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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party uninvite

308 replies

BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:41

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

OP posts:

Vivacia · 19/06/2014 07:57

I've had a very strange text from mean mum saying that what she meant was that she had promised her DD that she would pay for two children and she was going to ask me to contribute to the cost.

So where does all of the I'll make it up to her come in?

poorbuthappy · 19/06/2014 08:00

I'd be speaking to mean mum this morning fact to face laughing like a drain about how much she's back pedalling.
And probably asking her if she wants a hand organising the next birthday party since she seems to struggle with sending invited out to 5 kids.
But then I'm like that.

Original poster

BatterseaGirl · 19/06/2014 08:03

Well exactly Vivacia. She is absolutely backtracking. I think I'll take the moral high ground on this one. I feel sorry for her DD though as this is the second joint party which mean mum has messed up. Can't imagine anyone else is going to want to go through this.

OP posts:

AmbervonTussle · 19/06/2014 08:05

Bet mean Mum is as tight-fisted as a duck's arse.

So you have to cough up for the party event. Are you supposed to give a gift to both the girls too?

MintyChops · 19/06/2014 08:21

Uninviting someone is very rude. Don't deal with mean mum any more. Speak to nice mum and explain confusion/Uninviting/backtracking and go from there....

softlysoftly · 19/06/2014 08:21

I'd be continuing to reply to the group email tbh rather than let mean mum wiggle out by text.

Send "oh good DD will be pleased all is resolved she's very excited about the party. How much did you need me to pay towards their party so I can bring it into school?"

I can imagine mum 1s face doing

OddFodd · 19/06/2014 08:25

I think nice mum has had a go. Or mean mum has been reading this thread waves

Either way, glad your DD is going to be able to go. I think this is a salutary lesson in why you shouldn't attempt socially engineering with your children

glasgowstevenagain · 19/06/2014 09:00

Joint parties are a terrible idea

MaryWestmacott · 19/06/2014 09:25

I think you have to let DD go now and sadly suck up any costs, as you've told DD about it and said she could go. It would be unfair to drag the girls into the parental mess up (by mean mum, not suggesting you messed up, of course if you'd been told with the invite there was a charge, you might have said no there and then!)

I think this is the last party of mean mum's DD you can accept! Hopefully no one else will do a joint party with her next year...

KnackeredMuchly · 19/06/2014 09:28

!! Can't believe she is expecting you to pay.

I would respond and say you have noticed Y has dropped out now so everything is solved?

What a horrible tight arse.

HaroldLloyd · 19/06/2014 09:32

I'd drop out now, what a shambles.

tharsheblows · 19/06/2014 09:44

I'd pay and give the money to Nice Mum saying cheerfully "Here's the money that Mean Mum said to give you guys for the party!"

Glad she gets to go though, what a palaver.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 19/06/2014 09:49

Ugh horrid mum is still being horrid then (and odd - I mean who does she think she's kidding).

If I were you I would take dd and take extra cash incase I needed to pay or make a contribution.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/06/2014 09:55

So you have to pay to go to a party now???

Consider my gob well and truly smacked!!!

fluffymouse · 19/06/2014 09:57

Wow, I've read the thread and its pretty shocking behaviour.

I don't think you should pay op, but it would be a real shame for dd not to go.

Waiting for an update.

Viviennemary · 19/06/2014 09:58

I'd be very annoyed indeed. This is simply bad manners. Once the invitation has been sent it shouldn't be withdrawn unless the whole party is cancelled.

KittiesInsane · 19/06/2014 09:59

She doesn't want you to pay £25 each for champagne, by any chance...?

Viviennemary · 19/06/2014 09:59

Just seen you have to contribute to the cost to add more insults.

PassAFist · 19/06/2014 10:14

People like mean mum are able to get away with terrible behaviour because most other people don't want to cause drama and don't say anything. Telling people to just get over it only allows the bad behaviour or people like mean mum to continue.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/06/2014 10:32

What I would do is contact Nice Mum. You could email (though talking to her would be better) and say that you're very confused now (and so are we all) in relation to the party.

You got an invite from her and you've had communication from Mean Mum saying that your DD is no longer invited. You've since had communication from Mean Mum saying that your DD is invited but that you have to pay to go to the party and you're very confused about how this is turning out and would like some clarification to know exactly what is happening and whether your daughter is actually invited at all.

Mean mum is some piece of work though. If I were you, in future years if there is a joint party being organised, I'd actually decline invites if I knew Mean Mum was involved in organising it. I realise that this would impact on Meam Mum's child(ren) but it is out and out headwrecking trying to decide what to do and if Mean Mum has a track record of this type of behaviour, sure what would you be doing.

SybilRamkin · 19/06/2014 11:01

This takes the biscuit, some people are such mean, cheeky feckers!

I second the suggestion to reply to all asking how much money you need to contribute!

MaryWestmacott · 19/06/2014 11:03

PassAFist is right, people like mean mum's DD have grown up seeing her mum behave like this and everyone acting to her mum and her like it's perfectly OK (and then seething in private), most nice grown ups won't say "you mean cheeky bitch" to her, they'll smile and say "oh that's a shame, not a problem, I'll let DD know" and lead Mean mum and her DD to think that this sort of behaviour isn't a problem.

andsmile · 19/06/2014 11:04

They dont sound like very nice people tbh Id drop out - what cock up. Let mean mum explain to her DD why. She'll probably lie, feel sorry for mean mums DD.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/06/2014 11:40

You have to wonder why the girl who has dropped out has dropped out. Has mean mum been hitting them up for funds too?

Hope your DD has a good time. It's very difficult because, while I would be tempted to be hardline about not accepting other invitations etc. or even drop out of this one, it's your DDs social life that would be affected by that decision and, as I recall, parties are a big thing when you're 8.

merrymouse · 19/06/2014 12:27

Do whatever causes you least trouble taking into account your daughters wishes - then do a happy dance and thank your stars that you dodged the bullet and aren't the one trying to host a joint party with this woman.

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