Just found underwear from bfs ex girlfriend in my flat. Help what do I do?

[Tulip1011]

Title pretty much says it all! I'm confident the ex was years ago and now remarried. But my bf has hung on to her underwear?? Deliberately unpacked and kept at the bottom of his side of the wardrobe. My immediate reaction is to throw it. Am I right??

I would weirded out if I was the OP and MASSIVELY creeped out if I was the long-gone ex and I happened to find out about it.

I don't think it's controlling to poke around in cupboard IN YOUR OWN HOME.

tbh the thread is a bit psychotic

there are worse crimes than having old smalls in your possession.

Depends whether he's generally normal or generally not, tbh.

Because to hang on to underwear, which obviously has strong sexual/romantic associations is inappropriate if the man has moved on to another relationship. Most people, and I'm assuming the OP is one of them, want their romantic and sexual relationship with their partner to be exclusive to them and to find that your partner is deliberately storing such a strong reminder of a past romantic/sexual liaison would be a betrayal.

I don't see any problem at all with "going with your gut" - it normally just means being aware of something due to lots of minor indications which may be insignificant individually but, taken together, add up to a consistent feeling. In many cases, a gut instinct is later borne out by tangible evidence like the OP found.

I would be annoyed/weirded out if I was the OP, and massively creeped out if I was the long-gone ex. Yuck.

I don't think it's at all controlling to poke around cupboards in your own flat!

Going with your gut is fine so long as you acknowledge that your partner may think you have repeatedly overstepped a boundary and tell you to bugger off with your nasty insinuations,

Boney - he has another woman's underwear in his drawer - that out trumps the 'snooping'. He has breached the trust and OP has every right to look for evidence. HE is the unethical one - and she has a right to seek truths.

I do not think underwear is an appropriate or ethical momento.

Before I had the locks changed my ex came back into the house and put some of his 4XXXXL boxers into my bedroom. On top of a pile of my clothes. I regret having thrown them out. I should have forwarded them to his solicitors with his post.

I'm just off to root through the junk cupboard where I know there is a bag of an ex's clothes including boxers to throw them away...I wouldn't want to be a unethical, immoral person....

Whatever you go looking for, you'll find

She was looking for evidence before he breached her trust in the first place, beginning with snooping in drawers in a property she didn't even live in.

Boudica

I have a satin camisole thingie (of mine not an ex's) still hanging around which reminds me of a romantic sexy night of candles and lurve planned with an ex. I remember nothing of the sexy lurve. What I do remember my old flatmate and dear friend coming in drunk and sitting on the end of the bed yabbering away at us for ages before taking in the scene and gasping ''Urgh! what have you two been doing? Ooh, you're disgusting!''

A pressed daisy might remind you of the time you first had anal sex in a field and a dog walker caught you.

Urgh. I think it's a bit rank tbh. Can't people keep photo's or journals if their ex was a big part of their life? Why underwear?

^^last post in response to better

boudica I think I have a lock of an ex's hair somewhere! (long story).
wtf would the OP think if she found that?!?!

oh god, I am a weirdo

pretty sure if I looked through DH's drawers I wouldn't find any of his ex's scants rooty

Sooty - can't argue with that

quite, waffly. the most innocuous objects have borne most meaning in my life, the most ostensibly incriminating usually I don't care enough about to get rid of (see lock of hair, above)

This is what I have been trying to say, badly. OP will never get inside his mind and shouldn't want to

rootypig you are a hair sniffer and I claim my 50points for Gryffindor

ooh Gennz I knew someone would take it literally

yes, that is what I meant

I had an inadvertent case of this with my BF now DH and random bit of XP property..."they are definitely NOT my socks"

How do you know they belong to his ex?

You can buy used undies-if that's your thing. I make a fucking fortune out of it...

I have no idea where the hair is. Can't recall if I threw it away or kept because it was funny and weird.

I AM THE SORT OF PERSON PEOPLE START THREADS ABOUT ON MUMSNET

fuck

The OP has just mentioned finding something once on this thread and that is what I am responding to. Here she found something that was significant and troubling to her relationship so she was justified in her suspicions.

I don't agree at all that you will always find something "if you look". In happy, fulfilled relationships, there would be nothing like this to find.

better over the course of a long term relationship of course there will be things that go through your partner's head, flirtations, nostalgia, whatever, things that they think or say or do that you would be a good deal better off not knowing about. Because your partner is always going to be a person far beyond your relationship, after all.

Ok, this doesn't usually involve old pants. But I think the point stands.