to think that the only polite comment to someone who has lost weight is 'You're looking very well'?

[LadyPeterWimsey]

I probably ABU, but I am fed up with having to respond to comments about my recent (large) weight loss.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to tell you how much I've lost. I didn't do it for your approval, I did it for me. I don't need you to congratulate me. All it makes me think is that the main thing you noticed about me before was how fat I was, and I'd like to think there was more to our friendship than that.

If you must comment, do say, 'You're looking so well. Is that a new dress/shirt/hat?'. If I'm desperate to let you know how much weight I've lost (and I'm not - I would rather gain it all back again than tell you an actual number, ever; I will go to the grave with my statistics) I'm sure I'll be able to work it into the conversation.

I know you're just trying to be nice, just trying to encourage me, but I don't want you to. I didn't need your encouragement to lose it, and no number of comments will help me keep it off, which is the really hard part. Please, let's talk about something less superficial and more interesting, and which doesn't remind me how large I used to be. I was clever and interesting then, and I still am, so please act like there is more to me than how I look.

I don't mind the compliments, its the "but don't lose any more will you?" erm if I want to it's my choice!

I can't see the difference Sirzy- if 'you look much thinner' means you were fat before then it follows that 'you look well' means you looked ill before or 'you look lovely' means you you look dreadful before!
Best say nothing and pretend you haven't noticed a thing!

Whenever I have said it people have been very happy - last week they did a twirl, full of smiles! It would have been very mean of me not to mention it.

that's great, clearly you judged it well

but there are people who don't like it, and i don't think that's so surprising

about 50/50 so do what you normally do as you will upset half whatever you do!

I feel exactly the same as you OP in fact one reason I fail so many diets is once people start noticing and commenting all I think is what's the point everyone knows me as fat so I might as well stay fat.

It is totally my issue and I'm never rude to anyone. I wish I could get over it.

Yep you look great? That sounds good.

I've noticed that people are willing to comment disapprovingly on thinness, eg 'you've lost weight...dont lose any more' but i would never dream of telling someone 'dont get any fatter'

Surely it is rude not to comment?

People have gone to so much effort and then people dont mention it!

It cant be hidden.
So other people are supposed to pretend that it can be. And also have to mind read as to which people want something said and which dont.

I would definitely mention it to close friends. And close relatives.
Acquaintances - I would judge how chatty and open they are.

tbh, this thread is making me a bit more wary of talking to people who are not very open and friendly.
It is making me think that whatever I say can be construed to wrong way.

If this thread is making people more aware that weight loss comes from a sad and painful place for some people, I think that's a really good thing. If in doubt, a quiet 'you look good' seems to be a diplomatic way forward

my thoughts exactly Suzanne.

It is making me think that whatever I say can be construed to wrong way.

It can. I say it anyway. Weed out the high strung people from my life. It's more a headache to keep tip toeing around my words just to keep people that are hard work around. I have a group of laid back friends that I get along with very well because of it. :)

I will just be more wary of a certain few, and plough right ahead with the others

I used to gently talk to a couple about mundane things. Now I am wondering if it is better to leave them well alone.

Feck off. If I've gone to the effort at least pay me a bloody compliment.

Feck off. If I've gone to the effort at least pay me a bloody compliment.

miscarriages, physical or mental illness etc as reasons for not wanting weight commented on = highly strung?

good lord

good job i have a strategy for weeding out insensitive people from my life isn't it

I remember a thread where someone got upset by people discussing the weather! Best to not talk!
It just isn't worth it if you have to tiptoe around on egg shells and think deeply about every little thing you say!

small talk is hardly limited to someone's appearance and the weather, is it?

No it isnt Willie. Which is why it is obviously best not to say anything at all to them.
You cant go wrong then!