Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

Party uninvite

308 replies

BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:41

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/06/2014 16:23

Jesus wept!

Pick up the phone. Seriously, this is so unnecessary. If you don't want to phone, then mail them both

Why all the drama? Honestly!

Well it would be less of a drama then wouldn't t. Picking up the phone would be the easy solution....

whiteblossom · 19/06/2014 16:27

so...some invitees are being made to pay...which kids get the golden ticket then?

Milmingebag · 19/06/2014 16:41

Why would you even want your daughter in the company of people who behave like this?

Tell your daughter that she isn't going as these people haven't behaved well but that you and her are going out on a dream day of her choosing and switch the focus.

Email the person who dropped your daughter and say she will not be attending. Tell her EXACTLY why and don't mince your words.

Make new friends with decent people.

emotionsecho · 19/06/2014 16:41

Like others on here I don't understand why people don't just pick up the phone, or speak face to face.

However, if all their communication is conducted via e-mail or text I would have just replied to the intial text "Tough, DD has been invited and accepted suggest you find another solution." Then I would have copied and sent both texts to the other mum. As it stands now OP needs to discuss with the other mum exactly what is happening (she may well be unaware) and raise the issue of contributions to the event, and then confirm it all with mum 1 so acting as some kind of go-between it has all become a whole lot more complicated than it needed to be.

Also agree with others, people only get away with things because other people let them.

matildasquared · 19/06/2014 16:48

Both of these inviters are losers.

If they're this dramatic and weird over email and text, why would they be any better speaking over the telephone or face to face?

And if this is how they're starting in this escapade it's only going to get much worse as it goes on.

WTF with people saying that the OP or daughter ought to canvass to be allowed to go because she's received a "proper invite"? I wouldn't let a kid near this hot mess.

BACK AWAY!

CarpetBagger · 19/06/2014 16:54

so many people urging the op to give up and rise above this....and not put her daughter through it.

sillystring · 19/06/2014 17:03

I agree with others who've said why would you even want your DD to be associated with these awful people. Do they have some kind of weird "hold" over you? Are they in with the "popular" set and you don't want to risk your DD being excluded from it? Honestly, nothing is worth pandering to shits like this, be dignified and tell them your DD can't make it and then do something nice with her on the day of the debacle.

emotionsecho · 19/06/2014 17:04

If there was/is a mix-up then Mum 1 and Mum 2 should have sorted it out between them without involving anyone else and that should be made crystal clear to them both, preferably face to face together.

I kind of agree that the whole thing sounds like it is going to be an absolute disaster as the left hand seems oblivious of what the right hand is doing - hence the need for proper communication.

ChocolateWombat · 19/06/2014 17:13

I agree that you need to send a communication which goes to them both.

Say 'I have been receiving communication about the party from both of you and am a bit confused. Please can you clarify that DD is invited and that there is a ticket for her. I am uncertain about if you are asking all of the children to pay for their tickets, as one of you has made mention of this, but the other of you hasn't and no-on else seems to know anything g about paying. DD is really excited to be invited and looking forward to it, but please can you just clarify. Thanks'

I think this will get it all out in the open. It will force the 2 inviting mums to discuss it. It will also make it difficult for them to ask some to pay and others not to.
If you like, you could copy all the other mums of invited children in.

ChocolateWombat · 19/06/2014 17:16

OP, I think the whole situation is horrible. However, I agree with others that if you had made your communication open to both mothers,not his would have been sorted more quickly. And I also think that you have been too accommodating towards mean mother and been too quick to offer to pay, rather than clarifying that everyone is paying.
The idea of 2 tier guests where some pay and others don't is just wrong.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 19/06/2014 17:27

The pound shop make great presents. ;)

ChocolateWombat · 19/06/2014 18:07

Hope it gets sorted OP. Difficult for you to happily send your daughter to this event now, with all that has gone on.
I do think there are times when we are treated badly and need to hold our heads high and not attend. There is no need to make a big scene, but neither is there a need to be so grateful for an invitation that we are willng to go under humiliating circumstances. And I think this goes for accepting g invitations for our children too. If this does not work out and your daughter does not go for whatever reason, it will not be the end of the world. Don't feel you have to go to any lengths to ensure she goes.

Let us know how this develops. And please tell us you have communicated so that they both receive the same message, forcing them to discuss what is going on.

rollonthesummer · 19/06/2014 18:30

Why on earth are you asking them both individually whether there are enough tickets?! You're asking the wrong thing??

zipzap · 19/06/2014 18:35

Blimey. Sounds outrageous that after saying your dd can't come because mum2 only wants to pay for 2 guest tickets, she has now invited 2 completely different people but seems to imply she doesn't want your dd there.

Do you think that the mutual guest list was agreed and then her dd has decided after the fact that she didn't want your dd there, and got her mum to uninvite your dd, ignoring the fact that it wasn't her solo party and therefore she didn't have the right to unilaterally uninvite you (and that's before even starting to think about how rude it is to uninvite someone), and even went ahead and invited someone that she wanted.

Hope nice mum sticks to her principles and says that your dd was an original invitee so gets to go, if mum2 has invited more then she needs to pay for them.

Hope your dd is not suffering playground grief if this is being played out at school too!

ikeaismylocal · 19/06/2014 19:08

They can't ask you to pay for tickets to a birthday party! I assume they expect a present to each child.

I'd plan something really fun for your dd and not let her go.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 19/06/2014 19:39

Y.N.B.U. What do you think she'd be like if the boot was on the foot. Upsetting a child that's an all time low. X

Original poster

BatterseaGirl · 19/06/2014 20:04

So nice Mum has emailed me back saying that they absolutely want my DD and she was on her daughter's list (not other girl's!) and they definitely don't want a contribution. So now she needs to sort it out with mean mum. I'm well out of it now.

OP posts:

ChocolateWombat · 19/06/2014 20:09

Oh that is good news.
So glad it is sorted. I suspect mean mum will face a tricky conversation now, although she sounds a bit thick skinned and as if she won't understand her behaviour was unacceptable.

Hope you are able to put it all aside and your daughter enjoys the day.

eddielizzard · 19/06/2014 20:10

bloody hell! how do people operate like this? and messing around 8yo's! who does this?!?!?!

PrincessBabyCat · 19/06/2014 20:10

Well, good. At least it worked out for you. :)

They'll have to figure out what's going on with all the party guests between the two of them.

Just be bigger person at the party and try to stay friendly with mean mum to keep up appearances and set a good example for DD.

MintyChops · 19/06/2014 20:18

Great news! Please please please ignore any further contact by mean mum and just respond to nice mum.

emotionsecho · 19/06/2014 20:21

Yep stay out of it now OP and I hope your daughter has a lovely day. If you do get any texts about it from 'mean' mum just ignore, or forward texts to 'nice' mum and say you have done so.

Original poster

BatterseaGirl · 19/06/2014 20:21

Thanks all for words of wisdom. And to think I left corporate life because I couldn't stand all the politics! Corporate life was a doddle compared to all the crap that goes on with some mums!

OP posts:

Itsfab · 19/06/2014 20:21

Someone needs to learn some manners!

andsmile · 19/06/2014 20:25

Glad you are out of it and it has all been confirmed my the other mum.

I hope your DD has a good time.

Avoid that other one from now on.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread