To have just realised that I have no friends

[DDDDDORA]

Four times this week I made plans (2 of them with the same person) and on all 4 occasions I have text to confirm plans to be told that they now have other plans and can we do it another time. People only chat to me when other people aren't around as soon as someone better comes along they walk away/ turn back on me.
I can't remember the last time I was invited along to anything and I always arrange things but 90% of the time people cancel or forget.
AIBU to think I must be a pretty boring person and WIBU to just give up on people altogether?

Pm'ed you nerf, hoping there is someone near me to have a cuppa with!! :)

Another loner here :) I dont really care anymore life is too short so I spend time doing the things I enjoy even if it means doing it alone. Im lucky that I am close to my mum and sil, dh is my best friend but he works away a lot so I just have yo get on with it. I think im a decent person but I do feel a lot of people, mainly females tbh dont like me.

I've always been seriously shy but have learnt to cover it and pretend to be confident. Ive accepted the fact ill probably always be the same and as long as I have animals in my life ill ve fine. God I sound a complete loser lol

I have a few friends but none of them live near me and I don't see them in real life very often. I don't have children, and I don't have a partner. I just have my immediate family close by. That's pretty pathetic isn't .

I'm good at getting along with people BUT I'm SHIT at nurturing those friendships. It's something I'm going to make a real, concerted effort at doing from now on. In the past I've allowed myself to get too busy and disorganised and to focus only on work and whatever BF I had on the go.

I also never ring people for a chat - do you? It just feels really intrusive!

Marriage, IME, can kill friendships unless you really work at them; you get too busy to keep up with everyone, or you're simply not lonely enough to reach out to other people.

I don't want to make new friends now, I want to keep the nice old friends I still have!

But BTW, I never get invited to anything. And that sucks. :(

I'll have a look for the group tomorrow - thanks for starting it

Ok seven of us have managed to find each other! Off to work will check FB tonight. Have a good day everyone

Gosh, I could've written this. I realised I don't have any really close friends when I wrote out all of my mobile contacts as a backup when sorting out a new handset. Not only was my list really really small, I had contacts whom I didn't even know who they are now or I hadn't seen in years.

I too am definitely that person who has a lot of acquaintances but no one I could really call on as a close friend, bar my own DH. I am always on the perimeter of any group and rarely get invited anywhere by anyone.

I joined a running club and although I struggle to go there now due having a baby still bf, I have always been the person there who is friendly enough with everyone but still haven't really 'clicked' with any good mates in a close way.

I am quite a shy person and have to really try hard not to 'freeze' in social situations so I guess it must come across as being disinterested.

Like other posters, I didn't really have anyone to invite to my hen do (or organise one for me) without it being really awkward so I just didn't have one. If I wanted to go out and do something now, I can't think of anyone I could call up to go with me without it being weird and stalker-ish on my part.

This is actually making me quite upset now (damn hormones!) so I guess I need to get it together and just try even harder to 'get out there'.

Assertiveness training is useful if you're on the receiving end of cancellations all the time.

Practice smiling and talk to everyone, yes, everyone!

You do need to get yourselves out there, your kids are learning how to interact socially and you need to be a good role model and have a satisfying social life tos how them how it's done.

I bet your mums never had anyone over for coffee, so you don't know how it's done?

Try inviting mums in for tea when they're picking up their kids from play dates.
Choose a few things to talk about if spontaneous conversation isn't your thing and keep topping up the tea and cakes. Ask questions, and listen to them.

Give yourself permission to have lots of lovely friends.

You may be unconsciously obeying some long forgotten and out of date belief or instruction- "Don't talk to strangers" or something like that, which is not relevant now! Think about that, and release those instructions.

Have fun!

I have one true friend, and that is my husband. I thought I was friends with one of my work colleagues but she hasn't bothered with me since I left.

We have just got a puppy to keep me company run me ragged as DH is away 6 months out of 12 on average.

This thread has inspired me. I think even in the best of circumstances life often gets in the way. I've just sent texts to people I haven't seen for a long time (socially anyway) with some suggestions about meeting up for tea. Sorry to read so many people feel so lonely - it has encourgaed me to nurture the friendships I do have.

I think venusrising makes some good points - my mum was never the "come in for a brew" kind - her and my dad actively kept themselves to themselves (they'd meet people on holiday, strike up a friendship and then give the wrong address out!). But these come round for coffee things can be such a good and easy way "in". I remember some years back when my children were smaller, my wages were lower and my childcare costs higher I had to turn down pretty much every invitation which involved expense.

Also agree with the posteres who have said not to feel inferior to the "FB lives". I have a friend who constantly posts about his wonderful life etc (out again with the gang! Cocktail hour woooo! Life is good!!!!!) - I'm friends with his wife and she told me he is near a breakdown because of the pressure of his job and has been physically sick before going to work. I just couldn't put the two images together - people are very good at showing what they want you to see.

Sometimes it is where you are located.

Last city we lived in - I had two sets of close friends all met through toddler groups and the like - it took time and first few groups I attended were disheartening but I got there. People came over for coffee, we went out without DC in evenings - it was great I was definitely part of a group.

Next place - I did loads of toddler groups, evening classes, small hobby classes - I'm approachable in playground had people over for coffee and play dates though that never gone on for more than a few times with any one person- chatting at birthday parties loads of acquaintances who don't always say hello when you see them in other places.

Loads and loads of effort - yet no proper friends.

Two unpleasant results - one via netmums local meets most people declined when heard our neighbour one almost/pretty much tirned stalker - another met at school playground few play dates and huge pressure trying to force our 5/6 year old into a sleepover she didn't want - that got very weird.

Admittedly I'n not good at keeping in touch once moving way from people - usually by 3 years we are out of touch while DH usually 10 years or longer with childhood friends - he does make huge efforts though which aren't always reciprocated.

I feel huge guilt that I haven't managed to break into local cliques groups especially for oldest DD. Her friends parents arrange thing with her other friends but won't with us. DD even last year wrote directly to friends inviting the over for tea and stuff - no replies and when both DC approach the other adults they were rude.

We are moving - I'll pick myself up and make a huge effort again and encourage DC to do the same.

It would be easy to blame myself - was bullied badly at primary and secondary and school and home line was it was me. If I look back over my life I have made good friends - must do better at keeping in touch long distance though that's not just me. Plus with DC time is scarce so making time for others does have to be thought and planned bit more.

I don't think your usual OP - keep trying obviously joining new groups is a good way - but don't assume it you.

I have a handful of good friends, mostly the same age as me with a couple of older ladies too.

I have 12 ladies and have regular contact with all of them. We are spread our across the world but I have my 3 best mates from school, my mate from uni, 3 girls from my first job, a girl I used to live with and 4 girls here who I have met since we moved here and I enjoy going out with, chewing the fat, drinking tea, wine with etc.

I don't understand folk with 4 million "friends" on FB I am only friends with people who I am actually friends with or related to (the ones I like). In RL I am also only friends with girls that I like and can relate to. I don't have time for fakery and these weird false women who still act like they're at school - met a fair few of those who are old enough to know better.

I have been ruthless over the years with people who take the piss, are weird, had a real moaning Minny friend once who complained about everything, her weight, no boyfriend, colleagues, so draining to be around her. Also had a couple of stalker girls too (shudder)

You have to be harsh and cut the wheat from the chaff. Get rid of these "friends" who are ditching you or forgetting to meet up. You need to respect yourself.

Real friends are folk that you can pick up with where you left off and who make you feel happy when you're with them.

My SIL said after our wedding, oh you only had 1 bridesmaid but I suppose if you had asked all your friends to be bridesmaids you wouldn't have had any guests. I was like what a fucking cheek. Implying that I am a norma nae mates. It seemed churlish to say well I wasn't about to have 12 bridesmaids!

Thing is though I can and have done assertive in my friendships but that tends to be at the point when I'm happy to walk away if it goes badly.

I do all the stuff suggested about chatting and invites and it seems to go well.
My issue really is the flaky parents of my dd's friends and the last minute cancellations on daytime with dc stuff. And then your hands are tied. I can't cut them out and leave Dd with no invites because her mother's a stroppy cow.

I'm not an only child but am not brilliant at making friends. I have one school friend and a couple of uni friends I see maybe once a year, if that (they're all far away). I don't see people as much since we moved out of London five years ago. I'm glad my wedding was then and not now.

I haven't done brilliantly at mum friends. To this day, my mum's closest friends are women she met through the National Housewives' Register when my sister and I were little.

I meet up with two different mums from toddler group sometimes, but only saw one of them once during the school hols. I also sometimes meet a few mums from sling meet in the evening but we never see each other in the day.

In some ways I quite like my own company and don't get so lonely now I can have a proper conversation with my son. But sometimes it can get me down, particularly when I see people going off for lunch after toddler group or socialising in the park.

Actually that message missed out probably my closest friend who is my ex flat mate and comes to stay every few months.

Am interested in the FB group too.

FB group is up now - several members - hello
Either pm an email address or search it on FB.

just sent my request :)
great idea!

Nerf, I don't mean to be a pain but I don't seem to have an invite and I can't find it.. Where on my fb would the invite be? (iPhone app)

Pink I did reply this morning, I'm not singling you out....
Pm me an email and I'll invite you. You may need to check junk mail.

Id like to join the group but I dont want it to flash up anywhere on my news feed, can it be seen by others do you know?!

I think it shows on your time line but not on your feed? But I might be wrong. Only members can see posts I think - it's a closed group if you want to google it?

Wow I never thought I'd get so many responses and for someone to set up a fb group for us Jilly no mates (thanks Nerf) I have already been accepted into the group (thanks again).
So I thought I'd do a little update, I originally posted back in June after posting I deactivated by fb account for a few weeks and stopped trying, I still say hello and have the odd conversation but no longer try to organise anything.

When I first stopped trying I had no contact from anyone until the end of August when I was asked out for a birthday meal, I went along and tried to chat and be involved I thought the evening went well until the next morning when fb was full of photos from the pub and club most of the others went to after, nobody had mentioned to me that was what they were doing so I was hurt by that. I have been invited out again in a couple of weeks but I'm not going I'm fed up of putting myself out there to be shot down in flames.
The responses on here have been very helpful and reassuring that I'm not alone with feeling this way.
Thanks everyone this thread has really cheered me up after a rubbish weekend and for my hen do (almost 10 years ago) it was just me, my mum, sister, 2 aunts and 1 friend so I guess I've always been a Jilly no mates

I couldn't find the group a couple of days ago but having just looked for it now, I've found it so everyone who couldn't find it when it was first set up try again :)

Can I ask a question about the group? I know its a closed group but will it show on my newsfeed that I've joined?

Venus
Try inviting mums in for tea when they're picking up their kids from play dates.
Choose a few things to talk about if spontaneous conversation isn't your thing and keep topping up the tea and cakes. Ask questions, and listen to them.

Give yourself permission to have lots of lovely friends.

That sounds bloody terrifying!!!