AIBU to say I'm not having any more family holidays till DD is a bit older?

[ShootMeNowPlease]

Just come back from a weekend away with DH and 3-year-old DD. It was grim: DD is in full-on threenager mode, and we ended up leaving before lunchtime today because it simply wasn't worth trying to persuade her to do anything else. This is the second holiday this year that she's wrecked by being sulky, unwilling to go anywhere, messing around when we do get there, pretending not to hear us when we talk to her - I could go on. The first one was a bucket-and-spade holiday in Cornwall entirely for her benefit.

AIBU to say I'm taking my holidays on my own while DH looks after DD (and, obviously, DH can do the same), and we're not having any more family holidays till DD is something resembling civilised, because it's a sodding waste of time and money? It may be a long wait till she gets another one...

Oh lordy

How fucking rude are you, Mintyy? It pisses you off when people realise what hard work it is, does it?

Well it pisses me off when people play the martyr card and take their weaning kids on holiday and brag about it.

Seriously, your attitude towards other parents stinks. Have a bit of bloody sympathy and camaraderie, we're all in this together so don't bother trying to win some non existent prize.

fluffyraggies, no changes (in routine while on holiday or in life generally).

melissa83, I'd like nothing better than to avoid making things just a battle, but DD is non-stop defiant - it starts in the morning with not being willing to get dressed and goes on from there. She just won't do anything she's asked at the moment, so there have to be consequences or she'll think she can get away with it, but it's so bloody exhausting and miserable.

My kids are between the ages of 15 and 9 and I still think holidays are more trouble than they are worth. I'm always glad to get home ! Days of shopping and packing to go, long journeys with 4 kids packed in a car arguing and whinging, the trials of living in a caravan for a week, me still doing all the cooking and chores, invariably raining. Then home to stacks of washing and ironing. Not a holiday at all. Sorry for sounding like an old whingebag but I've never found holidays with kids that enjoyable.

Make everything a game

If everything is a confrontation, I'd recommend a different apporoach -counting down, making things into a competition-racing her to do something, saying "i bet you can't", ignoring.

I quite like the book Playful Parenting.

And before anyone questions, i am not a permissive parent, but sometimes we need to see things from a childs POV

OP holidays are supposed to be fun, relaxing and something to look forward to.
If this isn't happening right now them just wait a while.
Holidays aren't compulsory.

X post

Melissa -great minds

I knew this would become a thread about my parenting! Well, I am a crap parent (and no doubt mintyy is right and I should just put my head in the oven in shame at being unable to cope with my one demon child), but DH isn't, and we're both struggling with DD at the moment.

My DS is nearly four. About a year ago he had a month long period of being absolutely hell to live with. He would not do anything without fighting and screaming.

At one point, DP had to go to the shop in the morning to buy chocolate buttons to bribe him to allow us to dress him. It was utterly soul destroying.

He still has the odd tantrum but he's never been that consistently bad again. They do grow out of the worst of it. I found the only strategy that worked was allowing myself to swear very loudly out of his earshot, stock up with chocolate and alcohol to look forward to later, and wait the motherfucker out.

Just some suggestions. No one said you were crap, just a bit stuck! Children change and we have to adapt our approach or our attidue or it just gets us down. I realised this when I started to become really abgry and shouty at my DS1. And also, the suggestions about changing your holidays are an attempt to change the sitiuation and expectations. As I said before, she can't change, she's just doing what 3year olds do.

Morris

I used to go into the kitchen and flick them the Vs? Enormously satisfying

Rogue question mark there.

zzzzs, that seems to be implying that I'm sounding particularly difficult to please? I don't think I am, really: DH and I had many happy holidays pre-DD, and indeed we had a very happy family one in Amsterdam last spring. I like city-breaks, sightseeing and culture, but I'm also quite happy lazing about with a book. I like cooking so self-catering is good, but I also like hotels - what's behind your question?

We've just come back from a very successful ten days in Cornwall with our 2.3 year old, but I suspect the key was bringing grandparents with us to take over a bit of the sand castle building, and renting (at freakish expense) somewhere ten feet from the beach, so no unnecessary eating out unless wanted, he could have his usual naps etc, and there was no lengthy trek to the shore with tons of stuff to stay all day. Also, I had zero expectations, whereas, before having a child, we used to do complex, ambitious holiday stuff.

Having said that, we were in Italy for a wedding last month, and DS was such a nightmare on the first day that we seriously considered apologising to the bride and groom and going home before the ceremony. Fortunately, he morphed into his sweetest self thereafter, but I did swear at the time I was never taking him anywhere again. (Grandparents all in another country, so can't help out unless we bring them over.)

Morris, that makes me feel better. We haven't quite got to the point of bribery just to get DD dressed, but I won't say we haven't considered it. (Incidentally, I think I was on a thread with you about parenting being bad for the mental health last summer, under another name.)

Go to one of the luxury family friendly for a long weekend.

I she's a nightmare stick her in the kids club and enjoy some time with your dh!

What about someplace with a kids holiday club? She might enjoy the activities and DH and yourself get a break. Usually only available during school holidays, I think.

Parenting was bad for my mental health, venting helped. Getting time to myself helped. Realising my DcS werren't doing it on purpose, together with some techniques from books.

My mum keeps talking about a family holiday all together next year. I was reluctant anyway as I'll have a 6 year old 3 year old and 6 month old baby but after reading this thread I think I'll tell her we'll leave it for 10 a few years

We do overseas holidays and then do the pool, beach etc and if we all get in bed in afternoon for a sleep fine. We also love butlins as something for everyone

We have had several really nice holidays at Center Parcs, including at Christmas, right from when mine were 1year and upwards. Went with my parents twice as well.

definite my MIL is wanting an all together abroad somewhere hot next year. DD will be 18 months.

I think not

OP, bribery is your friend. What does DD really like/enjoy? She's a bit young for sticker charts for good behavior, more of an instant reward would be good at this age, but you get the idea.

''Lets get dressed quickly and there'll be more time to eat, do, play, watch X, Y, Z'' sort of bribery.