Just found underwear from bfs ex girlfriend in my flat. Help what do I do?

[Tulip1011]

Title pretty much says it all! I'm confident the ex was years ago and now remarried. But my bf has hung on to her underwear?? Deliberately unpacked and kept at the bottom of his side of the wardrobe. My immediate reaction is to throw it. Am I right??

This will all end in tears one day for the OP when the partner has enough of being snooped on and told to throw belongings away! First it was letters, then the cupboard.....it will lead to phone snooping, email snooping...where will it end?!?!

"Oh he was late home by 5 minutes, so I went through all his e-mail accounts and found a e-mail from when he was 16 saying how he loved this girl so much...." It's a slippery slope.

It doesn't matter now though because she got the result she wanted, so yeah she won, a victory for her.

Many things in a relationship can point to the need to snoop for evidence, and if evidence is found then surely it is the person who has lied and hid something at fault, not the wronged party

Many things? Really? In a healthy relationship? The only thing that would make me snoop is if my DH went missing, then I would look. Can't imagine any other circumstance.

And the ends don't justify the means. What if the snooping finds nothing? Is that OK? Surely the snooper is lying, by not telling the other person that they are doing all this snooping?

It is not acceptable behaviour in a grown up relationship.

agreed. Snooping is never justified IMO.

I don't think this sounds like a particularly healthy relationship. And yes, in a lot of cases people need firm evidence their partner is cheating/lying or whatever before they will give up on the relationship. Many people on the relationships boards would still be with horrible exes if this wasn't the case.
If anyone is living with someone and hiding something deliberately from their partner that could hurt them, they are in my opinion an idiot. It will either be discovered (and then they can call it null and void because the person it would hurt had the audacity to FIND the thing but tbh that won't make much difference) or they will be living with the possibility of having it found and questioned. Or perhaps they die and then the pieces they wanted hidden come to the fore just as everyone is planning their funeral.... Secrets that hurt the other partner should not be part of a 'healthy' relationship IMO.