Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends visited locally and didn't tell us

288 replies

WestmorlandSausage · 18/06/2014 00:07

We live in the lake district. Lovely village, we have plenty of space for people to stay and alway make people welcome and let them know that if they want to stay they just need to let us know. We are very easy going, probably to laid back/ walkovers.

Some really good friends (or so we thought) who live about 4 hrs away have just posted pictures on facebook that show they have been within 2 - 3 miles of us all of last weekend. They have even been in our favourite local pub that we take them to every time they come. DP considers the man in the couple to be his best friend and was going to ask him to be best man at our wedding the next time we visited them. TBF we don't know his GF as well as we know him (we both know him from university) but have stayed at theirs about 6 - 7 times and him at ours more times over the years. GF has never stayed but there has always been a 'genuine' reason why.

They didn't breath a word that they we coming into the area. They clearly don't actually like us do they? DP is gutted, I feel so sorry for him and a bit guilty as my suspicion is that it is me the GF has the problem with.

In fairness to them they have tried to hide that they have been here and haven't said where the pictures were taken but the locations are so familiar to us (being locals) that it is obvious.

I'm just annoyed that they clearly felt they had to hide it, if they had said we are coming to the lakes but probably won't have time to catch up then that would have been fine .... we were pretty busy anyway!

AIBU to tell DP to pick his second choice best man and cut the fuckers loose or should we man up and talk about it with them like grownups?

OP posts:
Hellokittycat · 18/06/2014 22:26

What's your dp's plan? I can't think how you could resolve without causing embarrassment. ..

motleymop · 18/06/2014 22:27

Please stay, OP! For one thing, if you bugger off we won't know the end of the story! We need you, not in an insecure kind of way Grin , mind. Or it is......

rewa · 18/06/2014 22:29

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. It takes one minute to mention it by text either before or after and a lot longer to post pics on social media. I would be interested to hear how your DP handles this now too.

Iflyaway · 18/06/2014 22:30

You sound like the kind of MIL type that MN is full of.
Over involved in other people, s life.

Let people live their own lives. Makes it so much more pleasant when you do get together...

FreudiansSlipper · 18/06/2014 22:33

don't go

blame social media for knowing more than you sometimes need to know Smile

motleymop · 18/06/2014 22:35

I just cannot get over how spectacularly boring they sound if they really chose that area for a special weekend together alone. Don't hold out much hope for the best man's speech if they really are that unimaginative

cerealqueen · 18/06/2014 22:39

I don't think you are being totally unreasonable at all. They live 4 hours away and go for a break involving a remote pub which is your local? If we were on coupley romantic break I would not want to run into anybody we knew. The lake district is big enough. The UK is big enough!
If it were me, and my best mate lived ten minutes down the road, I'd just drop a text and say. Its bizarre.

TypicaLibra · 18/06/2014 22:58

Maybe they didn't tell you because they wanted the weekend to be spontaneous and go with the flow. There was always the option to just drop in on you, but it just didn't turn out like that. I'd try not to overthink it, but appreciate that's easier said than done. Instinctively not rationally I'd probably feel the same in your shoes.

Voodoobooboo · 18/06/2014 23:07

This is mad, a wind up surely. I have 2 lots of pals who live within 10 minutes of each other but about 3.5 hours from me. They have bugger all in common and I honestly cannot see them getting on at all. I regularly go to visit one or the other and drive home thinking "sod, should've rung the others to drop in". However my planning is not sufficiently evolved to managed that.
I expect to be cut loose at any moment.......

Delphiniumsblue · 19/06/2014 06:24

It is the first time that I have heard people being called 'spectacularly boring' because they choose to go to the Lake District for a weekend!
You could never get bored there however many weekends you went! However I can see that it might be frustrating to always have to fit in a visit if you went -and you might like to just be completely free.

motleymop · 19/06/2014 08:23

delphinium - you totally misunderstood my post.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/06/2014 08:57

Hmm - in this modern world you can go somewhere, plug it into the GPS and drive there without having a clue where you actually are.

It may be that they didn't realise until they got there - by which point it was too late and a bit embarrassing to admit it. (Especially if the gf booked the w/e away as it sounds like she doesn't know you so much.)

Or it may be at they were staying 20 miles away but thought they'd go to your local pub as they liked it /were passing / couldn't find anywhere else.

My parents live in the midlands, we live in the north, we once went to a wedding in the south. I had a very amusing phone call with them along the lines of "We are on the way to Z's wedding and you know the major road that has a junction about 200m from your house, well we seem to be on it, we are coming back the same way tomorrow, can we come for Sunday lunch?"

Luckily my parents are the types to laugh, say "ooh how lovely" and go and buy a chicken but with friends it would just be far too embarrassing to admit just how bad your grasp on geography really is.

Delphiniumsblue · 19/06/2014 08:58

I can't see what I misunderstood. The Lake District is a wonderful place to go for a romantic weekend alone as a couple- even if you know it well.

DarkHeart · 19/06/2014 09:58

YABU and over-reacting.

motleymop · 19/06/2014 10:20

Sorry, I am very grumpy this morning Delphinium!! However the rest of the thread explains....
Basically, why the hell would you choose the EXACT area of the Lake District you have been to a billion times before (and where you might awkwardly bump into your friends in the pub you have been to several times before) for a romantic weekend away together for "couple time" (bleurgh!). There is the whole of the rest of the Lake District to go to for example.

motleymop · 19/06/2014 10:28

According to Wikipedia, the Lake District covers and area of 2,292 km2 (885 sq mi). Strikes me as rather boring, if you like the Lake District so much, to choose to go on a mini break together in the place you always visit to see your friends. Or am I getting too into this!!

TheIronGnome · 19/06/2014 10:36

I'm with you OP, I think it's weird and rude that they would go so close to where you were and not say anything. I'm not sure most people on here would do that.

My best friend from college and I don't really keep in contact anymore- for no apparent reason, but that's another thread! She often would visit the city where I live to see other friends and not say anything, or I'd find out afterwards on FB. When I mentioned to her that I'd love to see her when she was coming down she'd claim that she assumed I'd be busy and that she'd let me know... Then she didn't. Bumped into her once completely by accident! Very, very awkward.

So yes, op- I don't think you're being weird. I would mention something like 'lovely pictures from your weekend away, you should've mentioned you'd be in the area! It would have been lovely to see you!' Keep it lighthearted but see what they say. I would assume you're 'more into' the friendship than they are, even on a lovely couples weekend away I'd have thought drinks with friends would be expected when they're going to your local pub which you introduced them too. It's weird!

ApocalypseThen · 19/06/2014 10:57

How close, geographically, do you need to be before mandatory location reporting kicks in? Can you be 5 miles away before having to notify friends? Or is it a ten mile exclusion zone?

TheIronGnome · 19/06/2014 11:18

When you're travelling from such a distance it's rude not to say if you're going to be so close by! When you're meant to be such close friends, it just doesn't add up to me

gotthemoononastick · 19/06/2014 11:58

Oh dear, Westmorland.I think you already know in your heart that this friendship is not what you hoped.Maybe your Dh will be able to sustain it with his friend.The women not so much.

I understand how you must feel.

BeCool · 19/06/2014 12:38

How close, geographically, do you need to be before mandatory location reporting kicks in? Can you be 5 miles away before having to notify friends? Or is it a ten mile exclusion zone?

I need to know the answer to ^^ this too! Least I stumble through life innocently & unintentionally mortifying people and making them think I hate them, when actually I'm just going about my own personal life.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/06/2014 13:04

I think it was good that you posted it here as you got a mixture of a) odd from your friends and b) not odd.

I think you need to look into this more or not as the case may be and if you're a bit too sensitive about this then get over it. I myself sometimes am over sensitive, maybe even on these topics but like you say in cold light of day you get over it, make sense of it etc

If it's a bother between you and your DH then by all means address the friendship.

I'm also a strong advocate here in TALKING about it - with the couple. Maybe they had no idea you'd be offended, thought you were busy etc. you just don't know, you're supposing all sorts. Maybe they'd had bad news/good news and just wanted to be alone - but had already booked this trip.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/06/2014 13:06

also the genuine reason why the GF doesn't stay much is telling for me - I'm afraid to say she probably doesn't like you/your DH but can't say.

In that case there is really not a lot you can do about it as her boyfriend will always side with/please her.

gobbynorthernbird · 19/06/2014 13:09

It may not be that she dislikes OP or her DP, but not everyone is as social as the OP. I know some people's idea of hell is staying in someone else's home, however well they all get on.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/06/2014 13:12

gobby - you're right there too.

even more so when you consider there was an incident where the GF got drunk etc - if I were GF or sensitive I may think ooh Westmorland may judge me/not like me for that. and who knows, OP may have come across as funny over that incident.