To take breastfed DD with me to training?

[whynowblowwind]

I got a job the other day :) but I have to do a course on safeguarding. This lasts about 3 hours from approximately 9-12.

DD is 2 months; she is exclusively breastfed at the moment. I am wondering what to do about this course and wondered if I could just take her with me? It's quite am informal course they said and there will only be about 5 or 6 of us in total.

Alternatively I could ask a friend to have her but she won't take a bottle at the moment and still feeds very frequently.

What's best?

Those people who are saying op will not be good at her job and an old lady will be left hungry and wetting herself ate very unreasonable, how on earth can you make such assumptions from the posts op has written.

FWIW I think planning to take on work with such a small baby and an unsupportive partner shows considerable determination and drive; I'm sure you'll be able to make it work if it's what you want to do.

I did 12 3-hour training sessions as a Breastfeeding Network helper, and more than a couple of women in the group brought their babies in; we managed to concentrate fine!

That was sort of along the lines I was thinking chat, like your little girl dd is happy in a sling, to be fair she's a pretty quiet baby as long as she is fed which she has in common with me!

But, before people come back to tell me this isn't the point I won't be going so please don't come back at me with the critical comments as I am finding them difficult to stomach and that may well make me over sensitive and ridiculous but I am.

Sorry OP but you are coming across like a child.

You are an adult who can do what you want with your life. Strangers on the net cannot dictate that to you but you asked for opinion and you are over sensitive and controlling on how that is delivered - I have been deliberately clear and polite.

Only you know what you can fit into your life but if you are tearful and stressed over this thread I would not recommend embarking on a role in caring whilst also getting to grips with being mum to a young baby and I say that kindly.

Penguin, thanks, I'm not the most resilient though so I think I will have to leave it

There's a backstory here and isn't there always but I'm not going down the drip feeding route so it was literally - WIBU to take dd to course but I don't think I could ask, now.

Weather you have been many things to me on this thread but kind - no.

Right, stop being so negative. You never get straight yes or no answers on mumsnet, people will always explain their views and why they feel that way. That's how a you have a conversation and challenge attitudes (worked on me a few times). If you had to bring her to both the interview and the training, however casual, I as an employer would wonder how you were going to juggle childcare longterm or if something unexpected cropped up. It would be great if you could bring her to work, but you can't look after a elderly lady and a baby at the same time. It just wouldn't work. It's not the same sitting in a comfy council chamber with the baby on your lap.

You've mentioned being a teacher and having to give that up, and I wonder if that's impacting on your anxiety about starting work again and how people are going to view you. Take peoples' advice here (I'm sure most of it is well meant, however harsh you feel it is) and go to that training focused on the job, just like you will every day when you roll up to your client's house.

OP if you do decide to give it a go, organise that training as soon as you possibly can. Both my 2 woke up about 4m and needed a lot more input. A 2 month old will be a lot easier to take than 12weeks or older.

Get your friend to help, or you could try asking your HV if there are any Sure Start volunteers etc who could help you out. I do think your biggest obstacle is going to be your DH - will he "accidentally" be late home when you're due to work etc... But give it a go. Your only chance of winning him round is to try.

Get DH to do it. sod him whinging.
I know how bf works at that age and all that as I have a boob obsessed DC myself, and at that age I would have worried too. But if your DH takes her for a lovely walk I'm sure it will be fine.

Your baby is only 8 weeks old and your husband is not in the all loved up phase? Happy to help and support the amazing woman who gave birth to his child. Why is he being such a dick?

And FWIW an 8 week old would be no trouble really but you are going to have to sort something out on the times you are working and he can't "baby sit" his only child as there is football on at the pub, or a stag night to go to. .

ikeaismylocal - people are making that assumption because the OP wants to bring a baby to safeguarding training. As someone who has worked in a healthcare environment for many years, I know how important safeguarding training is. It is NOT a tick box exercise but can actually train someone to spot signs of abuse in children and vulnerable adults. It is something to, therefore, take seriously. It is not reasonable, under any circumstances, to be distracted during that training. Just because it is an informal arrangement, it doesn't mean that the training should be treated as insignificant. Please note, op, safeguarding training can save a life. You need to be there for your job. Having your child there, or popping out to feed your child is a distraction and can mean that you miss an important piece of information. If you are serious about wanting this job, then you need to be serious about ensuring that you have the necessary training to do it properly. If you can't do that, then you need to wait a bit longer before going back to work. Workplaces are not appropriate environments for babies, especially ones such as yours when you focus needs to be on the vulnerable person that you are being paid to care for. I don't think you are stupid or irresponsible, I just think that you need to think very carefully about whether this is the best thing for you, your baby and your future clients.

Wiggly, I would be annoyed because I don't think that the workplace (in general) is for children.

If risk assessments have to be done for employees, then re-done for pregnancy, then surely it would be an absolute necessity for a risk assessment to be put in place for children in the workplace? Why should an employer legislate for children in a working environment?

There are obviously some working environments or courses where it would not be a problem - the examples of after school club and breastfeeding support training would be entirely suitable for a baby obviously.

I do however think that a safeguarding course requires 100% concentration from all people on the course - OP as well as the other course members.

Whynow of course you should ask the course provider first of all, if you don't ask you don't get.
If they say no, then ask your husband - he may say yes (from what you've said probably not, but you have to ask to allow him the opportunity to step up and support you) - explain to him in straightforward terms why you want to work, and why it's important to you.
If he says no, then ask your friend - you said already that she would more than likely help, so you at least have that option.

Good luck with everything, I do think you need to address the lack of support from your husband - really be honest with him about what you want and why and hopefully things can get better on that front.

I don't think people were being mean fwiw, just some honest opinions - will probably make for easier reading in a day or two when you're not feeling so defensive (I mean that in a nice way).

Hope you manage to get the course done, and start your job with minimum troubles.

Oh my gosh zeezeek, I have already said I WON'T be doing it

Itsfab it isn't the pub or anything; he just won't actually take time off work. He won't mind when he's at home anyway if you see what I mean. But anyway none of this is relevant as I have emailed the company apologised and explained, which I am actually pretty upset about as I was looking forward to working so if no one minds I'd prefer not to keep having lectures about how I'm not taking a job I no longer have seriously.

Scarlett, thanks, sorry x post

OP, two things you've said I want to repeat to you:

"I explained I had no one to look after her and they were fine with that." - suggests to me they may very well be open to you bringing DD along. Just ask; you don't need to worry about the childcare until you know you need it. If the course organisers are fine with it, you do not need to worry about anyone else attending the course.

"And for the first time in a LONG time I actually felt pretty pleased I'd done something constructive" - well done for doing that, and hang on to that. It sounds like this is a good thing for you to do for yourself, and I hope it all goes well for you.

I took my bf DD into a meeting at work when she was a few months old - this is in a big "professional" office; noone batted an eyelid, except to politely remark how lovely she was (I informed them first I needed to bring her). I also know a very professional lawyer mum who took her baby in and breastfed during a meeting with her boss. It does happen, and not everyone frowns upon it by a long stretch.

I'd never have been able to leave any of my 3 breastfed babies for three hours at that age - I mean physically, not emotionally! I'd ask first if you can take her - she'll either be asleep or feeding surely and unlikely to be a disturbance at that age.

I took my breastfed dd on a training course that was a whole morning once a week for 7 weeks at the age of 5 months + and it was absolutely fine.

AIBU isn't a friendly or sympathetic place, OP - ignore 'em!

Wow, MN at its best. Way to go Weather

Hope you are ok OP (((hugs)))

Op you said there is a backstory you do sound really down, so you are taking things to heart too much.
Weather hasn't been nasty to you at all.
No one is even saying you should t take the job, you really should it would probably do your self esteem wonders! Just that you shouldn't take your child to this meeting. This meeting needs your full focus.

No one has said you weren't taking it seriously, were they?

Bottom line, posters on here aren't your problem. It is your husband who doesn't support you, doesn't want to support you and doesn't want to look after his own newborn.

You asked a question about whether it would be unreasonable and people answered. I RTFT and didn't really think that anyone was mean to you and genuinely didn't see that 'weather' was in particular.

You did have childcare available even if your friend would be a bit 'eye rolling' about it. You didn't want to ask her though, perhaps your anxiety about asking over-rode your anxiety about possibly seeming unprofessional to a new employer or at worst: inconveniencing other people on a course. I couldn't really understand why the latter seemed the preferable option.

I don't think anyone thinks you're crap or any of the other things that you interpreted from this thread and I mean that very kindly; you're having a hard time and feeling vulnerable but I didn't feel anyone was out of order really.

I think you cancelling it when you would have had appropriate childcare available (your friend) says that maybe other things are going on.

I'm sure you'll find something suitable in the future that doesn't cause so much stress and you'll be great at it.

Op don't let weather put you off she has a bee in her bonnet.

Call and explain the situation. I would try to delay...will the course be run again at a more convenient time, or is it available online for you to do? If that fails, ask to bring baby with you, and if possible being a friend/family member to take her out for walks.

I have tried to bring a 6 week baby to work. Not easy. Highly recommend a carrier, mobywraps work well or something like that, to keep baby close and hopefully asleep!. Also a nursing cover and make sure there's a chair at the back of the room in case any of your colleagues is offended/distracted.

Good luck x

OP, please don't be put off the job by this thread! I do think, however, that you should arrange for your friend to come and babysit. Even the best-behaved baby may cry sometimes or need at least one nappy change in a 3 hour period. You might miss a lot of the course, just from 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there.

Give expressing another go and give your friend a bottle of milk. If DD won't take I, you nip out to feed, but you might get lucky and she will. 3 hours isn't that long and she might just sleep for your friend and not need anything.