Friends visited locally and didn't tell us

[WestmorlandSausage]

We live in the lake district. Lovely village, we have plenty of space for people to stay and alway make people welcome and let them know that if they want to stay they just need to let us know. We are very easy going, probably to laid back/ walkovers.

Some really good friends (or so we thought) who live about 4 hrs away have just posted pictures on facebook that show they have been within 2 - 3 miles of us all of last weekend. They have even been in our favourite local pub that we take them to every time they come. DP considers the man in the couple to be his best friend and was going to ask him to be best man at our wedding the next time we visited them. TBF we don't know his GF as well as we know him (we both know him from university) but have stayed at theirs about 6 - 7 times and him at ours more times over the years. GF has never stayed but there has always been a 'genuine' reason why.

They didn't breath a word that they we coming into the area. They clearly don't actually like us do they? DP is gutted, I feel so sorry for him and a bit guilty as my suspicion is that it is me the GF has the problem with.

In fairness to them they have tried to hide that they have been here and haven't said where the pictures were taken but the locations are so familiar to us (being locals) that it is obvious.

I'm just annoyed that they clearly felt they had to hide it, if they had said we are coming to the lakes but probably won't have time to catch up then that would have been fine .... we were pretty busy anyway!

AIBU to tell DP to pick his second choice best man and cut the fuckers loose or should we man up and talk about it with them like grownups?

another thing - regardless of where you live/how much room you have - some people offering space to stay and people staying - they feel like they're putting you out, what do they do about food etc. it can really stress some people out. not me I hasten to add!

I don't think YABu, OP. As you're evidently close friends, it would be a bit weird not to mention it, if they're that close.

If I lived in my (touristy) home town & a close friend came to stay there for a weekend, it'd be a bit odd not to mention it - even just to say afterwards "ooh, we were over in your village this weekend. We didn't mention as it was a last minute thing & we didn't want you to feel obliged to see us".

Of course, there's no obligation to mention it, but... well, isn't that the kind of thing that makes someone a close friend rather than just a business acquaintance?

Hard to tell. It could become a difficult administration task, keeping up with telling everyone you know how far you are from them with differing levels of diligence depending on the depth of the relationship and current distance.

I'd never go anywhere.

Also, if you know me/are friends with me/close friends with me, please don't feel obliged. I don't keep a spreadsheet and unless you're seeing me, I don't really care. But if you're popping in, let me know so I can tidy up.

How close, geographically, do you need to be before mandatory location reporting kicks in? Can you be 5 miles away before having to notify friends? Or is it a ten mile exclusion zone?

It depends on how demanding your 'friends' are, ApocalypseThen I think it may be best to microchip your mates so you can keep track of them ;)

you can probably do this via FB.

I wonder if they will send "ALERTS" soon - Your FB Friend XYZ is probably in your local pub NOW!

let's not forget the OP did say this upthread:

Thinking back now in my clearly overreacting state we stayed at theirs for new year and there was an incident. the GF got really drunk and did/ said some stuff I think she will probably have regretted in the morning. We weren't involved but was very awkward the next day but perhaps she still feels embarrassed?

So the GF is probably still in a state of mortification and wanted a weekend away in lovely LD without having to confront the most embarrassing way she behaved last time she saw the OP.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable OP to feel a bit put out
Having said that, I can't really make sense of why they would do this deliberately - if they really didn't want to see you, why on earth would they choose to visit your local, of all places? So I can't imagine any particular malicious intent was behind it.

Perhaps they just ended up there on an impromptu visit, then felt a bit guilty about it and decided not to mention it (as some previous poster's have said, sometimes you just end up driving through an area without putting two-and-two together and realising how close you are to friends/relatives). Perhaps, out of context, they didn't even realise it was the same pub they would have visited with you?

My friends and family live in Scotland. My husband and I went to Scotland just the two of us, didn't want to see anyone. The grief we got afterwards. Family and good friends were really miffed.
It was nothing personal. Just wanted us time.

Strikes me as rather boring, if you like the Lake District so much, to choose to go on a mini break together in the place you always visit to see your friends. Or am I getting too into this!!

I go a lot, and with it all to choose from I prefer my favourite part! However, I suspect we are both getting 'too into this'!

The other reason is that they might want to see it on their own if they have always had to see it with others.

I think it's weird and rude that they would go so close to where you were and not say anything. I'm not sure most people on here would do that.

I can tell you with easy conviction that I would.

I did actually laugh out loud, delphinium! The OP has long since departed and we are all still bleating on about these people we don't know from Adam!

The ridiculousness of MN, motleymop.
Who knows why they didn't contact- a multitude of reasons.
All OP has to decide is whether she makes something of it or not.
Personally I would take the laid back approach.