AIBU to say I'm not having any more family holidays till DD is a bit older?

[ShootMeNowPlease]

Just come back from a weekend away with DH and 3-year-old DD. It was grim: DD is in full-on threenager mode, and we ended up leaving before lunchtime today because it simply wasn't worth trying to persuade her to do anything else. This is the second holiday this year that she's wrecked by being sulky, unwilling to go anywhere, messing around when we do get there, pretending not to hear us when we talk to her - I could go on. The first one was a bucket-and-spade holiday in Cornwall entirely for her benefit.

AIBU to say I'm taking my holidays on my own while DH looks after DD (and, obviously, DH can do the same), and we're not having any more family holidays till DD is something resembling civilised, because it's a sodding waste of time and money? It may be a long wait till she gets another one...

Sorry, went away to do bedtime - DD is in bed but not asleep so I may get called away again..

weatherall, we were visiting good friends in Newcastle. I thought I'd planned it carefully: we booked a self-catering flat, and the only meals "out" we expected DD to cope with were lunchtimes. Total, epic, fail, even though we took her to the Life Centre, which she loved last year.

No-one we can go on holiday with, sadly, noblegiraffe - a good friend is getting divorced and might be in the market for shared holidays in the next couple of years, but unfortunately she has two DC and her eldest really dislikes DD and is not very kind to her. I don't want to have to deal with that dynamic on "holiday".

tripecity, I know, it's just as well I'm not trying to make my living as an international woman of mystery...

OK, lone voice here, but i loved holidays with the DCs when they were little.

They found so much joy in such simple things, like playing in the sand, crabbing, beach and woodland walks, collecting pebbles/shells, chip butties for tea, etc that the 2 week annual uk caravan holiday is something that i saved hard for every year and wouldn't have missed for the world.

Yes, it's hard graft at times, lugging bottles, potys, nappies, pushchairs around. And the evenings can be a bit long when the kids are tired out and have gone to bed early. But this stage is short. And the good times when they're tiny are precious.

fluffyraggies, we did actually enjoy last year's holiday with DD - we went to Amsterdam and it was great. She was 2, rising 3, at the time, and it didn't occur to me that this year might be so much worse. I thought it would be better: she's been potty trained for a year and we abandoned the pushchair back in September because she was walking everywhere, so we're not carting tons of stuff any more. But both this year's holidays have been ghastly.

We're supposed to be going away for my 40th in the autumn, and I did actually say to DH that I thought we ought to cancel: I can't bear the thought of him spending loads of money on a break that's supposed to be a treat for me, and then both of us spending the whole time shouting at DD.

:(

Thank you for not accusing me of sounding smug. After i posted i thought i may have.

What do you think has changed about DD that has made her seem to enjoy your outings less? Is she getting over tired? It's so sad to hear you're not having fun together.

We've been on quite a few holidays with DD (currently 2 and 3) UK and flights.

Firstly, realise it will be the same level of effort but a different scene!

We've found the best ones are when you have an area separate from the kids bedroom for evening time and there is something to keep them entertained.

With that in mind we went to Butlins last month. Pre-DC, never in a million years but now it was possibly the best holiday we have had!

I still mourn those days on a hot beach, about 8 hours flight away, reading a book.....

I think it is just that she's in a phase of really testing boundaries - so we say no, she does it anyway and waits for the consequences. I'm reasonably hopeful that it is just a phase, but it is a bloody awful phase! We're also struggling with getting her to sleep, so she probably is a bit over-tired.

Ah when they're like that it doesn't matter if you're at home or away. They are just in minx mode

But at least being at home isn't costing us money! Hence my thread title. I don't see the point in spending money on holidays while she's like this.

the best ones are when you have an area separate from the kids bedroom for evening time and there is something to keep them entertained.

i second this.

I had 3 DCs all just 2 years apart (so 3 under 5 on one very wet caravan holiday!) and they're teens to early 20s now. So it's easy for me to say that time flies and it wont last long etc. because i've seen it fly by.

I've had a few short years of hols abroad in the sun by the pool with a book, but now have a 4 month old so it's back to holidays in the uk for a while again. Part of me is sad - part of me is quite excited to have an excuse to go crabbing again

Perhaps it would be wise to down-grade your holidays a bit for a while OP. I agree that trying to mix get-aways that are meant to be a treat with 3 year old friendly stuff is going to be quite tricky.

Of course YANBU if you didn't enjoy the holiday.
I did have some good holidays with my DC when they were toddlers. It was nice to have my DH around to help as I was a SAHM. We found Center parcs worked well, a nice balance of couple time when we put DC in the crche and had a few hours in the spa, or booked a babysitter and had a meal out and family time. We also did quite a few Haven holidays and they were fun. We also lucky enough to afford Mark Warner holidays each summer and they were really good as lots of childcare is provided and adults get to try new activities. I think the thing is don't make the holiday just for the DC as it's easy to get resentful if they do play up.

Mine and 6 and 11 and I'm still considering not holidaying with them anymore. Every year we forget how awful it is, every year we do it again...

LucasNorth, I sense a kindred soul. DH wants us to have family holidays. I really, really don't see the point.

zzzzz me too.

We had great holidays just camping around the UK - rockpooling, sandcastles, pootling around the campsite etc. Easter's experience was the first one that was awful and it was a continuation of poor 'home' behaviour from DS, mostly towards his sister so nothing much we could do to make it better.

I think all this is pointing towards cancelling my 40th (there is no-one we can leave DD with overnight, before anyone suggests that: we have a great babysitter for evenings, but she has a full-time job as well). , but there we go. I might see if one of my childless friends could go away with me somewhere cheap and cheerful.

Could you try somewhere such as Calcott Manor ( or similar if thevarea is wrong)? It's child, family and adult friendly.

We had a fantastic holiday when dd2 was 2 (and dd1 5), but this may be because our expectations were rock-bottom! We didn't attempt a beach/sunbathing/generally lying around type holiday as we don't go for that type anyway - rented an apartment in Barcelona and had a city-based break instead. When we wanted the beach we went out to Sitges. Mid-primary years were the best holidays - we stayed in gites/agriturismo as we found self-catering much less stressful.

WORST age for holidays, in our experience so far, is age 11 or 12, with girls anyway. Bloody hormonal bitching moaning argumentative nightmare .

Do you have any friends with DC the same age?

We went with a group this year and it was much much more pleasant.

But your not wrong.

ChickenFajitas, not unless they look after them 14 hours a day and we wouldn't have to deal with her at all - she's such a fucking nightmare at the moment I really just want to stay at work and never come home. Poor DH is SAHD and at the end of his rope: he's the only reason I do come home, because it's not fair to leave him coping single-handed all week.

OP

You sound fed up. Do you get any time to yourself? Any time when someone else can take her for a day/overnight

It was hard being a sahm when mine were this age, but it must be hard working FT and coming home to her.

We all still reminisce about our 3 week break to North America two years ago when the kids were 2 & 5. We didn't stay anywhere more than 3 nights and tried to do different things in each place. The kids were so full of awe at this new world that they weren't really focussed on misbehaving!!

Worst holiday was holiday cottage in the uk where it rained the whole weekend!

Agree that you should go to somewhere like ickworth or Calcott manor. Leave dd in the kids club for a few hours, have a lovely dinner with babysitter with her. It could be a really lovely break.

And this phase won't last forever!! Could it also be end of term tiredness? My two are always worse at the end of term.

OP, our DD is 8 now, and she hasn't changed a bit. She still manages to make it all about her and she has never been abroad because of it. There is no way I am sitting in a departure lounge or on a plane with her. I am dreading the school hols and am booking her in to every club and activity available where she will be the best behaved child in class. We are not alone. My BF nearly left her DS3 in Hong Kong when they flew to Australia recently. He was such a little git, she wonders if she can ever love him again.

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