To think that my 3 year old can't be a racist?

[DroppingIn]

Nursery pulled me over when I picked up DS yesterday to tell me that DS did not want to share with another boy apparently and when he was asked why said he said it was because the other boy was 'black'.

We talked about it on the way home and about people looking different colours and how we are all the same. It is not something that has ever come up before although there are quite a few black DC/Asian in his nursery.

I was not going to tell him off for saying the other DC was black as he is. I also was not going to tell him off for not sharing in this particular instance as DS is normally very good at sharing but I have seen several instances where other DC have snatched stuff off him and it being dressed up as 'sharing' which gets on my tits tbh.

I am concerned now that the nursery is going to have him down as a mini racist and of course, the parents of the other boy being told about it and thinking there may be more to it than there is.

What to do?

Lots of Chinese/ Mongolians look very similar, in fact I believe Mongolia is still part of China.

Inner Mongolia has never been part of China.

I suppose if you are from Mongolia or China you could tell the difference.

Princess sort of but as gertie says where is the line? Skin colour is not in any way definitive, to say "embrace the differences" is too far one way in which "don't see colour" is too far the other. Neither works.

Yes, eventually getting to the point where skin color is merely a descriptor would be ideal. But seeing as how I have yet to see a black child hit the cover of magazines and headlines when they go missing, I think leaning more towards the embracing side is more in order at this point in time, if that makes sense. Society has spent a long time making white the superior color and nonwhites the inferior one. I think it's going to take more than just "not seeing" skin color to help change that.

Mongolia is it's own country and Mongols do not look like those from central China, the facial structure is different.

The same way people from Nepal are of different stature to those from say central India.

I wouldn't want to strip him of his skin colour, why would I?
But it is another difference that doesn't detract from him, just makes him different in the way that lots of us are different.

I would guess that people from Hong Kong look very different from people from Northern/Western/Central China.
It is a big country but they are all Chinese.

Look, were all different, we all look different, but we are not all the same people that's the IMPORTANT point many are missing.

What I am saying is for some people their race is their heritage, their culture and probably has shaped their personality. That some people are very happy to be a different race and are proud of the way they look. That you shouldn't strip this away from them and say "you don't see race" if you don't see race you may well not be seeing all of that person, because that person may well be very proud of their race and want you to acknowledge it but not let it hinder your view on their personality.

My little girl was crying one night aged 9, so I asked why - turned out she was feeling sad thinking about an incident that happened in kindergarten aged 5.

The incident? The kids were asked to draw a picture of Martin Luther king's dream. They had talked about him all week and so she understood his speech as well as any other 5 year old - but instead of drawing the obligatory white and black hands holding, she drew a blak Pegasus pony flying in the clouds. The teachers totally over-reacted IMO, and called us into the school to talk to her with them about it. They asked why she drew a flying horse instead of something about Martin Luther King jr, and she said that she thought it would be a nice dream for him. I found it kind of sweet and not racist at all, but the school made her think it was a crime so 3 years later she still cries herself to
Sleep worrying about it. Bastards.

I love Mongolian spicy lamb.

I love Mongolian spicy lamb.

Is that inner Mongolian spicy Lamb or outer Mongolian spicy Lamb?

They are slightly different :)

The teachers totally over-reacted IMO, and called us into the school to talk to her with them about it. They asked why she drew a flying horse instead of something about Martin Luther King jr, and she said that she thought it would be a nice dream for him. I found it kind of sweet and not racist at all, but the school made her think it was a crime so 3 years later she still cries herself to. Sleep worrying about it. Bastards.

Crikey.

So Boudicca, if I say I see a black face I am racist, if I say I see another human being's (black) face then I am denying that person his/her heritage even though I probably don't know what that heritage is.
I'll stick with seeing the person until I get to know that person, then I may find out about the heritage.
If they want to tell me that is.

Fuck, it's 3am.
Goodnight.

And ditto to crickey.
How odd.

Night.

Night.

That's not what I'm saying at all, you can see whatever face you want to see. All I'm saying is you can't walk around thinking different races don't exist for some PC reason. That you don't want to acknowledge their race before you know them, it's the first thing many of us notice about one another is personal appearance. I'm not gonna lie first thing I noticed about DP was he was mixed race, it was pretty obvious.

Race is a pretty defining characteristic, it's like walking around with the idea that people don't have noses. They do accept it just don't let it hinder any decisions. I just think it's sad that people now have this idea that race shouldn't exist, or should be ignored. We're all different in our own ways why should we not acknowledge it?

The problem arises when stereotypes and negativity is placed against a characteristic but that's shouldn't happen, but you can't stop this by suddenly deciding race dosnt exist. Surely if anything you should acknowledge it more and teach that those negative stereotypes are in no way linked to race. That race is simply how we look and that's where it ends, and that people are proud of the way they look.

This is a lovely book.

When my dd was small we lived in Dublin, which was nearly all white then. We were walking down the street and approaching a black man and she points and says "Look mummy... " as we were passing him, and then just as he is out of earshot she says "isn't he beautiful!"

Children of three would not be racist until they hear racism at home. What is a three-year-old going to know about nationalism, the slave trade and suchlike?

DS (8) isn't aware of anything he does that's wrong. He doesn't know that going down a slide when someone's already on it is wrong because he has severe learning disabilities and doesn't understand that other people have feelings.

It doesn't mean he isn't told when he has done it, and showed the correct way to behave.

If your DS had said he's not playing with someone because they were a girl, would you tell him that wasn't kind? Or if he said he wasn't playing because they had red hair?

You have to tell children when they say unkind things BECAUSE they don't know they're being unkind. It's the only way they learn.b

I'm not sure what my three and a half year old thinks of his mixed heritage. It hasn't ever come up although I assume at some point it will probably unfortunately be pointed out to him by someone else.

I guess it just doesn't factor into his questioning. His mum is his mum with long straight brown hair and pale pinkish skin. His dad is his dad with short curly hair and darker brownish skin. We are just two individuals. And our friends are similarly mostly in a wide variety of mixed race relationships. So I can only guess that he takes it as a given that everyone single individual he knows looks different and we are all individuals even when we visually have more similarities with some people it doesn't make us necessarily more similar and it just has no bearing on how he formulates relationships or makes judgements.

I guess a child who isn't as exposed to diversity would need some discussion to come to this same level of understanding.

And it's important to note that within dp's side of the family (Nigerian heritage) his grandparents go to Nigeria a lot and have NigeIan accents. His uncle lives with them and looks like his grandad but has a London accent and doesn't wear traditional clothes etc. And it goes without saying completely difffernt characters as they are different people (shock horror!) There is so much difference in individuals who look similar that it wouldn't occur to him to group them together really other than knowing they are family and related.

Ditto with my side of the family!

Shocked at all the racism apologists on here.
If I had a black child and another child refused to share with him 'because he is black' I would certainly take this as a racist incident.

Nurseries are obliged to log incidents of racism and action taken.I would be mortified if your DS was my child .You on the other hand are equating it with Tshirt colours and refusing to explain to him why what he said was completely unacceptable.Your child has picked up this idea from somewhere an you need to stamp it out.

I would not worry, if you have not influenced your ds , he is only 3 a baby, he cannot be racist as we know it! My friends 4 year old told mr that my dd was his girlfriend, I asked jokingly can I be your girlfriend, he replied no because your fat and old . He was just being descriptive and what he said was true. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and was a lot older than him. Your ds was just stating a fact.

You need to encourage your ds to share and mabey show him real life books of people from different races.