to think that the only polite comment to someone who has lost weight is 'You're looking very well'?

[LadyPeterWimsey]

I probably ABU, but I am fed up with having to respond to comments about my recent (large) weight loss.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to tell you how much I've lost. I didn't do it for your approval, I did it for me. I don't need you to congratulate me. All it makes me think is that the main thing you noticed about me before was how fat I was, and I'd like to think there was more to our friendship than that.

If you must comment, do say, 'You're looking so well. Is that a new dress/shirt/hat?'. If I'm desperate to let you know how much weight I've lost (and I'm not - I would rather gain it all back again than tell you an actual number, ever; I will go to the grave with my statistics) I'm sure I'll be able to work it into the conversation.

I know you're just trying to be nice, just trying to encourage me, but I don't want you to. I didn't need your encouragement to lose it, and no number of comments will help me keep it off, which is the really hard part. Please, let's talk about something less superficial and more interesting, and which doesn't remind me how large I used to be. I was clever and interesting then, and I still am, so please act like there is more to me than how I look.

Oh, and thank you fuzerelli

I have read through it again.
All I can surmise is that some people are upset if you mention it and some are upset if you don't.
All you can do is be your normal self, but try and be sensitive to unspoken messages.

I think that what I have taken from this thread, and what I shall do is be the same to most people.
But with a couple of people, it is best to say little. Less than I have been. That way I wont get myself into trouble.
I thought that it was nice behaviour to say more, but now I can see that it is better to say less. Shame really, but I am happy to oblige.

I feel the same. I also feel the same about when I change my hair or clothes or wear make up. But I do believe this stems from low self esteem. And you should be proud of the weight loss, it's not easy at times! Xx

I am wondering if this is why some people choose to stay overweight.
So that people will not then comment if they lose some.
Easier to stay the same.

I am wondering if this is why some people choose to stay overweight

really?

Surely if you are overweight the factors motivating you to lose weight are improved health and appearance, why would other people's rudeness stop you from looking after your own best interests?

Fair point, Lady PW! I shall watch what I say in future - you never know people's reasons for losing weight.
In a similar vein I hate it when people say "You look too thin - you look ill" I'm not too thin - I have a healthy BMI and I wouldn't dream of saying "Oh you are sooo fat!" to some-one so why should they comment on my size?
Drives me mad!

People make personal remarks all the time on all sorts of subjects. You can't control it, so you need a way to deflect it and not let it bother you.

it's a little unreasonable to expect people to say "is this a new top", when very clearly you've lost a lot of weight.

that being said, I do think it's rude to comment directly on someone's weight loss. I would probably say something vague like "wow, you look amazing!", and not be more specific unless the other person starts discussing their weight loss.

I expect it makes people think, but I have asked a couple and they feel like me-miffed if you make the effort and no one comments!

I've lost quite a bit of weight recently (intentionally) and I love it when people comment on it

I think the trick to remember is no one (except maybe a mother or a spouse) actually really cares what you look like or thinks about you and your weight.
So really it's overthinking it massively as it just doesn't matter that much to anyone else.

Exactly- they are making conversation - not intended to be analysed.

I can see how it is possible to get in a right state, if many things people say to you all day get over analysed.
Yikes.
I have just had people, quite important people to my life here for 3 hours. Yes my husband and I went through what they said and what we said for a bit afterwards. But we dont do any more than that. Time to move on.

Most people do not mean any harm by what they say to others.

It is just chit chat.

None of us are really that important people you know. We are not special. We talk to say 20 a day?
I used to work in a job where I was talking to two or three
hundred a day throughout the day. People are but just a number in the great scheme of things.
I think we can overestimate our own importance.