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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being dropped off at a bus stop with a sleeping child is mean

165 replies

calmseeker · 21/06/2014 20:51

Sometimes I have been to various places with my friend in and around the city. She lives about 10 minutes in a car (from me). I don't have a car and appreciate the offer to go somewhere together. Generally I buy her a coffee or something as a token of thanks.
She has two children both slightly older than my daughter who is 3. Frequently on the way back she will say 'I will drop you off at the bus stop'. On a few occasions my child has actually been asleep and a few times it has been raining heavily. I don't expect perfection from my friends but am infuriated by this. She is a fairly fiery person so I have not said anything directly. Obviously there are things about her I like a lot. But I am at the point now where I just can hardly be bothered.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 22/06/2014 12:24

She's doing you a favour and you complain its not enough of a favour.

I notice one thing you said in your OP - Frequently on the way back she will say 'I will drop you off at the bus stop'.

So if she does it frequently, then what you are omitting from this moan is that she also does give you lifts all the way home on those other occasions.

I don't get it. She's dropping you there because its convenient for her for whatever reason and in my book thats reasonable enough. People have busy lives. Its pretty obvious, that sometimes she clearly has other things to do or its simply not convenient to drop you door to door. I don't think she owes you an explanation of why as thats her business. I'm not sure you really can complain at this.

Be grateful for what you are given. She doesn't have to give you a lift at all.

Nomama · 22/06/2014 12:27

Harry, I don't keep count that way. So OP looks after her friends kids sometimes, often, whatever. If that is a problem OP should deal with it - ask to be paid, stop doing it. But no favour done means she should expect lifts, or any other favour in return. That is keeping a tally on a friend that I find quite horrid. If any relationship feels so one sided then drop it, stop being a doormat.

OK, if it was raining I would, as the driver, probably drop off at the door. But as the passenger I wouldn't expect it.

Pancakeflipper · 22/06/2014 12:30

I would not think of dropping someone off at the bus stop if they lived near to me and I had said I would give them a lift home. I would do as I said and take them home. I quite company in my car and having a chat.

I'd also appreciate the thought of being bought refreshments as a sign of thanks.

Does she say " oh I will give you a lift home." then drops you off at the bus stop.

If I was busy, in a rush, other stuff to do, I might say "I can give you a lift to xyz, if that's any good for you?"

I get the you should be grateful train of thought but if it does not work for you, then you need to make other arrangements that suit you.

SoonToBeSix · 22/06/2014 12:39

Yanbu , very mean and slightly odd

MrsMikeDelfino · 22/06/2014 13:22

YABU. (This coming from a non-driver with two children.) She doesn't HAVE to give you a lift at all, you're coming across as a bit ungrateful.
You've no idea if she has to be somewhere else at that time, got someone to pick up from a class, or just generally avoiding traffic.
You're not owed a lift. Nice of her to offer in the first place, IMO.
Just don't get the lift at all and walk home if it causes you this much angst.

PuppyMonkey · 22/06/2014 13:31

So Mrs M, I take it this has happened to you a lot with your own friends has it? With friends who you've done childminding for and who live, according to the op's latest update, about half a mile away? Confused

Hakluyt · 22/06/2014 13:36

I seriously cannot imagine circumstances where I would give somebody a lift and drop them off half a mile from home. I seriously can't, unless there were roadworks that meant a 15 mile detour or something,,,,,,,,

Journey · 22/06/2014 13:47

I agree with MrsMikeDelfino. I think you sound ungrateful.

If, however, your attitude was like MrsMikeDelfino though I wouldn't mind giving you a lift because I'd feel appreciated.

I think perhaps making out that buying her a coffee makes up for all the extra driving is very unrealistic. I'd much rather my friend drove and I bought my own coffee!

CaptainTripps · 22/06/2014 14:01

I'm on the lift-giver's side, I'm afraid. It sounds like it is a frequent arrangement. You only have half a mile to walk home whereas it is potentially 20 minutes extra for her.

Just make your own arrangements in future.

Hakluyt · 22/06/2014 14:20

all that extra driving? A mile?????
Bloody hell, what a mean spirited lot you are. Sad]

ComposHat · 22/06/2014 14:23

A mile in nose to tail traffic at rush hou can take forty minutes. I wouldn't sit in that to safe a friend a 15 minute walk.

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 22/06/2014 14:49

Could it be possible that your friend isn't heading straight home, so drops you at the most convenient place before continuing on her travels elsewhere? How far from your home is the bus stop OP?

Aeroflotgirl · 22/06/2014 15:03

Op just decline lifts, seems it's easier to get the bus straight home!

Hissy · 22/06/2014 15:18

If I picked someone up from their house, there would have to be a very good reason (i.e their very good reason) that i'd do anything other than drop them back to their house.

Your friend is mean.

Nomama · 22/06/2014 15:36

But OP is NOT picked up from her house. She usually/often meets friend in town, or wherever it is they meet. That's one of the reasons the drop off is being queried.

It would be different if she was picked up from home... anyone would anticipate a return to the door in that circumstance.

But having met 'in town' her friend is dropping her off somewhere closer to home, to save her the whole trip/bus fair.

If OP doesn't like it, if it is less convenient than bussing from the beginning, she can say no thanks and make the whole trip on the bus - which is presumably how she made it to meet her friend in the first place!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/06/2014 16:34

publictransport isn't a punishment
Oh but it is.
Well, with a small child. And if they're asleep it would be a potentially large PITA

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/06/2014 16:36

Although composhat makes a good point about heavy traffic.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 22/06/2014 16:46

How tempting is it to say next time you're child sitting phone her earlier than the agreed and ask her to get back.

I've been a non driver and a driver and I can't imagine treating a friend like that.
Partial lifts could be more inconvenient than no lift.

Hissy · 22/06/2014 17:05

I think the fact that she meets her friend there actually gives the driver less of a leg to stand on.

It wouldn't kill her to continue on half a mile would it?

I'd pick my friend up and drop her back.

Yup, even when I lived in London I did that.

Hakluyt · 22/06/2014 17:06

So if you hit heavy traffic,you say "really sorry- can I drop you off here- it'll take ages to got to your house in the car and I have!5 got time. And anyway,you'll be quicker walking"

Has heavy traffic even been mentioned? Nope. All that's been mentioned is what an absolutely ginormous favour driving somebody half a mile in your precious car is- and how it is such am imposition to add a whole mile to your journey.

Oh, and a whole lot of martyred "I would rather walk despite my 5 bags of shopping, three children and broken ankle because I don't want to be a burden No, no, please, we love walking. Yes I do know the it's raining and little Primrose is only wearing a tutu and one sock and no shoes, but she doesn't mind the cold- honestly blue is he natural skin colour. No, absolutely not. I wouldn't dream of imposing- I make my own way in the world"

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/06/2014 17:12

It does seem a bit odd. I can't imagine making a toddler sit in the rain just so I can arrive home ten minutes earlier. Could it be the case that you offered to get the bus the first time and she has just assumed ever since that that is the routine? If so, next time she invites you out and rain is forecast tell you you'll give it a miss as you don't want to get drenched at the bus stop, and see if she takes the hint.

Nomama · 22/06/2014 17:15

Ye gods! Who really cares? The woman doesn't want to... end of story, deal with it.

It either is a friendship that is worth continuing with or it is not!

Your call OP.... only you know how uneven the relationship is!

Minesril · 22/06/2014 17:23

Half a mile? Half a mile? Seriously, it would take her a few minutes. How long do you spend looking after her brats each time you babysit? What's the going rate for a childminder in your area?

She's being a bitch. Is that what you meant when you described her as 'fiery'? Probably one of those drivers who think she's superior just because she can operate a metal box on wheels.

RedToothBrush · 22/06/2014 18:00

She lives about 10 minutes in a car (from me).

Actually I am about 1/2 a mile away.

Thats some traffic. Its probably quicker for the OP to walk...

2rebecca · 22/06/2014 18:03

I think both parties are making a tremendous fuss over half a mile. My nearest bus stop is half a mile away and I wouldn't drive somewhere half a mile away so to me it doesn't say much for the friendship if one of them won't drive the other half a mile in the rain and the other won't walk half a mile when it's not rainy and they just have a sleepy child or even if the child isn't asleep. It may be the worst half a mile of traffic in the world but it seems bizarre.

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