AIBU to say I'm not having any more family holidays till DD is a bit older?

[ShootMeNowPlease]

Just come back from a weekend away with DH and 3-year-old DD. It was grim: DD is in full-on threenager mode, and we ended up leaving before lunchtime today because it simply wasn't worth trying to persuade her to do anything else. This is the second holiday this year that she's wrecked by being sulky, unwilling to go anywhere, messing around when we do get there, pretending not to hear us when we talk to her - I could go on. The first one was a bucket-and-spade holiday in Cornwall entirely for her benefit.

AIBU to say I'm taking my holidays on my own while DH looks after DD (and, obviously, DH can do the same), and we're not having any more family holidays till DD is something resembling civilised, because it's a sodding waste of time and money? It may be a long wait till she gets another one...

YANBU

When dd1 (then an only) was 2 we went away primarily for her benefit on a lovely holiday - DH acted like he was on holiday too and I did everything during the week.

Dd1 is almost four and we've not been back on holiday. We did a staycation last year (baby dd2 came too) and we might attempt one next year!

no one not many people can remember their toddler years so shes not going to be missing out on memories. YANBU.

Is she normally like that? My 3 yo can be a bit of a nightmare when tired and we aren't great at enforcing bedtime on holiday, but naps in the car helped her on our last holiday.

We are about to fly home from a couple of weeks in france. I can see objectively that the weather is fab, the campsite is lovely and the area beautiful. But unfortunately we brought DS1 (5 - king of whinge), DD (2 - nuff said) and DS2 (teething baby) with us. The usual hell, but with more sun .

Holidays with preschoolers are not holidays in any way resembling the holidays you had before children! Its harder work than being at home! That said though it sounds as though your DD has behaviour issues beyond normal holiday out-of-routine excited silliness.

I'm going to sit on the all and say:

YABU: Punishing her by not giving her any more holidays won't really work as she won't realise what she's missing out on. You need to find other ways to address her behaviour issues, and IABU is not the place to get sensible advice for that!

But also: YANBU: going off for weekend breaks by yourself just because you need some time away from a demanding three year old is an excellent idea.

Good luck!

Yes, she's being generally horrible at the moment. To the point that I'm tempted to stay at work late so I don't have to take any part in bedtime. When she behaves, she's lovely, but most of the time she's testing boundaries at the moment and I have fucking had enough.

Sorry. So YANBU. At all.

Sorry, namechange fail - I'm the OP.

Essence, we're not thinking that not having any more holidays for a while is punishment for her, just that it's saving money and reducing misery for us!

PS (before everyone piles in to tell us we must be terrible parents) she is apparently brilliant at nursery: the staff are very positive about her, she has friends, we've heard no complaints about bad behaviour - she saves it all up for us.

She sounds like my DS1

Hmm, we're going on holiday soon and dh keeps looking at 2 yr old ds (who is a textbook example of terrible 2s in action) with a worried look on his face and saying 'are we mad?'. DD (8) on the other hand has always been a delight on holidays. I was hoping to read this thread and have everyone say 'oh no, holidays are fine, they always behave well' !

This won't last

And I agree with Essence about holidays not being the same.

Tempting as it is to think of her as a teenager, the big different is that her ability to talk and assert herself is WAY ahead of her ability to control herself an have insight into other people's feelings and of the consequences of her own behaviour. The threenager nickname is a reasonable shorthand but there are big differences. Try not to expect too much of her

She is only three - routine may be more important to her at this stage than new experiences. The same food, the same bed, the same bedtime, the same toys.

I used to get back from our holidays feeling exhausted and low, wishing we'd just stayed at home with DH taking on more of the Primary Carer role (I was a SAHM).

What we always said with holidays when DCs were small was 'next year it will be easier'.

And it was.

Robin

Of course she saves it for you - she's knackered from holding it together all day and you are a safe person to be stroppy with - because she knows you love her and won't reject her.

Lovely for you though...

I felt the same way when we took our two camping over Easter. It could have been lovely but my 4yo's behaviours was dreadful and we drive home almost in silence. DH and I both said never again but we're going to try a different format in August and see if that helps. Both DC love camping but right now it's just all the hassle of home but with fewer facilities. We'll go again when they're older.

at the staying at work late to avoid bedtime. I used to do that when my twin DDs were about that age. Very hard work and I do remember coming home early from a 'holiday' or two, but it does get better, much better.

Oh God YAsoNBU. We have been away every year (UK or abroad and sometimes more than once in a year) since DD1 who is not far off 7 was born.

We count two weeks in Spain last year as our first proper family holiday as it was the first one that we have actually enjoyed, got to eat as a family etc.

What kind of holiday was it?

yanbu. In 2 or 3 years, it'll be much easier and even enjoyable.

On the other side of the coin we had some great holidays when ours were tiny. We first went abroad when they were 8 weeks and just 2. The thing is at that age you can just pick them up and put them in the car or buggy and get going. Yes we had some screaming but we all really enjoyed the sun (we are Scottish!) However we did avoid camping and went for self catering as open spaces were a no no for my toddlers - they just ran off.

The one thing I'm not telling you here is once both toddlers screamed for half a delayed flight back from Greece - v embarrassing. But it was the way home!

AndHarry we have had some very successful weekends camping in the garden. All the excitement of being in a tent, plus DH and I take it in turns to sleep undisturbed in the house each night - what a luxury! (DCs are 4 and 2).

Its also remarkable how often there is "really bad traffic" on the way home and I get home 10 or 15 mins later than I should...

We had a great holiday this year, the key appeared to be going with my sister and her two kids of about the same age as mine. The kids played together when we went out so it just made the whole thing a lot less intense.

The other key was that we stayed in separate caravans to them (static ones with ensuite etc, none of this camping hell), so we weren't all on top of each other.

Have you got anyone you could go on holiday with?

Essence that might be the way forward :) DH is taking DS camping for one night next weekend, while I enjoy a night in my own bed with only 1yo DD to worry about. Our garden's a bit small for our big tent but we'd probably get away with using just my little festival one if one of us was sleeping indoors...