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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being dropped off at a bus stop with a sleeping child is mean

165 replies

calmseeker · 21/06/2014 20:51

Sometimes I have been to various places with my friend in and around the city. She lives about 10 minutes in a car (from me). I don't have a car and appreciate the offer to go somewhere together. Generally I buy her a coffee or something as a token of thanks.
She has two children both slightly older than my daughter who is 3. Frequently on the way back she will say 'I will drop you off at the bus stop'. On a few occasions my child has actually been asleep and a few times it has been raining heavily. I don't expect perfection from my friends but am infuriated by this. She is a fairly fiery person so I have not said anything directly. Obviously there are things about her I like a lot. But I am at the point now where I just can hardly be bothered.

OP posts:
ComposHat · 21/06/2014 22:11

As a generalisation people who can't drive and have never owned a car seem to massively under estimate the costs of petrol and running a car.

Ten minutes to your house could easily mean a half hour round trip for her.

restandpeace · 21/06/2014 22:14

I would either have it out with her or drop her. Yes its an extra 20 mintues for her but she has a car, so
Mych easier that waiting for bus, in rain, sleeping child etc. very mean . I love giving lifts as I
Know what its like not driving, i had two very small children before I pasted my test.

Original poster
calmseeker · 21/06/2014 22:14

Can drive. Have owned a car.

OP posts:
Mordirig · 21/06/2014 22:16

Yanbu
I am a cold hearted monster most of the time and even I wouldn't see a sleeping child out in the pouring rain.
That's really mean, I don't think she wants to drive you back so I would just refuse a lift and get a taxi or whatever tbh as It would piss me off.

restandpeace · 21/06/2014 22:16

I also had a fiery friend who I was scared to confront luckily she blew her top at me in a pretty major way and that was that.

wheresthelight · 21/06/2014 22:16

But do you ask for the lift or does she offer and if you ask is ot arranged before you go out or once you get there?

Original poster
calmseeker · 21/06/2014 22:18

She offers the lift.

OP posts:
restandpeace · 21/06/2014 22:18

What do your last sentences have to do with your dilema?

Madamecastafiore · 21/06/2014 22:19

Am thinking about it from the drivers (would be my point of view) and yep she is an utter bitch. I'd drive someone an hour out of my way rather than dump a sleeping baby at a bus stop in the rain.

Waltermittythesequel · 21/06/2014 22:24

FFS only on MN.

If I offered my friend a lift after she'd made her own way to meet me and saw that her 3 year old was sleeping in the back or that it was raining heavily then I would bring her the ten minutes home.

Yes twenty whole minutes out of my day.

Because I have a shred of human decency.

Did you all miss the frequent babysitting etc?

WooWooOwl · 21/06/2014 22:26

If she offers, you are free to turn her down.

I'm sure you don't go out to meet your friends with the expectation that they are going to drive you home, so either accept the offer of a lift to the bus stop graciously or not at all. She is not obliged to offer you any more than she wants to.

If you can't accept that, then ask her for a lift home and insist that she takes petrol money for it if she agrees.

I can see why people think this woman is being mean, but I really don't think she is. She's just getting on with her own day looking after her own two children.

I find it weird that you call this person a friend yet at the same time say that you can hardly be bothered with her just because she only offers you a lift in her car half as far as you think she should take you.

2rebecca · 21/06/2014 22:26

It's a 3 year old not a baby though, and if you're just going places within the same city I wouldn't have thought she'd have been asleep for long. Apart from the last few days we've had a month of perma-rain here in Scotland so if she'd have been always giving you lifts if you lived here. If it's too much hassle then stop going and find a friend who lives nearer.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/06/2014 22:30

I agree Walter some very cold hatred people on here! Just because op doent have a car does not render her useless, she relays her friend in other ways and has offered petrol. Friend should not offer if she cannot give op a lift home what's the point! If I were op, I would meet her there and make own way back, do less babysitting fir her!

wheresthelight · 21/06/2014 22:32

Then there is your issue. She feels like she has to offer. And therefore has no obligation to go out of her way. Try declining and making your own way home a few times or ask her before you go if she can drop you at the door of you give her some petrol money.

Sounds to me like you are being very ungrateful and Fwiw babysitting does not automatically gain you a free taxi service

ninaprettyballerina · 21/06/2014 22:36

restandpeace the OP is just answering the questions.

Yanbu. I pick up and drop off my non driving friend fairly regularly and she lives about 20 mins drive from my house. I'd never drive her part way and make her get a bus

restandpeace · 21/06/2014 22:37

Oh I see

Mordirig · 21/06/2014 22:42

Friendships should be give and take, I think babysitting is a big give on your part and a 20min drive doesn't compare tbh.
Sounds like she is one of those 'friends' who wants to put the bare minimum back into a favour returned.
I would either drop her or just scale back visits with her, find my own way home and no longer he of use to her.

Deemail · 21/06/2014 22:42

There's no way I could leave an adult waiting in the rain for a bus let alone a toddler. I can't imagine begrudging a friend 20 mins out if my life once or twice a week or the extra couple of euro it would cost, especially if she did favours for me like childminding.

Op if I were you, I'd make my own way home in future, go only when it suits you. From the sounds of it your friend expects you to go to these places when it suits her, start saying no a bit more.

Icimoi · 21/06/2014 22:43

If I were offering a lift, for the sake of 20 minutes' driving I'd certainly take my friend the whole way, unless I had a particular reason for being unable to do so - in which case I'd explain. Yanbu.

MuddlingMackem · 21/06/2014 22:44

YANBU.

Whether the child is awake or asleep, if you have buses with buggy/wheelchair bays it's much easier to travel the whole way home on the bus than it is to pack everything in the car; travel part way in the car; take everything out; put up pushchair; put child in pushchair; get on bus.

So yes, she's being really mean. In future when she offers, ask if she's offering you a lift home or a lift to the bus stop. If it's the latter decline - and let her buy her own coffee!

gertiegusset · 21/06/2014 22:45

Bunch of meanies, I have a car and I would give you a lift home.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/06/2014 22:50

Totally disagree wherethelight, nor is op a free babysitting service! Where in the op does it say friend feels obliged, does not sound like it, if she felt obliged she would drop op off at home!

KellyElly · 21/06/2014 22:50

I'm so glad I'm not mates with some of the posters on this thread. You don't drop a friend off in the rain with a sleeping child for the sake of a 20 min journey. Ridiculous. Doesn't matter if this is a once a week thing or once a year.

letsplaynice · 21/06/2014 22:50

Sounds like she thinks she's being helpful by taking you part way.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/06/2014 22:53

I agree some real meanies on here, who would not give a friend a Lucy home once in a while. Friend should not offer if she cannot take op home, or ask petrol money if she needs it, op has offered in the past!