Just found underwear from bfs ex girlfriend in my flat. Help what do I do?

[Tulip1011]

Title pretty much says it all! I'm confident the ex was years ago and now remarried. But my bf has hung on to her underwear?? Deliberately unpacked and kept at the bottom of his side of the wardrobe. My immediate reaction is to throw it. Am I right??

Honestly, if I'd found something like this - I'd post them back to the ex. So YoutheCat you may well find out.

Not as creepy as punk boy mentioned on here once. The guy who kept a used condom tied in a knot for each girlfriend

it's an interesting turn of phrase, "want to check everything is ok".

It's not a yes or no, that only you can decide, OP. The relationship isn't something you step outside to check on. The checking IS the relationship.

Agree with whomever said doomed.

Sorry Cat, read that back and it sounded quite threatening!! Didn't mean to!

I once accidentally left some (dirty obvs) knickers at an ex's house. I found them in the bedside cabinet where he must have put them away. I swapped them for a new dirty pair and left him a note too. Maybe he still has them. Or more likely he forgot to empty the cabinet when he moved out and the LL found them and the note.

Rooty - but tell me you've had more than one in your lifetime?
And if so, are you sure you know where the old ones went?

Different people have different boundaries and that is ok. Personally I consider our shared wardrobe fair game, although I'd be less likely to snoop and more likely to eventually get round to sorting it out.

And you know what - if I had found my husband had cheated on me I would 'snoop' for as long as I needed to feel secure. I really don't get why this upsets people, I do not give a damn if my husband looks at any of my stuff.

So Tulip I really don't know why you've got so much shit, I think you should calmly ask him what the underwear is doing and see what he says. Good luck.

Objection you are very scientifically minded
All bras accounted for! pants on the other hand.....

I've had a few stalkers in my time. God knows where my knickers are!

I've had a bra taken as a memento from a one night stand.

I think that if a partner cheats and the only way to maintain the relationship is to repeatedly snoop, then maybe it would be healthier to walk away than stay.

As long as there's no name tape in them, I can't see the problem

But Calloh, he hasn't cheated.

Not knickers but I've still got a pack of condoms my ex boyfriend left in my knicker drawer.

Didn't see the sense in tossing them as I thought they might come in handy for the next victim.

Is that not good etiquette?

I think that's fine, pumpkin but what did you do with his buttplug?

.....I just wonder how many of you would have different reactions if YOU suddenly found that your other half's had kept underwear from previous girlfriends......

You, he went on a date with another girl while they were going through a bad patch I thought?

Pumpkin - so long as they aren't used ones you are good.
My 1st boyfriend bought a new packet of condoms to take my virginity as he thought I'd upset me to see an opened packet.
I thought that was the height of romance at the time because I was a twat he had no money

Oh my god, he totally stole the condoms.

ok so i have read the whole thread, my advice

Stoop snooping about!! It's up to your partner what he keeps not you.

Jesus, I still have my wedding ring and engagement ring, dosnt mean I'm going to run back to exh anytime soon. I also have tops, socks from another ex from many moons ago. My DP does not care, I am crap at throwing things out and tend to end up moving things from pillar to post, I've moved house 3 times and still have a pair of one of my ex's boxers. DP also still has things from previous relationships clothing, pictures. I would never ever say to him "throw them out" they are his things. I'm comfortable in my relationship and love my DP to the ends of the earth and back, I would never impose such rules on him, and to be honest if he said to me throw stuff out I would be upset. They are my belongings :(

I lost my virginity with stolen condoms. Bloody hell.

She said that a year ago he went on a date with someone else. She found that out by opening his drawer when she didn't live with him and the piece of paper with the girl's number just happened to be lying there.

I don't know, MrsCakes if you both want it to work and someone goes through a moment of insecurity and needs to check something, I don't think it has to be the end of the relationship or is unrecoverable from - unless either person is deeply unhappy with that. I can understand that some might be but personally I wouldn't.

I just can't see why she moved in with him when she didn't feel she could trust him. She says they dealt with it but they obviously didn't.

I think that's fine, pumpkin but what did you do with his buttplug?

Good catch! I'm all for recycling, me.

Objection, that is truly beautiful. Who said romance was dead??

Calluh - agree with your posts ..