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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being dropped off at a bus stop with a sleeping child is mean

165 replies

calmseeker · 21/06/2014 20:51

Sometimes I have been to various places with my friend in and around the city. She lives about 10 minutes in a car (from me). I don't have a car and appreciate the offer to go somewhere together. Generally I buy her a coffee or something as a token of thanks.
She has two children both slightly older than my daughter who is 3. Frequently on the way back she will say 'I will drop you off at the bus stop'. On a few occasions my child has actually been asleep and a few times it has been raining heavily. I don't expect perfection from my friends but am infuriated by this. She is a fairly fiery person so I have not said anything directly. Obviously there are things about her I like a lot. But I am at the point now where I just can hardly be bothered.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2014 20:53

I wouldn't be bothered either. Would you drop your friend at the bus stop with a sleeping child rather than take them the 10 minutes home? No, neither would I. You can have better friends than this.

hellskitty · 21/06/2014 20:56

whaaaat? she ferries you round the city and you moan at having to get a bus for the last 10 minutes? iits 10 mins for you but would be 20 minutes for her...and has she picked you up too?
entitled or what!!!

MostlyCake · 21/06/2014 20:56

A bit mean of her. I'd always take a friend home generally no matter how far away they lived!

GreenPetal94 · 21/06/2014 20:59

I'm not sure here - you don't have a car and so are never returning the favour. I don't think buying a coffee is anywhere the same as ferrying someone else around. I have done this for various friends who don't drive. I don't drop them off at bus-stops and do take them home. But actually it is a chunk out of my time and I do resent it a wee bit. Your friend obviously just has a different opinion, but maybe it can work out fine the way she is doing it to.

I think you more need to ask if you are close friends and value each others company and decide from there.

WaveorCheer · 21/06/2014 20:59

I think it's mean not to drop you home.

MozzchopsThirty · 21/06/2014 20:59

Mean to drop you and sleeping child but OTOH she drives you round everywhere and you buy her a coffee!
It would probably piss me off if I had to drive a friend every time

beccajoh · 21/06/2014 21:00

I wouldn't do that to a friend whose child was sleeping in the car and it was pouring with rain. If I offer a lift then it's a whole lift and not half a lift.

Nice that she offers but it's not really that helpful to you is it...

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 21/06/2014 21:00

When you're out and about with her just say ahead of time that you'd rather make your own way home because being dropped at the bus stop on the way with a sleeping child or when it's raining isn't very helpful. She'll get the picture.

Or, of course, you could ask her outright when she invites you if she's going to bring you both back home or dump you on the way back.

She's a selfish and thoughtless cow and maybe not deserving of being treated with good manners.

Yika · 21/06/2014 21:00

Wow, that's incredibly mean of her and I would actually feel humiliated at being put out of the car in the rain/with sleeping child. I'd definitely downgrade if not end the friendship.

missmash · 21/06/2014 21:00

I don't think you are seeing it from her side, you will be home in 10 minutes, she has another 10 minute drive back!!
I have a friend who doesn't drive and she infuriates me with her attitude that I will constantly pick her up, and a token cup of coffee is a nice gesture but misses the point.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2014 21:00

But then friend should say something, ask for petrol contribution or something, not this snidey dig via a bus stop. Don't do favours for friends if you don't want to but if you do, do them willingly.

Jinsei · 21/06/2014 21:01

I would drop you home, whether your child was sleeping or not. It's just what friends do.

Having said that, maybe she is fed up of always driving and thinks you are taking the piss?

Original poster
calmseeker · 21/06/2014 21:01

I normally meet her at the place she is going to be going to with her children anyway. It is a ride home. So it doesn't actually amount to being ferried around. I take the point about the coffee though.

OP posts:
schmee · 21/06/2014 21:05

I think it may be a hint that she doesn't want to do it any more.

CoffeeTea103 · 21/06/2014 21:05

No way would I drop a friend of with a sleeping child at a bd stop. If I couldn't take you home I would not offer you a lift. I think that's really mean.

FreudiansSlipper · 21/06/2014 21:06

How mean

You are not expecting her to always pick you up and take you home but when it is raining and your child is sleeping a few minutes out of her way is mean I cannot imagine anyone I know doing this

Difficult to bring up maybe ask before you go out next time would she mind dropping you home if the weather is bad and you will give her some petrol money

AmysTiara · 21/06/2014 21:06

Shes mean

Elfina · 21/06/2014 21:10

I think she might be giving you a hint that she doesn't want to do it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/06/2014 21:11

That is mean of her

Billygoats · 21/06/2014 21:12

She's a selfish and thoughtless cow and maybe not deserving of being treated with good manners

Really? A little bit ott.

As the friend that drove and had a car it used to piss me off slightly when I was relied upon or taken for granted. It's an expensive thing to run a car, it's not a free taxi.

I'm not suggesting OP has been ungrateful or that offering coffee is wrong, as this is far easier than working out the couple of pound for petrol. I do agree that what would be ten minutes for OP getting home and settling down , the driver then has to make her way home for the extra ten minutes.

2rebecca · 21/06/2014 21:17

If it was raining and the child was sleeping on the way to the event you'd still take a bus. She could just leave you to make your way back from the event and not drop you off at the bus stop, maybe it's the putting the child in the car to the bus stop that's the problem as she falls asleep in the car but maybe wouldn't in a push chair.
I don't think having a car means you have to be a taxi. The fact that you are moaning about this means that the friendship is near the end in my opinion. If it's only 10 minutes maybe get a taxi rather than the bus, expecting your friend to turn into a free taxi if your child falls asleep is very entitled. Friendships should be equal.

ikeaismylocal · 21/06/2014 21:20

Just make your own way home. 20 minutes extra is a lot of time and extra pertrol. I understand that your child is sleeping, but maybe she is thinking about her children, maybe they need to go home to eat/use the toilet, maybe they fall asleep if they are in the car too long, maybe they get car sick.

If you are going to accept a lift you should try to keep your 3 year old awake and pack an umbrella.

Wishyouwould · 21/06/2014 21:24

The OP has already said she buys the coffee or something else to say thank you so the friendship is equal imo. I personally wouldn't dream of dropping my friend at a bus stop with a sleeping child.

Original poster
calmseeker · 21/06/2014 21:24

As I said before 2rebecca I meet my friend at the venue. She is almost always taking her children regardless of me coming or not. I do not take her giving me a lift for granted. I have minded her children and done various other favors. Most of the time she gives me a lift home in the direction she is going anyway. I have had a car in the past and do appreciate they are expensive to run. I personally couldn't imagine dropping her or anyone else off at the bus stop especially in the rain or if the child was asleep but it is interesting that there are some people that think this is OK
.

OP posts:
MinesAPintOfTea · 21/06/2014 21:25

Does she have to pick up older DC from anywhere? Or have any other reasons why 20 minutes plus traffic time would cause her stress?

Just don't accept if a lift half the way causes you more stress than busing the whole way.