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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being dropped off at a bus stop with a sleeping child is mean

165 replies

calmseeker · 21/06/2014 20:51

Sometimes I have been to various places with my friend in and around the city. She lives about 10 minutes in a car (from me). I don't have a car and appreciate the offer to go somewhere together. Generally I buy her a coffee or something as a token of thanks.
She has two children both slightly older than my daughter who is 3. Frequently on the way back she will say 'I will drop you off at the bus stop'. On a few occasions my child has actually been asleep and a few times it has been raining heavily. I don't expect perfection from my friends but am infuriated by this. She is a fairly fiery person so I have not said anything directly. Obviously there are things about her I like a lot. But I am at the point now where I just can hardly be bothered.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/06/2014 22:54

Man there are people here who would have you walk home in the rain OP Grin

I don't expect lifts and usually have them forced on me but if I was offered a lift and dropped off at the bus stop and dropped off in the rain with my kid then I would stop any favours.

No favours either way means no resentment and then you can enjoy what you get out of the friendship.

PuppyMonkey · 21/06/2014 22:54

I think some people on the thread missed the part where you said this was a FRIEND. Not a random stranger. I don't think yabu op, she sounds odd.

SallyMcgally · 21/06/2014 22:55

I find it extraordinary not to drive your friend home if it's 10 mins. I say this as a driver.

EverythingCounts · 21/06/2014 23:01

If you're going to do someone a favour, do it properly and not begrudgingly. If I were driving a friend home and it was heavily raining or their child was asleep, I would certainly take them straight to their door. If I couldn't bring myself to do that I would just not do it at all. Really miserly not to take you the whole way.

chocolatemademefat · 22/06/2014 00:55

I'd never do that to a friend. If you enjoy someone's company its hardly a hassle to drop them off at home with a sleeping child even if it takes twenty minutes out of your day.

In future I'd refuse any kind of a lift and tell her its easier for you to get the bus rather than have a broken journey. What kind of a friend is she if she can do this especially when its raining.

I'm not surprised people on this site are telling you she's quite right - I'm sure some of them hang around AIBU to make others feel small.

meganorks · 22/06/2014 06:20

I think that is mean to be honest - YANBU. Either don't offer a lift and you make your own way back, or give a lift home. Everyone saying it 10 mins for you but 20 for her is not taking into account that 10 mins by car is rarely 10 mins by bus. I would imagine at least half am your or more.

I wouldn't dream of offering someone a little to the bus stop even if they didn't have s child with them. But i certainly wouldn't kick out a sleeping child or leave someone in the pooring rain!

KittieCat · 22/06/2014 06:35

I love MN! How on earth can offering a friend a lift home and then dropping her off at a bus stop part way home be something a decent friend does?

OP, I honestly cannot see how on earth you're BU. Yes, petrol is expensive and yes, these things take time but if you offer a lift home that's what you should do.

You can't do 1/2 a favour, surely. Next time try babysitting for a bit then calling her to say she needs to come back a few hours before the planned time. Half a favour returned.

Seriously, though, I'd be giving this pal a wide berth.

nooka · 22/06/2014 06:48

As a previous non driver I would have been very grateful for a lift to the bus stop. I'd have been a bit surprised to be dropped at the bus stop if it was raining, but assuming that the bus goes every five mins or so and had a shelter I'm not sure it's that big a deal, especially if you would have been getting the bus anyway. Deciding not to be friends on the basis that the lift offered isn't good enough seems a bit bizarre to me. Infuriated? Seriously just say no to the lift next time, make your way home alone and manage your expectations better.

Oblomov · 22/06/2014 06:49

'Only on MN could this be discussed'' . I agree . This is mn at it's best. Ha ha.

chrome100 · 22/06/2014 06:53

I can drive but don't own a car because I can't afford it. When I visit friends I expect to make my own way there and back. It's unfair to expect them to give you a lift; as a poster said above you can never really return the favour. So YABU.

nooka · 22/06/2014 06:53

Doesn't that depend on whether the offer of a lift is 'a lift home' or just 'a lift'. I'd not assume that the latter was necessarily all the way home (and certainly not after the first bus stop drop off).

insancerre · 22/06/2014 06:58

Yanbu
I am wondering if the first time it happened you said something like just drop me off at the bus stop and I'll get the bus.
And ever since she has thought you are happy with the arrangement
Next time try asking if she will drop you at home if you pay the petrol money
You can tell the car drivers on this thread. A 10 min car ride can take much longer on a bus, anything from 30 mins to am hour depending on the route

Sirzy · 22/06/2014 07:01

Had I read it wrong? I took dropping at the bus stop to mean dropping them at the bus stop at the end of the road with just a quick walk to get home? Not personally what I would do, although often if I am just dropping someone off not taking them home they will suggest I do that to save hassle of turning around or whatever.

But if your not happy just say no thanks I will get the bus this time.

Original poster
calmseeker · 22/06/2014 07:02

My expectations are fairly flexible but broadly based on the premise of treating people the way I would like to be treated. I buy coffee do occasional babysitting as a gesture to my friend. If I was the driver and that was what happened I wouldn't feel used or hard done by. However I couldn't imagine dropping a friend at a bus stop unless I was really pressed for time and if that was the case I would probably mention this in advance of giving the lift. When I say I am 10 minutes away from my friend this is the absolute maximum it would take. I am pleased I don't have a few of the respondents as friends.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 22/06/2014 07:02

20 minutes extra is a lot of time and extra pertrol

At my reckoning, that's about 10 miles, at the princely sum of about £2, give or take.

Depending on your perspective, not a huge deal in time or cost, maybe a slight inconvenience at most.

I would feel embarassed dropping someone off if it was pouring down with rain. It wouldnt be any bother to go the extra 10 mins each way.

insancerre · 22/06/2014 07:09

Just had a brainwave
Next time arrange to meet somewhere that is in the other direction to where you live so your friend has to go past your area to get back home.
Then ahw won't new going out of her way :)

Original poster
calmseeker · 22/06/2014 07:14

Actually I am about 1/2 a mile away.

OP posts:
Lepaskilf · 22/06/2014 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WanderingTrolley1 · 22/06/2014 07:31

Could you not walk the half mile, OP?

Seems crazy to wait for a bus for such a small distance.

Luggagecarousel · 22/06/2014 07:32

I don't drive, and if someone gives me a lift to a bus stop, I am grateful to them.

Original poster
calmseeker · 22/06/2014 07:41

Yes do walk sometimes but not always great with a young child after a day out and dodgy weather.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/06/2014 07:43

Well you aren't compelled to take the lift. Just say no next time and make your own way home

Luggagecarousel · 22/06/2014 07:43

Just seen it is only half a mile, no wouldn't bother to get a bus that distance.

SunshineofRay · 22/06/2014 07:45

She is BU to drop you at the bus stop if your
Child is asleep,
I don't think the rain is relevant, bus stops are usually covered and I would assume if it's raining you have adequate clothing for yourself and dd

Has she always dropped you there? If so then maybe she thinks you are happy with this arrangement

I used to drive and would ferryy friends and family everywhere with no contributions towards petrol etc but as soon as I didn't have a car the phone calls and texts stopped.
Maybe friend is feeling a bit of a taxi, not just to you but with other friends and family
Fiery she may be but no friendship will survive without communication , try asking her next time 'dd has fallen asleep would you mind dropping me home?'
See how she reacts and go from there

AngelinaCongleton · 22/06/2014 07:53

My friend doesn't have a car and I drive every time we go out. I see it as part of the deal of seeing her. If she can't bothered dropping you, she should give it a miss. I could understand if it was miles away, but 10 mins? And you have a 3 year old? Brass neck!