Just found underwear from bfs ex girlfriend in my flat. Help what do I do?

[Tulip1011]

Title pretty much says it all! I'm confident the ex was years ago and now remarried. But my bf has hung on to her underwear?? Deliberately unpacked and kept at the bottom of his side of the wardrobe. My immediate reaction is to throw it. Am I right??

He's probably forgotten they are there.

Why isn't he allowed mementos?

I've no intentions of throwing out mementos of my exes.

Maybe you should stop being so nosy.

Waffly do you keep underwear though?? Don't you think it's a bit gross?

He hasn't forgotten, they are deliberately placed behind some curtains we just took down

Why is it gross? presumably it was sexy at the time. What has changed?

It's a bit gross that there is another woman's underwear in my wardrobe

Also you got annoyed and made him throw out letters. So it's not becaue it's underwear, is it?

I have an pair of my exes boxers in my knicker drawer? Is this weird. They're not a momento of any sort, I just don't clean my drawers out regularly.

When you said 'deliberately unpacked' it sounded like he'd moved in with you, not the other way round.

That is weird. And yes it is the underwear aspect that makes it creepy, not the 'memento'. I would ask him outright why has he kept them?

Afraid I don't have a lot of sympathy. He's already let you know how he feels about you going through his stuff.

Have you considered the possibility that your boyfriend has you sussed and those pants don't belong to anyone?

Maybe he bought them and strategically placed them in his wardrobe to wind you up cos he knows what you're liable to do when "bored"?

I think I've got some socks hanging about in my sock drawer that were an ex's. they might come in useful at some point. or not. I might even get round to throwing them out if I have a clear out.

We both just moved into a cost together. He just moved his stuff from one side if the wardrobe to the other so I know he is aware of them. I didn't make him throw the letters

If you can't look in each others side of the wardrobe then it sounds like a less than good relationship. It is a wardrobe, you haven't gone through his diary ffs.

*flat (not cost). Socks is very different from Bra and Silk nighty

I don't know that they sound deliberately hidden tbh. You've picked the curtains up, which have only recently been put there and found them?

Tbh that's your get out clause for finding them. You picked the curtains up to wash/hang/put in loft.

What are you planning on doing with the curtains. Could you tell him you're going to wash/donate/dispose of them and see what his reaction is as to whether he is deliberately hiding them.

However, if there's no trust between either of you then consider where your relationship is heading.

I can't imagine why you're still rooting through his stuff when he's already made it clear how he feels. You must be very insecure if you can't be sufficiently adult to respect boundaries in a relationship.

I was you about 8 years ago. I could have written every one of your posts - except I was looking for a spare plastic bag or something, not having a nosey. Irrelevant really - my point is we split last year and up until now I'd forgotten about that incident. I chose to just leave them where I found them and not confront him. Looking back, that was daft.

Don't make my mistake, confront him in some way (no advice there on how!) otherwise it will fester away in your head. For me, it's something else I can add to the list of 'reasons I should have binned him off way, way earlier than I did'.

Good call I think I might mention moving the curtains tmrw. Look I can't unsee them can i

How do you know who they belong to?

Or shall I just quietly chuck them. Aaarghhh

If you quietly chuck them it'll always be a horrible unspoken, mutually suspicious thing between you two. It will destroy the trust in your relationship, on both sides.

Or you could say you found some of his exes underwear today and you wondered why he has kept them. You could tell him how it has made you feel if you want and you think he will be sympathetic. If not, why are you with him?