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Original poster

To think that my 3 year old can't be a racist?

264 replies

DroppingIn · 18/06/2014 00:05

Nursery pulled me over when I picked up DS yesterday to tell me that DS did not want to share with another boy apparently and when he was asked why said he said it was because the other boy was 'black'.

We talked about it on the way home and about people looking different colours and how we are all the same. It is not something that has ever come up before although there are quite a few black DC/Asian in his nursery.

I was not going to tell him off for saying the other DC was black as he is. I also was not going to tell him off for not sharing in this particular instance as DS is normally very good at sharing but I have seen several instances where other DC have snatched stuff off him and it being dressed up as 'sharing' which gets on my tits tbh.

I am concerned now that the nursery is going to have him down as a mini racist and of course, the parents of the other boy being told about it and thinking there may be more to it than there is.

What to do?

OP posts:
Fideliney · 18/06/2014 01:10

Teaching a child that we are all the same when the child quite clearly sees that we are not is confusing to say the least.

Quite.

I do wonder too what the DC pick up from the frantic po-faced whispering in corners any mention of skin colour provokes.

Surely the best response to this morning's remark would have been a light 'well that's a silly idea - skin and hair comes in lots of colours' and move on.

This over-earnestness with toddlers is unhealthy.

MwahMum · 18/06/2014 01:10

gertiegusset So caramel is exotic? Lol

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 01:11

Fideliney Probably didn't have a good answer? He is 3... 3 year olds find it very hard to lie, sounds like you are condoning it.

When I was 3 and broke the rules I blamed it on my imaginary friend. I think calling it a lie would be harsh as I was certain my imaginary friend was real. But it wasn't the truth either. It would be ridiculous to look deeply into it and decide that I had schizophrenia based on a 3 year old's imaginative answers.

There's no logic to 3 year olds. He wasn't saying it because he thought another child was an inferior race. He gave an off the cuff answer on the first thing he could think of because "I don't want to" is an unacceptable answer.

Fideliney · 18/06/2014 01:13

Fideliney Probably didn't have a good answer? He is 3... 3 year olds find it very hard to lie, sounds like you are condoning it.

Condoning what exactly? The whole minor event could just have easily revolved around red hair or glasses. These are 3 year olds.

softlysoftly · 18/06/2014 01:14

Caruthers is a UKIP voter, just saying...

thecage but saying we are all the same makes sense. Does your hair colour make you a different person? Your eye colour? So why would skin colour?

To define by skin colour is to assume a whole host of cultural attachments to that colour that may or may not exist. Saying "skin colour doesn't make a difference" is not the same as saying to ignore someone's cultural identity. It is just saying that person is a person, they happen to be short/tall/green eyed/blonde haired/brown skinned etc. None of that gives away anything about who they are so why say it's what makes us different when it isn't?

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 01:14

I'm with DP because I like him BabyPrincess, not because he's exotic.

Oh get off your sanctimonious soap box. Are you saying you ignore his race? I doubt it. You did not date your DP purely for his personality. You found him attractive and his race did indeed factor into that.

DH is quite proud of his heritage. Yes, I do find his looks exotic and that's what initially attracted me to him. But I stuck with him because of his personality. Wink

caruthers · 18/06/2014 01:16

Caruthers is a UKIP voter, just saying...

What has that got to do with anything softlysoftly?

If you're insinuating that i'm a racist you're a lazy ignorant fool.

gertiegusset · 18/06/2014 01:16

Does being black skinned mean you have a different culture?
How would a three year old know about a different culture, the other child may look different but not a lot more different to a Chinese child or a child who looks vey blond or one who is of Indian parentage.

trufflesnout · 18/06/2014 01:19

I think it's the word "exotic" that looks out of place in your posts, Princess, since it's associated with the whole idea of non-whites being "others". But I get what you're trying to say I think

gertiegusset · 18/06/2014 01:19

MwahMum Wed 18-Jun-14 01:10:27

gertiegusset So caramel is exotic? Lol

softlysoftly · 18/06/2014 01:19

I've been on threads with you before there is no insinuating it's an out and out fact.

And if that's not enough this statement makes it clear:

*Apart from looking different and having completely different cultures yes

We are different.*

The kid was black, how the fuck does that give him/her a totally different culture? It doesn't apart from to someone who is either racist or stupid enough to think it does.

gertiegusset · 18/06/2014 01:19

RTFT doll.

caruthers · 18/06/2014 01:20

softlysoftly

You're just one of those ignorant shouting at bus people.

There is nothing racist in what I posted.

Are you usually a fool and a bore?

Fideliney · 18/06/2014 01:21

We get it Princess your OH is hot Wink

caruthers · 18/06/2014 01:21

If you don't think people are different then YOU are the problem.

MwahMum · 18/06/2014 01:21

gertiegusset Black skinned? I don't know anyone who uses the term "Black skinned" if you have noticed black comes in all type of shades, unlike Caucasian.

I agree with what softlysoftly said.. she seems like one of the few people with sense in this message board. And why would you call her a lazy ignorant fool? But then again people use mumsnet as a shield to say what they want to people, knowing full well they could never say it to them in RL

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 01:23

I think it's the word "exotic" that looks out of place in your posts, Princess, since it's associated with the whole idea of non-whites being "others". But I get what you're trying to say I think

Hmm.. Perhaps that wasn't the right word then. But his looks factored into my initial attraction and his race was part of that. His race is part of his identity, and to say you're color blind is to dismiss a part of who he is instead of embracing it. If that makes sense.

I think the problem is that the default is white. In ads, in movies, in books. When you say we're all the same it sort of encourages that attitude because if we're all the same it doesn't matter that the default is always white. Instead it should be yes, we're all different, but different is awesome. So let's embrace and celebrate everyone's differences instead of trying to dismiss part of someone's identity or sweep it under the rug on the premise of not being racist.

Race doesn't define a person, but it is a part of them that should be acknowledged.

caruthers · 18/06/2014 01:23

MwahMum

You don't think there are different shades of white?

You should have gone to specsavers.

softlysoftly · 18/06/2014 01:23

Ok yes I'm one of those, not sure what a shouting at bus person is but as you were.

You believe skin colour makes people "different" if you aren't racist then you are just stupid.

MwahMum · 18/06/2014 01:24

Caruthers Why are you getting so aggressive over a message board? There is no need for those petty insults I don't think you are aware of how you are coming across, it's really not a good look.

gertiegusset · 18/06/2014 01:24

Errr, I didn't call anyone a lazy ignorant fool.

And is Caucasian all the same too?

Fideliney · 18/06/2014 01:25

Look - 3 is exactly the age that DC are old enough to know that they are supposed to share and young enough not to want to.

They are also old enough to have a stab at making an excuse but not very good at it yet. So they offer shallow reasons for not playing with x, not sharing their sweets with y. All deeply predictable.

He said something slightly unfortunate but unremarkable for his age. Non story AFAICS.

MwahMum · 18/06/2014 01:26

Caruthers Did you just say I should have went to specsavers? Just when I thought I'd heard it all... Clearly there must be something going on in your life for you to come here and let off all this steam and throw insults about.

Boudica1990 · 18/06/2014 01:27

He is 3 he probably blurted out the first thing that came to his head. If the kid had been fat he pprobably would have said because he was a fatty I didn't want to share.

I wouldnt worry op, and I think explaining to a 3 year old that we are all the same regardless of skin colour or hair colour etc is perfectly acceptable for a 3 year old.

My DP is of Jamaican heritage, he's mixed race and black, big deal. People need to stop being so prissy and PC about skin colour. It is what it is.

And OP don't worry, I am foreseeing serious issues with my son in the future due to DP's and his brothers repeated use of the N word when joking about. I have asked them to stop but they will forget on occasion. Yeah that's gonna be a great day at nursery when my practically white child blurts out the N word....great!! Lol

caruthers · 18/06/2014 01:27

You believe skin colour makes people "different" if you aren't racist then you are just stupid.

We are different it's people like you who are piling everyone into one great homogeneous mass that are part of the problem.

Do you know what different means?