AIBU to say I'm not having any more family holidays till DD is a bit older?

[ShootMeNowPlease]

Just come back from a weekend away with DH and 3-year-old DD. It was grim: DD is in full-on threenager mode, and we ended up leaving before lunchtime today because it simply wasn't worth trying to persuade her to do anything else. This is the second holiday this year that she's wrecked by being sulky, unwilling to go anywhere, messing around when we do get there, pretending not to hear us when we talk to her - I could go on. The first one was a bucket-and-spade holiday in Cornwall entirely for her benefit.

AIBU to say I'm taking my holidays on my own while DH looks after DD (and, obviously, DH can do the same), and we're not having any more family holidays till DD is something resembling civilised, because it's a sodding waste of time and money? It may be a long wait till she gets another one...

I love our holidays. I have 3 dc. Dd1 is 7, dd2 is 5 and ds1 is 2 1/2.

I do think that its a shame that you are having a shit time on holidays. We've taken all the kids since they were tiny babies.

Are you trying to do too much on hols? Shes not being a nightmare just for the sake of it. Shes obviously not having a good time herself.

Children just need very simple things at that age - a visit to a cafe is a big thing or just playing with a bucket and spade on the beach.

Other children to play with is a biggie. You can just watch them from the sidelines as they will play for hours. We went to the beach today and they played for 3 hours solidly just digging a 'river' to the sea and some dams. If I just had the one child they would be bored and whining.

Maybe a hol with a kids club/activities?

Parenting toddlers is v hard sometimes. Thats normal!! Can you find some good highly rated books on amazon to try out different techniques.

I'm with bellybutton

I think the reason we enjoyed holidays was that we had more than one kid, so they play together.

I have also sat on a freezing cold beach while 4 kids pottered in shorts and thick coats, paddling, collecting shells, digging rivers to the sea. I sat and chatted to other mum, kids entertained themselves, with just enough interaction to satisfy them, and give us a break. (otherwise I have to do the sandcastle building etc)

I think the trouble is if you are both working parents that you have no idea what is like to be with a toddler 27/7 for more than 2days and is a big shock to all of you how hard it is .
Toddler excited to have mum and dad around , parents wanting a rest from work.
So if you can't cope out of the home stay at home as family . You are paying good money for a nice home enjoy it. Watch you DC enjoy the toys you have bought . Go for days out in your local area .
But try to be together as a family your kids will remember this more than anything .

How sad!
I too have lovely memories of things like their first time trying to stand up on the beach or the first time in the sea, or the excitement of the first donkey ride, etc.etc.

I do think you need to go for a week though - they are bound to be a bit unsettled with just a weekend away. I also think know that you need to adjust your own expectations when you go away with toddlers.
I think you miss out a lot if you don't go away - when you are at home, there is always so much you ought to be doing, but when you are all away, that's when you actually dedicate all the time to each other, and I think that's really important for families.

YADNBU. My DD is only 1, and I can see there is absolutely no point on going on holiday with her, because it won't be a holiday. We will have a much better time at home.

With the cost of holidays, really, there is no point going unless you are actually enjoying them! Save the money and put it towards having a babysitter and date night more often. You can do holidays when she is older and has a chance of actually remembering them.

YANBU, holidays with toddlers or preschoolers are just same shit different location, I remember going on holiday when DS was two and being upset when I realised I was not actually going to get a holiday at all and I would have gotten more rest if we had stayed at home!

But take heart, we took DS on holiday last year aged six and it was really lovely, he was old enough to appreciate it and I would do it again this year if we could afford it.

So my advice is to save the money until they are a good age to take away and then have a really fantastic holiday.

YANBU if it means you're wasting money and all it does is create stress for the family.

I thought we'd been lucky with DS (2.5) but who knows what he'll be like when he's 3!

What's worked for us is - only going somewhere that's not a long drive which makes the journey almost pleasant.

Self catering but option to not have to cook.

Own place but in same complex as GPs or family nearby who also have DC.

Plenty of space so we can chill out when DS is in bed.

Low expectations! Even though I feel a bit crap when I hear about other folk being more adventurous.

We have the offer to go to America next year for a wedding. Really not sure yet if we're going because none of the above will apply. Plus jetlag!

YANBU. I remember my mum telling me, after a particularly stressful holiday with DCs (2 and 4), that "in her day" no-one went on holiday until their kids were at least 4. Don't know how true that is but I wonder if it's another of those generational things.

Didn't stop us though.

We have had some lovely holidays with our two - trying to think how old they were at different times :-

6 months
18 months
2
Nearly 3 (plus a 6 month bump)
3yo and 5 month old
4yo and 10 month old
4 yo and 1 yo

We only returned from most recent one a few days ago so I don't think we have forgotten!

Things that we have found have worked (often by getting it wrong first time) are as follows:-

Taking a set of parents with us (especially during the flights)

Having completely separate accommodation to aforementioned parents

Going all inclusive with a daily maid service so once kids finally asleep the only jobs we have to do is one of us swill the swimming cosies while the other goes to the bar 30 secs walk away to bring back a couple of cocktails

Good venue with pool / playground / beach very close (we've gone to the same place an embarassing no of times but it has what we need)

Being very (very very) unambitious on our plans for the day so if dd is slow getting dressed we are not stressing about time

Trying to keep their routine reasonably similar to at home as they usually get difficult when they are hungry / thirsty / tired.

Separate sleeping / living room

Don't get me wrong - holidays with them are hard work and we always have at least one moment of "why did we think this was a good idea" each holiday but we alsohavemoments of complete joy. Watching dd push ds around the paddling poolin his rubber ring comes to mind.

It sounds as if you have difficulties with her at home, so it is bound to be more so as you go away from familiar surroundings.
I enjoyed holidays at that age, although they are hard work, because they are pleased with simple things.
I agree with lowering your expectations. My first rule was cut down on the travel and don't fly anywhere. Second rule was self catering and keep eating out to a minimum. Don't try and do too much each day.
Your main problem seems to be getting into a negative spiral which is very easy at that age. I used to go into a different room, grit my teeth, fix a smile, and go back and say something positive- it generally worked.
Distraction- turn things she is sulky about into a game that she wants to join in.
I would try and have a nice day out from home before you contemplate another holiday.
Other children are a great help. A friend's DH felt like you and so we went with them and another family and had 7 children and that was so easy- they amused themselves. As you haven't got that- a place with lots of children is the next best thing.

MissMystic Cross post but interesting that a lot of our list is the same.

Of course YANBU. You should have whatever holidays work for you, and if that means none, your child will not suffer at all!! In a way, we have had the reverse problem. Although we have obviously had our own parental ups and downs, for some reason, our family holidays have always been fab, even when DDs were babies/toddlers. They are now 11 and 13, and DH and I have never holidayed in the UK or overseas without them. The only holiday we all disliked was the skiing one, as the girls vanished on their skiing lessons and we all did our own thing.

Now, people can't understand why we don't travel alone/don't put them in kids clubs etc. I am fairly sure that we are normal and don't live in each others' pockets at home! But we do enjoy holidays together. DDs have always been great company (to us, I don't expect anyone else to relish their company on holiday) when we are away, even
when tiny.

Surely each to their own? You can try family holidays again when DD is older. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

Reading Mumofteoyoungkids has reminded me- going with parents or PIL also makes it much easier.

Sorry - posted too early but was about to say that wewent to Germany for a family christening a couple of months agowhere we did break pretty much all the "rules" but it was still ok. Baby Ds was sleeping unbelievably badlywhich made it hard but had I had more than 3 hours a nightI think I would have enjoyed it more.

In the past everyone was different the same as today! I am 63yrs and people didn't wait until the child was 4 before taking a holiday! As the eldest I would have been 12yrs before I got one -and missed a whole childhood of holidays!

I'm very envious of people who have others to holiday with! I absolutely agree that other people, especially other children, would make things a bit easier (in some ways, even if they might complicate them in others...). DD is an only and will stay that way. None of our friends want to do joint holidays, three of the GPs are dead and the fourth is very frail, and all our siblings are childless.

Yes, of course I'm venting: I don't spend all my time thinking she's a nightmare, and I don't say any of the things to her that I've said on here. I've come back from a disappointing and expensive weekend away and had a rant.

It took me a good few years to realise that holidays wouldn't be the same again for years. They weren't a holiday for me, at all.

I didn't enjoy a family holiday til the youngest was 5. LOVE love holidays now they are 7 & 10.

We tried everything, even taking my parents, which was hideous as my Dad hated the attention away from him.

Low expectations are a must IMO.

I dreaded holidays for the most part when my children were toddlers - the journey, and then dealing with a toddler in an environment that is not baby-proofed for a week is bloody hard work - oh, and the beach! Hovering over them to try to keep them from eating sand.

Mine are older now and holidays are for the most part a real joy, but YANBU to not want to deal with a 2yo and travel.

OP

DH and I each took some separate holidays at this sort of DC age. They were a life saver. For the person not on holiday, things were a bit worse; for the person on holiday, things were so much better and they could have a complete break, then re-enter the fray refreshed.

Overall, that meant the kids had happier parents and we still did days out in the uk with them so they had plenty of "holiday experiences"

It was either 2 or 3 I took my DS on holiday and he was a nightmare he was hyper over tired, didn't settle in the caravan it all seemed too much for him so I decided the next year rather than a holiday I would take him on daytrips..This seemed to work much better..The year after we did a long weekend break and that worked to he was old enough to cop

I think it very much depends on the child.
My 3 yr old has been coming on four week camping hols to France since she was 6 months and is pretty much brilliant.
She loves being outdoors and swimming so it's perfect.for her although last year we did spend a lot of time chasing her because she was going through the "running away stage"
She sometimes wakes early as well which can be hard on a campsite but when we are all chasing around on a beach or sitting having a BBQ it's just all worth it.
That said if your dd isn't enjoying it YANBU to re think it and take some relaxing holiday time yourselves.
I wonder if some kids find being away from home anxiety provoking.