To have just realised that I have no friends

[DDDDDORA]

Four times this week I made plans (2 of them with the same person) and on all 4 occasions I have text to confirm plans to be told that they now have other plans and can we do it another time. People only chat to me when other people aren't around as soon as someone better comes along they walk away/ turn back on me.
I can't remember the last time I was invited along to anything and I always arrange things but 90% of the time people cancel or forget.
AIBU to think I must be a pretty boring person and WIBU to just give up on people altogether?

Can I join you all? Seems there's a lot of us in the same boat. I didn't get an ice bucket challenge either! I don't have my FB friends or friends in real life. I am always the one to make the plans and one friend constantly cancels on me. I've taken a step back from everyone and the sad thing is, it's not been noticed at all!

I also go through the phases you describe katiekatie- if I get a knockback, it tends to stop my efforts though, whereas a more confident person would just plough on...you are right to keep on trying.
I have been inspired by this thread to try harder myself. Will try to set a goal so I have a friend to spend some time with by my next birthday.

This thread makes for very sad reading and I really feel for anyone who doesn't enjoy close friendships. A few things do stand out to me, though;

A lot of you seem to have partners - this suggests that at some point, at least, you have been able to meet new people and have been able to develop and maintain a relationship? You're very lucky to have found someone that you click with romantically - some people never find that, and that's a great cause of sadness for them.

However, since you could argue that developing and maintaining a successful intimate relationship is much more difficult than a friendship, playing devil's advocate, can you honestly say that you've focused as much on friendships as you did on your relationships with your partners?Friendships take work too, and if you're always "too busy with my partner and kids" to invest much in a friendship, then you can hardly expect the benefits on demand when you want them.

I'm very lucky and have encountered many people in my life who've wanted to be my friend, but only one who wanted to be my partner. It's odd that so many of you have found the latter but never the former, iyswim?

Secondly, the bitterness about other people's friendships or Facebook updates, or other mums at the school gates is, whilst understandable to a degree I guess, very unattractive. I can appreciate that it's maybe a defence mechanism for some, but that kind of attitude is not likely to endear you to many people.

I agree with this:

Lots of the people indulging in all the popularity/attention seeking type stuff on fb that is mentioned so often as all swept up in their own importance and are actually crave attention like oxygen. They need to make their lives look bright and shiny and perfect and to project it onto everyone else to feel validated.

So true, the most prolific FBers broadcasting their exciting lives, are mostly somehow in crisis!

Also agree with this:

You just haven't met the right people yet. We get swept along in thinking that we should want to be friends with the very 'popular' people just because over one else seems to be, but the 'popular' people are often quite shallow and have nothing more to offer than their own hype.

Another lonely only here. I do have one friend.... I make friends easily it is just keeping them that is a problem, I've always moved jobs or locations or gone to uni, etc.
I always like people more than they like me :( maybe I'm too ott.

I think some people are quiet not because they are shy or disinterested (well some may be) but because they are just very lonely due to so many knock backs from people. It can be their way of coping and dealing with things.

^^ yes exactly me
Also I think I'm nervous in social situations so my face probably says 'don't approach me!!' People have remarked how friendly I am when they get talking to me
I do think what's helped is forcing myself to volunteer at clubs/pta etc I think (hope) I'm less invisible for that reason.

Also agree with this, great, other people speak my mind

Secondly, the bitterness about other people's friendships or Facebook updates, or other mums at the school gates is, whilst understandable to a degree I guess, very unattractive. I can appreciate that it's maybe a defence mechanism for some, but that kind of attitude is not likely to endear you to many people.

Most people are not great friends anyway it is just a pretence

I think that's a really sad attitude to have. I have some incredible friends that have supported me through very hard times when it would have been very easy for them to bail.

If you don't want friends then cool that's your choice but don't presume most friends are fake.

Aw gofish123 I want to give you a hug. It is reassuring I'm not the only one. I'm lonely as f today, watching 8 out of 10 cats repeats!
I am looking for a job too which is a very disheartening process but a lovely lady on here has helped me with my cv & I have renewed hope about finding something and that being an outlet of loneliness too.
You are very right elvis 86 about bitterness at other people's friendships being unattractive.
I can't find this fb page.

can someone send me the link to the FB group please?

Sorry to keep adding to this but just to say the friendships I have made over the years (since marriage) although may not still be going for various reasons have been through sport - going to a bootcamp & arranging to carry on with a couple of the girls when it's finished. Moaning about not being able to run & agreeing cycling would be better then arranging to do it together etc etc then going for a drink after/celebrating goals/birthdays and so on from there. Hope that helps someone- doimg something active & having a shared goal rather than standing around at a baby grou if that's not your thing

I'm in this boat. Happened gradually and mostly it doesn't bother me as I'm quite a loner by nature and have a lovely DH. But special occasions feel awkward and as I get older I think I can't carry on like this!

I've had several 'best' friends at different times. One betrayed me badly. One turned into a total bitch. One changed unrecognisably and one became really close to a third friend and basically just didn't have time for me anymore. This has happened a few times - 3 friends, they increasingly adore each other and I'm the spare part.

I KNOW what goes wrong but not how to fix it. I have no ability to turn acquaintances into friends. I see it happen and watch in amazement.

I also let friends choose me. I'm a good listener and loud charismatic quite self centred people love me.

It has also taken me until my mid-thirties to find who I am. Before I had too many other issues and was trying to be too many things to too many other people. I look back on my 20s and realise I had 2 friends who I actually had anything in common with. Most of them I just got drunk with and was part of their entourage.

Now I know who I am, potential friends never seem to turn up, really.

I have no friends only people I would chat to if I bump into them.I prefer this ,I really dont want more than that.Well able to entertain myself !

Wah :(. I suddenly felt particularly shit as I have just realised no one has called me for years (apart from family), no one nominated me for the ice bucket challenge OR the no make up selfie.

However thinking about it logically, a stranger looking at my FB would think I was terrifically outgoing and popular simply because I get a lot of "response" to my FB posts. All this means is that I seem to have a bit of a way with words and that I spend a lot of time on FB. And only on looking closely (which no one on FB does unless they are stalking you) would they realise that none of these photos include nights out with friends and pouty selfies with other women and so on.

So really you have no idea at all about the reality of these FB people's lives. Actually FB should market itself, like Valentine's Day, as "Something to make the lonely feel even more lonely."

I am also infertile, so there will be no baby/toddler groups for me. However, to be honest, you lot aren't really selling them

Very errant! Sorry

I'm fine really. I have a great life in many ways. However things strike you in a kind of abstract way sometimes and you think "Gosh, how did I let that happen?" and by then it's too late.

One thing I have done is join a mixed choir. This is absolutely great for making friends. I'm now in the naughty corner in the altos' section and we have a great giggle.

Don't waste too much time on here OP.

Friends in the real world are more important.

Some people are choosier than others, and we all make friends in a different way. Some people are more reclusive than others. But I still think we all need help and friendship and social interaction...

Note to self.

And I can completely recommend the Wavers. They are a lovely supportive group of women.

I think people have generally stopped using the phone since emailing and FB. Certainly when I go to my parents', my mother is perpetually gassing to one of her cronies on the phone, while this seems to have died out for the FB/text generation.

I have dh and a couple of good friends I have known since school.
I go to a couple of groups where I have always thought that I got on well with the others and that we have interests in common and then I find that there have been extra get togethers and I have not been included.

Can bloody hurt at times

Can I join? I could have written most of your post Woozle
I'm also a natural loner and introvert and have a fab Dh who I consider to be my best friend. My favourite thing to do is spend days with my Dh and our two dds.
I do have a few nice friends that I met through Dh (they are his friends from childhood and their partners) but I don't feel 'close' to them really. I have/had one friend from school but she absolutely isn't a true friend; very flaky and selfish and does the usual thing of cancelling most of our arrangements. This has finally made me let the friendship slide, which wasn't hard and I don't think she's really noticed!
Sometimes I think I should make more of an effort to socialise and meet new people but I find it really hard not to be the awkward one standing on the edge of the group like a lemon! I'm not disinterested, just rubbish at making small talk!

Does anyone else feel that the highest currency these days is your social standing? In my experience, people approach you as a potential friend if you appear to have a high social standing (i.e. good job, high status partner, live in a good area etc.) It's not my view (I have friends across all income brackets and social groups) but I've seen it with others. Was this always the case just more so now? I'm not sure.

I have never felt that, to be honest though it could just be where I live. No one here cares about social standing or cars or houses. However I do feel that people are naturally drawn to those they perceive as having lots of friends already. It's as though they don't want to befriend someone they see as lonely, in case they get pinned down somehow, or they feel the person is too "needy". It's as though they don't trust someone they see on their own a lot as being someone worthy to make friends with.

All bollocks of course.

not sure it is bollocks....

when I got friendly with a nice lady at school, I soon found out she had no other friends and she wanted to meet up with me every week or more, do things at the weekend etc, when I have other friends that I have known for years I also wanted to see, and I did not like being "claimed" like that.

It was too much, too soon, and it made me back off.

I think being "needy" is a put-off