To have just realised that I have no friends

[DDDDDORA]

Four times this week I made plans (2 of them with the same person) and on all 4 occasions I have text to confirm plans to be told that they now have other plans and can we do it another time. People only chat to me when other people aren't around as soon as someone better comes along they walk away/ turn back on me.
I can't remember the last time I was invited along to anything and I always arrange things but 90% of the time people cancel or forget.
AIBU to think I must be a pretty boring person and WIBU to just give up on people altogether?

I feel the same way. I have one close friend that I do things with and that's because she always has time as she doesn't have any children (neither do I). All my other friends (using the term loosely) have children so of course they are busy doing things with other people who have children. It's hard sometimes and I do think facebook has a lot to do with it, so I can understand the feelings expressed here. It's hard not to think you are utterly boring to them. I go out a lot - theatre, ballet etc. but nobody ever 'likes' anything I do. However, somebody posts the 50th photo of their child that day and gets 100 likes. I know that's just the way it is as my life has gone a different route and they are not interested in me. If I see them I do, of course, have to listen to them talking about their children the entire time as the subject always returns to that.

I was in the same boat as many of you a few years ago.

I decided enough was enough.

I put myself out there, joined everything I could, made a real effort to chat to people at work (I am naturally shy so this is hard for me) and then I befriended them on Facebook.

I then started to invite people to things- just a coffee, or a short walk. Once I had that set up, I invited others, saying "X and I are going for a drink, do you want to join us?"

It's taken time, but now I have a circle of friends. I have just been on holiday with 5 of them. I do still feel a little insecure but that's my problem, not theirs.

I do think friendship takes effort - a lot of effort - and you have to be quite resilient and not mind being cancelled on. Just be friendly and open and if you build it they will come.

Another lonely only here!
My adult dc and dh are my only friends. I work alone so don't meet anyone there either. I had friends when my dc were younger but we moved away to a small town where everyone had been to school together and I'm not a pushy person, luckily this was pre FB so it wasn't rubbed in my face. Memories of miserable playground pick ups.
I really envy people who have friends from way back, I always say when my dm dies no one will remember my childhood. God I'm depressing myself now, sorry.

Think of yourself as self-contained. Do you actually want friends? I am quite happy keeping most people at arms length. I have a few people I see socially but no one except my sister who I text/call on a regular basis.
I don't care I am happy like this.
Most people are not great friends anyway it is just a pretence

101handbags, I know what you mean. I love the theatre, art galleries, etc, but can only ever drag my somewhat unwilling husband along. If I mention that sort of thing to anyone else, I get a weird look.

I think you are going for the wrong types. Decent compassionate people ( ie the sort that would make good friends) would not be insensitive enough to ditch you. Try a lively young church or get a voluntary job. You may meet some less self centred people ! Take comfort though in the fact it's not you but it's them that are lacking character!

I think you are going for the wrong types. Decent compassionate people ( ie the sort that would make good friends) would not be insensitive enough to ditch you. Try a lively young church or get a voluntary job. You may meet some less self centred people ! Take comfort though in the fact it's not you but it's them that are lacking character!

Daft question - and this is about the Closed Group - an your other FB friends see that you've posted in the group on their timeline?

there's a lot of these people about - those who never commit themselves socially to anything just in case something better comes up at the last minute and if it doesn't - then there's you to fall back on.

I think you're just unfortunate in attracting (or being attracted to) these types. Don't feel guilty about letting them go - they deserve each other.

I'd love to join but the name of the group is putting me off, its not very positive and who would want others to see that they'd posted in a no mates group!

I'd join the group (if I could find it).

This is what happend to me the other day. I'm retired, as are most people around here. Our street is under construction. I wandered down to watch the construction guys working, and was chatting to a neighbour, another retired guy. A third retiree joined us, and I was completely cut out of the conversation... the other two chatted, and paid no more attention to me than if I was a tree.

This has happened to me a million times in the last 60 years. I'm fine (I think) in 1-1 conversation, but in a group, even a group of 3, I may as well not exist.

I pretend I like it that way.

CanadianJohn, that's very rude. Has happened to me in the past too and it's the other people's bad manners, not you. It's like "ooh, someone more exciting has come along, I'll just talk to them exclusively now!".

Weeredcar, I'm not sure about the question as to whether your other friends can see you've posted in the closed FB group. I think they can possibly see you are a member of the group, but not what you actually write. I'm a FB novice so could be wrong.

I see so many threads like this, and they are all full of people saying the same thing. I just don't understand why if there are so many people like you, you don't all find one another.

Lots of the people indulging in all the popularity/attention seeking type stuff on fb that is mentioned so often as all swept up in their own importance and are actually crave attention like oxygen. They need to make their lives look bright and shiny and perfect and to project it onto everyone else to feel validated. I completely agree with what Beertricks just said.

I hope some of you who feel left behind in the popularity stakes make the effort to hook up with others on this thread and go on your MN local sites and post the same posts on there, SO THAT YOU WILL ATTRACT PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY GET YOU AND UNDERSTAND because that could change everything for you.

You just haven't met the right people yet. We get swept along in thinking that we should want to be friends with the very 'popular' people just because over one else seems to be, but the 'popular' people are often quite shallow and have nothing more to offer than their own hype.

are all swept up in their own importance, on as

Maybe some of you are like me and can't really be friends with a 'group'? It took me probably 3 or 4 years of doing school runs before I had made a smattering of good friends - none of whom really knew each other. Because I am not comfortable in large groups I gravitated towards people who were in some way outsiders - and this did not make them less likeable, on the contrary they were more interesting, to me anyway, for being a bit different.

MintyCoolMojito I love your name, it's one of my favourite drinks. Also, I struggle too as I have always been the 'giver' and it's really emotionally draining. I don't need to have lots of friends or even be in constant contact with someone. I'm generally fine with my own company. I just hate that I don't have anyone to chat to (that I'm not related or married to), or to go out with occasionally.

NC’d. I remember feeling lonely inside even as a 4 year old. I’ve always had just a couple of friends – I was a shy, self-contained child. DH is medically retired and housebound and finds it difficult getting out and about, even just a trip with him to local shops is a challenge. I work FT managing a great team in a city and, although we’re a friendly bunch at work, we rarely meet up outside work. I used to go theatre or cinema on my own as didn’t have anyone to go with. I had 2 old school friends I kept in touch with, but it was always up to me to organise any get together. I got fed up with them always turning up together an hour or so late and not even apologising for having to sit there like a lemon waiting for them! They never called or texted me unless they wanted a favour – so I finally came to my senses and gave up on them. I wonder if they’ve noticed yet …

I reached a milestone birthday and took stock and decided I had to do something about this, as I really didn’t want to continue feeling so empty. I was busy with work and family stuff but still felt lonely because I didn’t feel I had anyone I could call a close friend (apart from DH and DS). I made a list of things I always wanted to try (choir, book club, walking group) and “dared” myself to do them IYSWIM. It really wasn’t easy bloodyterrifying to turn up on my own at first, my knees really were knocking, but I have found people welcoming, and singing especially is fun and great “therapy”. I have slowly made a couple of good friends and many acquaintances. I’ve also started inviting DHs old friends round once a month for lunch/dinner to help DH feel less isolated. It’s small stuff, but the feelings of loneliness are much less than they were…

Love mojitos

Come over and join us on fb everyone, it's lovely over there :) I haven't posted my mn username on the thread either, so me and my mn are not connectable :) the fb group settings mean you fb friends can see you are part of the group, but not anything that's been posted

DontDrinkAndFacebook I don't know why we don't all find each other either! Maybe we're all overshadowed by the loud, popular people... and are too shy to approach people on their own as they are apparently confident enough to not need friends (yes, I'm probably wrong, but that's how I think).

There is one person on my local MN page, so that's not the best way for me personally to 'meet' people.

Ovary - I was being silly with the name, it made me laugh. I've offered to change it, quite happy to if people don't find it funny.

I think I belong here. I really struggle to make friends. I can do some casual chit chat but I generally spend most of my time on my own. That's not really what I want but I've had some huge brush offs from people and I'm done with trying now for a while. I don't think I'm that odd but I must be wrong. I'm going to a coffee morning tomorrow with a group of women but I am definitely the outsider there and I always feel worse when I do but it is my only social encounter this week so I really want to go. Feel bleh. Would love a friend to laugh with, who doesn't care how my house looks, how my kids behave, who doesn't judge me. I don't seem to be able to find one.

I have a few friends from university but none live locally and we only get to meet up once a year or so. I am lucky in that I have a lovely DH and 2 DC, but despite living in the area for 12 years I have no good friends locally.
I missed out on all the groups of friends most people seem to make when they have children. It was my birthday on Monday and with my family out at work/school, I spent the day on my own, feeling really sad that no-one even knew it was my birthday...I am naturally quiet and introverted, and wouldn't enjoy having a big fuss made of me but I crave having just a couple of friends who I could call to meet up with.
I have quite a few acquaintances but struggle to turn these into close friendships. The one friend I made in the last few years has moved out of the area. I do make an effort to contact people to suggest meeting for coffee etc but it doesn't tend to lead to anything deeper and it is always me making that initial effort.
I'm 45 now and I think part of the problem is that a lot of the people I meet who seem nice and on my wavelength probably have enough friends already and don't necessary need to make the effort to cultivate a new friendship.
I work 2 days a week and spent most of the rest of the time on my own, not out of choice.
I know this is not an unusual problem but feel there is a stigma attached to admitting you have no friends. I try to tell myself that things could be worse, and to keep it in perspective but it does get me down.

I have a few friends from university but none live locally and we only get to meet up once a year or so. I am lucky in that I have a lovely DH and 2 DC, but despite living in the area for 12 years I have no good friends locally.
I missed out on all the groups of friends most people seem to make when they have children. It was my birthday on Monday and with my family out at work/school, I spent the day on my own, feeling really sad that no-one even knew it was my birthday...I am naturally quiet and introverted, and wouldn't enjoy having a big fuss made of me but I crave having just a couple of friends who I could call to meet up with.
I have quite a few acquaintances but struggle to turn these into close friendships. The one friend I made in the last few years has moved out of the area. I do make an effort to contact people to suggest meeting for coffee etc but it doesn't tend to lead to anything deeper and it is always me making that initial effort.
I'm 45 now and I think part of the problem is that a lot of the people I meet who seem nice and on my wavelength probably have enough friends already and don't necessary need to make the effort to cultivate a new friendship.
I work 2 days a week and spent most of the rest of the time on my own, not out of choice.
I know this is not an unusual problem but feel there is a stigma attached to admitting you have no friends. I try to tell myself that things could be worse, and to keep it in perspective but it does get me down.

I have a few friends from university but none live locally and we only get to meet up once a year or so. I am lucky in that I have a lovely DH and 2 DC, but despite living in the area for 12 years I have no good friends locally.
I missed out on all the groups of friends most people seem to make when they have children. It was my birthday on Monday and with my family out at work/school, I spent the day on my own, feeling really sad that no-one even knew it was my birthday...I am naturally quiet and introverted, and wouldn't enjoy having a big fuss made of me but I crave having just a couple of friends who I could call to meet up with.
I have quite a few acquaintances but struggle to turn these into close friendships. The one friend I made in the last few years has moved out of the area. I do make an effort to contact people to suggest meeting for coffee etc but it doesn't tend to lead to anything deeper and it is always me making that initial effort.
I'm 45 now and I think part of the problem is that a lot of the people I meet who seem nice and on my wavelength probably have enough friends already and don't necessary need to make the effort to cultivate a new friendship.
I work 2 days a week and spent most of the rest of the time on my own, not out of choice.
I know this is not an unusual problem but feel there is a stigma attached to admitting you have no friends. I try to tell myself that things could be worse, and to keep it in perspective but it does get me down.

Me too op! I've gone through various phases of being very sad about it & trying very hard and then others of thinking I don't give a shit I'm happy without friends.
The truth is while I'd love to be a social butterfly I've realised I'm an introvert & so I'll probably never have a circle of friends. I find it stressful & exhausting being constantly sociable ?? that is, around acquaintances- my family or bezzie (currently in oz!) I feel relaxed.
Friends are an important aspect of life though and my life would be much enriched with gal pals.
The only thing is to keep trying...I was meant to be starting a Zumba class Thursday night with a playground 'friend ' but she's just cancelled because the other mum she wanted to come couldn't make it ??