. She will leave a lot when she dies. Not sure to who but a lot to the taxman too as she won't take advice.

Fair enough. I have no expectations of her giving us large sums of money regularly. It would have been nice and she can easily afford it but she didn't when we married or had kids and she seldom sends the grandchildren much on birthdays. My parents by contrast would give their last penny. Bought us the cot and pram, helped with our house deposit etc. they are not well off.

Anyway DH had a significant birthday on Friday. His mother sent him a cheque.........for fifteen pound. FFS. Why even bother?

What is she even thinking? Who sends a grown man £15?

Often it's not the older persons hard earned money anyway but left to them in turn so should flow down. Anecdotally friends from wealthy families from other cultures are given the money in young adulthood when they need it to get on the housing ladder pay for study etc yet in some wealthy English families we know granny is sitting on it whilst twenty something's are still renting. Granny didn't earn it btw just hogs it.

Still all academic for dh and I but interesting watching it unfold. That said some of the unhappiest most estranged families we know are the wealthiest.

very true Kerala

She could be planning to leave it all to a cat home.

Op I say Yanbu. My family has a few stand out characters who see no value in supporting their dc or gc. I think it's pretty shoddy not to, frankly.

If I was well-off, I'd rather save it so I can buy good quality care rather than give it to my grabby DIL. OP, you can claim as much as you like that you're not grabby but you started this thread and are moaning about the amount of the cheque.

My mum gives all us adults a similarly small amount on our birthdays and could afford more, however I am grateful for what I get and make sure I put it towards a treat for myself. It is in no way my business what my mum chooses to do with HER money.
She never had money when we were young and no family to help her so I think her attitude is to put money by 'just in case'.
Why should she give it to us anyway, its hers.

Yabu - no thought at all and stingy. Especially as it's not even signed. Ignore the many haters on here. A £15 gift would have been better than a cheque

YANBU of course its mean, staggered how anyone could think it not!

However, the older generation, some of them do have different attitudes to money. She views money in a very different way to you op and you will feel better if you can simply start to understand this, to you its to give to your children, ( as you would), give them a wonderful little treat on their bday ( with a SIGNED CHEQUE for more than 15 - IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT) ETC etc.

I certainly hope to be able to give more to my DD than 15 cheque, but if thats all I could afford I would tell them so ....and I am sure they wouldn't mind. They would understand my financial circs...

I know quite a few wealthy people and they have totally different perceptions of no money, to me, is, no money, that doesn't mean lots of assets that could be quickly sold, or a huge pile of savings that you ban yourself from touching.

In fact the people I know who are well off, are in fact the ones who stress about money and lack of it the most.

In fact one sat in her muti million pound house, + other assests, talking about an even more wealthy friend and said sadly " Yes well she doesnt have to worry about money like we do". Amd YES I do know she owns the house with no mortgage and several other properties owned out right, and yet prides herself on her amazing economy.

anyway, i feel for your DH and unless she is sending him a statement of her affection or lack of it - she just view it differently and of course older generation, she may think 15 is worth lots more.

Anecdotally friends from wealthy families from other cultures are given the money in young adulthood when they need it to get on the housing ladder pay for study

Yes agree.

Life is soooo short, we dont know whats round the corner...if I could afford too and had enough for us to be comfortable would love to assist children.

Id be annoyed too! I would not expect any cash or inheritance from MiL, but if my husbands mum was rich and only gave him £15 for a birthday I'd think it was very mean. At least hide the amount by buying a gift! I agree with a previous poster than the relatively precise nature of the amount is particularly mean.