To have just realised that I have no friends

[DDDDDORA]

Four times this week I made plans (2 of them with the same person) and on all 4 occasions I have text to confirm plans to be told that they now have other plans and can we do it another time. People only chat to me when other people aren't around as soon as someone better comes along they walk away/ turn back on me.
I can't remember the last time I was invited along to anything and I always arrange things but 90% of the time people cancel or forget.
AIBU to think I must be a pretty boring person and WIBU to just give up on people altogether?

I am exactly the same, I've just had another baby and I haven't had a congratulations from any of my old friends, not even from the people I met at baby groups with my first said congratulations (makes me even sadder as I thought I'd finally found some people to be close with)

I am very chatty and know lots of people. I seem confident and quieter people probably think that I have lots of friends.

However, I only have a couple of true friends that I really trust.

I agree with whoever said that FB paints a false picture. I sometimes see those pics of people in a bar with their mates and they were slagging each other off to me the day before.

These are so sad. I feel like I've collected people over the years - school, uni, work, baby groups, dcs school, courses, book groups, colleagues of dp etc.

I will chat to anyone. If I don't get a lot back, I leave it though. I often wonder if quiet people are shy or just disinterested in making friends. It can be hard to tell.

I think some people are quiet not because they are shy or disinterested (well some may be) but because they are just very lonely due to so many knock backs from people. It can be their way of coping and dealing with things.

Me too :(
No ice bucket for me but I suspect people think I'm a bit highbrow for it.
In some ways I don't really care that much because I have a few friends I can talk to plus DM and DH. But I do socialise and see people and be up and cheery and get involved in things.
When it hurts is when the dc want to see friends in the holidays. We make firm plans which get cancelled on on the day or night before. Dd is an Aspie and doesn't cope well. I'm fed up of cheerily making out that we are ok when often I feel that I'm falling apart. And still have to come up with a last minute plan for the day. :(

Ll12 I'm sure you're right, but I never know how to get past that stage without seeming pushy or intrusive. So I leave it and sometimes wonder later what I could have said.

Oh and 1 person sought us out to meet up for the whole holidays. That felt crap too.

Francisdrake - your post makes total sense.
This is a really sad thread. I can't imagine having no friends ( although not everyone wants/needs them) But you do have to work at keeping friendships going, it's not always just going to 'happen' especially with 'newer ' friends made in adulthood.
I joined a sports club a few years back, not because I wanted to make friends , I did it for the sport. However over the years I have made lots of friends and acquaintances in the club, however this is over a period of 6 years, it didn't happen immediately. It does take time to get to know people and to discover what you may have in common. A hobby in common helps.

Other ways to make friends have been yoga classes and dog walking.
I might add I live in a city, when I lived in rural England I didn't get on with anyone I met and made no friends in 2 years, despite wanting to.

I am so tempted to set up a Billy no mates Facebook group. Shall I ? We can all join...

2 of the 3 good friends that I now have were as a result of something we had in common. We were all ignored by other parents in our children's school. They are wonderful people and good friends, but looking back it does seem a very sad situation to find a friend.

Nerf, i'll join

I have a few friends but i tend to be that person that people seem to remember when theyre in a crisis and then after disappear for a while.im that girl whos there for other people but realises when i need someone i cant think of one of them thatd do the same back.i know im a good friend to people but theres only perhaps three people that id say will always be there in my life and my ds life.

Please can I join too, nerf

Same here. Never been able to make friends either. The people I know see me as a last resort if let down by somebody/everyone else

I sometimes think i have loads of friends, and then Something bad happens and i need to talk, and i suddenly realise the only person id share things like that with is my husband, or a couple of friends i met online.
haunted no-one wanted to meet up with us in the holidays :(
I had a minor falling out with one mum in what i thought was a close group of friends at his school, turns out apparently none of them actually liked me, and they all stopped speaking to me.
I feel sorry for DS, but fortunately he's a chatty soul, and doesnt seem to let anything bother him (unlike his rubbish mother)
It's a shame we don't all know who we all are, but i guess we'd still all have trouble talking irl :-/

I do have a few friends I can rely on, mainly friends I have had since my teens, but I can also relate to the feelings of being left out and dropped for other things. M wrk colleauges all meet in little cliques for lunch yet not once in ten years have I been invited. i try to be a good friend but still feel frequently let down.

I think I need someone to add - might have to have someone to give me a name to find first!

How are we all going to find this group?
And what on earth happens if someone recognises someone else?! Is that going to be a good or a bad thing?!

Yeah I know! Problems in the execution!

I could have written your post op.

I am nearly 50 and have come to the conclusion that my friendlessness must be my fault. I just feel like people don't like me. Never had many friends at school or university.

I have a fulfilling and enjoyable job and colleagues who I get on with OK. I belong to a choir which I enjoy and have two friends ( who I used to work with) who I meet up with every so often- but don't really have a close best friend. I never get invited anywhere.

I have FB "friends" who all seem to have thousands of comments on all their posts. It makes me quite sad to see all the stuff they get up to and the nights out.

When my DD was born I did make a few good friends. One in particular I used to see every week.

For some reason she just stopped contacting me and then I found out she had moved and hadn't even told me her new address. The last time I saw her, about 5 years ago) she was telling everyone what a true friend I was and how I had stood by her during a really tough time in her life. Then she just cut contact - didn't reply to my texts- ignored me. To this day I am not sure what heinous crime I had committed.

I think I am at a point in my life where I think I just can't be bothered with the disappointment any more. I don't bother making friends as it's too painful being let down.

And to the poster who wonders who would turn up for their funeral- apart from family I don't think I would have anyone.

Glad to know I am not the only Billy-no-mates out there!

I feel like this all the time, despite seeing a few close friends when we're not all busy. I have lots of casual acquaintances but very few real "friends." I find it hard to let people get too close to me.

It's hard when you have children, I think. You want to be friends with the parents of the kids they play with. I've tried this before, but sometimes, all you end up really having in common is your child.

If you think about it, it's awkward to befriend someone who's boyfriend forgot to pull out the same month you stopped taking the pill.

If I was in the UK, I'd totally come to your hen dos. I love 'em

Nerf, I'll join. I don't care if people know my real name. I have no friends to be outed to!

Ok someone pm me their real name. It'll be a bit of fun - we can chat and if we recognise each other so what? People are allowed to want to chat to each other. I'm in groups for different things, have friends but they are all over the place - I'm always happy to catch up with people's news!

I have acquaintances and friends of dh but I don't realy have anyone I would class as my friend that I see regularly and can chat with about stuff. I am just not good at making the change from acquaintance to actual close friend. I sometimes feel like there is this while set of rules and conventions for being friends that I just don't know about so I get it all wrong.

It doesn't help that I am really bad in group situations so toddler groups, parties, social club things are all really stressful for me as I just don't know what to do with myself.

I used to get really upset about it but then I realised that worth is not defined by the number of friends you have. Some people are really great at having friends and some just aren't. I'm just not good at it, so I don't really try that much any more.

Facebook only shows people's good bits!

When I was younger and moved I knew nobody and it was so isolating.

Turn this thread in a 'get to know you thread' - cheesy I know but friendships have to start somewhere! I've found as I've got older I have to work harder at maintaining friendships.

Moving around a lot while I was little never really encouraged me to make friends so it was a relatively new thing to do.

"And to the poster who wonders who would turn up for their funeral- apart from family I don't think I would have anyone."

Well, since (as I said upthread) the only guests at my wedding were my mother and my MIL (now deceased) there definitely won't be anyone but family at my funeral and there is probably only going to be one member of my family i.e. my daughter, although I hope that she will have a family of her own by then.