Just found underwear from bfs ex girlfriend in my flat. Help what do I do?

[Tulip1011]

Title pretty much says it all! I'm confident the ex was years ago and now remarried. But my bf has hung on to her underwear?? Deliberately unpacked and kept at the bottom of his side of the wardrobe. My immediate reaction is to throw it. Am I right??

I don't think it's usual and I wouldn't be delighted. But I don't think it's odd in the sense that I couldn't understand it, or it's unforgiveably weird. I have kept letters, trinkets, things from past loves and I've kept them for me, to look back on when I'm old, bugger what DH or anyone else thinks.

I think the bigger issue for the OP is her need to know everything, and if she doesn't address it, the relationship won't survive. Smalls or no.

It is weird. And everyone upset about the privacy aspect, why? They live together in a shared property. OP has every right to go through her wardrobe if she wants to. I wouldn't have a problem with my husband looking through my things if he felt the need to and he wouldn't care at all if I did the same. We are completely open with phones, passwords etc. I don't feel the need to have privacy from him, we are a partnership.

Boney - she found knickers - another woman's knickers!!

I suppose the short answer, yourbrotherinlaw, is not everyone is like you, and that's ok.

Thought it was a bra and a nightie.

I guess everyone has different boundaries for what they'd view as an unacceptable invasion of privacy.
I genuinely can't think of anything my OH doing that I'd view as such, aside from perhaps looking up my fanny whilst I was sleeping or something.

I thing repeated snooping says a lot about the relationship, how miserable must it be to feel the need to do that?

I am truly baffled that people think it is reasonable to keep someone's underwear though.

And everyone upset about the privacy aspect, why?

Because the OP has form for snooping into his private things and then getting upset about the keepsakes she finds...to the point of reading his very personal letters to his ex.

If this was a one off, I'm quite sure some of the replies would be very different.

ilovesooty, the OP clearly doesn't like you snooping with your questions.

usual it's not so much the going into the wardrobe. I think OP's DP clearly doesn't think there's anything so wrong with it as they're less hidden than tucked away. It's the desire to know everything that's going through his head / ever has!

It's hardly private in a shared wardrobe though is it?! His hiding places suck!

Obviously. She hasn't been back since she told me to fuck off.

I think as Worra said that the fact that she's done this several times, even when she didn't live in the property, is relevant.

worra good point, it does make a difference.

Doesn't lessen the fact the man keeps another womans underwear (to do what with??)

I think that keeping someone's underwear is also a HUGE invasion to the owner of said garments.
Do you not think so?
How would you feel if an ex kept hold of your underwear and stashed it away?

Objection, I wouldn't know would I, because it'd be an ex.

I only have one bra (really!), no chance of leaving it with someone

I'm beginning to wonder if a pp was right and if he left it under the curtains to see ifsshe'd find it given his annoyance after the letters incident.

At this point in the relationship (just moved in together) you should be at the 'totally loved up' stage not at the 'I don't trust you so I'm going to fish through your stuff' stage.

It's doomed.

"The OP clearly does have trust issues."

Yes damn right she does

She's got an underwear collector boyfriend ..

Yes, YouTheCat but she obviously didn't Trust him even before she moved in.

Maybe he's low carbing and thinks they'll fit him by Christmas?

"want to check everything is ok"

WHEN YOU are checking up on your partner things are not okay.