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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take breastfed DD with me to training?

211 replies

whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 17:39

I got a job the other day :) but I have to do a course on safeguarding. This lasts about 3 hours from approximately 9-12.

DD is 2 months; she is exclusively breastfed at the moment. I am wondering what to do about this course and wondered if I could just take her with me? It's quite am informal course they said and there will only be about 5 or 6 of us in total.

Alternatively I could ask a friend to have her but she won't take a bottle at the moment and still feeds very frequently.

What's best?

OP posts:
makeminea6x · 11/06/2014 19:07

whynow don't let people make you feel shit. There are always competitive parents in every area of life who will always have done everything better with no help and one hand tied behind their back while yodelling and doing the limbo.

You are who you are, your baby is who she is and you can do thus. They gave you the job knowing you have a baby, they clearly want to employ you.

whereisshe · 11/06/2014 19:11

When you say she won't take a bottle... I just wanted to share our recent experience with DD since I've returned to work as it might help.

She used to take a bottle happily although not very effectively at ~3 months then started to completely refuse - she'd just play with the teat and not drink anything.

I had to go back to work when she was 5 months so I went out one day for 3 hours while DH looked after her. She wasn't very happy about the absence of boobs but she does actually know how to take a bottle it turns out. It could be something you can try, if you're ok with expressing?

Weathergames · 11/06/2014 19:11

I am not being mean I am giving you the honest opinion from the view of some who employs volunteers in the working world (health and social care actually) you posted in AIBU and asked for opinions.

You have chosen to be a mum - why not do that for a bit and feel good and confident about yourself that way and when DD is a little older (not 18!) and less dependant get work experience then?

If my honesty is upsetting you I apologise and I wonder if you would benefit from getting some support as you seem a bit vulnerable atm - as nothing I have said it untowards.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:11

Thanks. Coffee, as I said there are some instances where I know you never ever take a baby and some are a bit more vague. This is one of the latter - it isn't city banking but a village care agency and given she was there for my interview (this consisted of dropping a form off and a 10 minute chat) then I did think this might be okay.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 11/06/2014 19:13

You asked for opinions and that's what you got, no one has been rude or out of line. If posting results in you getting upset by answers you don't like and won't take on board, why post?

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:13

I'm not great with expressing, although I would try, I don't seem to get much out though.

But DH wouldn't look after her anyway, he'd be at work and he wouldn't take the time off. So if I'm going to drag my friend down I might as well nip out if I need to in order to breast feed.

Weather - thanks for apology, I did indeed ask for opinions on whether I could take dd with me, a simple "no, not really appropriate" would have been fine :)

OP posts:
magpiegin · 11/06/2014 19:13

I don't think Weather has been harsh, you asked for opinions and that's what you have been given. I can't see any posts purposely making you feel bad. I understand what people are saying about breast feeding rights, but I don't think they have to allow you to take her in, they have to allow you reasonable breaks to go out and express or breast feed if someone is outside with the baby.

However informal, safeguarding is hugely important and everyone should be concentrating 100%, it would distract me if there was a baby in the room and I wouldn't be happy.

IsItFridayYetPlease · 11/06/2014 19:14

Safeguarding training may seem casual, but it is vital training and probably a legal requirement of being able to do your job. Safeguarding trains people to ensure vulnerable adults or children are kept safe, how to identify indicators of someone who is at risk of serious harm, how to make sure you are not put in a position of an allegation being made against you by your actions. It is casual in setting, as it can be distressing training, but that doesn't mean it is not rigorous training that needs 100% attention. Can you 100% guarantee that your DC will not disrupt the training for you and the rest of the participants? If so, yes do ask the trainer. If not, how fair is it on the other participants, yourself and your clients to be less that 100% up to speed on such a crucial issue?

ikeaismylocal · 11/06/2014 19:14

Congratulations on the job and the new baby :)

I would have taken ds to that sort of training when he was tiny as he just slept all the time. I was studying and I did take him to quite a few lessons.

I'd ask permission, leave the room if she's grizzling.

There was a EU parliament member who took her baby to work with her sometimes, I'll see if I can find a link.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:14

I repeat my last sentence chipped, I don't mind yes YABU, I do mind you are disorganised and unprofessional, as I'm not, I'm just struggling a bit here with various.

OP posts:
magpiegin · 11/06/2014 19:15

Oops. Crossed post!

IsItFridayYetPlease · 11/06/2014 19:15

Whoops ... can you tell I've been working with data all day with three 100% in my last post!

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:15

Come to think of it when I was teaching one of the teachers on maternity leave came to safeguarding training with her new baby.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 11/06/2014 19:17

We can't say on behalf of the training people if it's possible/appropriate. Only they can - ask them and hopefully they will say yes.

Weathergames · 11/06/2014 19:17

I said it would LOOK disorganised and unprofessional - not YOU ARE.

You seem very down on yourself Confused

MollyHooper · 11/06/2014 19:19

I think some of you need to back the fuck off.

The OP has a 2 month old baby and a husband who is unsupportive. This can't be solved by just leaving her daughter with him. It's really easy to type these things but the reality is very different.

You should just ring them up and ask, whynow. They could be totally fine with it. Both my boys were quite easy at that age and mostly napped.

PurplePidjin · 11/06/2014 19:19

there's a picture all over the internet of a member of the EU parliament (I think, possibly and Italian lady!) with her baby in a wrap sling while she works. I can't remember anything more specific but hopefully someone else can and will post a link.

If it's appropriate for her, why is it not appropriate for whynow not to even ask?!

ikeaismylocal · 11/06/2014 19:20

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10462755/The-Italian-MEP-whos-a-poster-girl-for-working-mothers-everywhere.html

If a baby is welcome in the EU parliament I think a baby should be welcome in other workplaces.

It's a baby, not an entire circus, the baby will probably sleep most of the time!

defineme · 11/06/2014 19:20

I think for the specific case you've described it's worth asking. If they say no then you must ask dh before friends because it
I really admire you for getting yourself together to do stuff with such a little one.
I am sorry your dh is so unsupportive- that really doesn't bode well. I assume he will be caring for her whilst you work-will he do that? Do you want to talk about your relationship?

Only1scoop · 11/06/2014 19:22

Yabu....

It's unprofessional even if it is in a casual setting it's not a creche.

Sounds like you need your Dh to become a df.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:22

Ok weather - but come on, it was in the middle of a rant-yish post :) You don't think it's a good idea to take dd, I understand this but you have been very - forceful in expressing (no pun intended) this viewpoint.

I definitely don't mind 'no, leave her with your friend' as that's why I've posted, it's more the posts implying I'd be a crap care assistant/crap mum (possibly some truth in the latter!) that have made me Sad

At any rate I'll ask my friend to help out and for whoever asked the eye roll will be aimed at DH and not myself. Friends seem to have the opinion I should leave him, I cannot think why Wink

OP posts:
kali110 · 11/06/2014 19:22

I don't think weather is being nasty or rude to you. I do agree with weather. I think it would be unproffessional and could be distracting to others.

OddFodd · 11/06/2014 19:22

I would definitely ask first! But in a 'it would be great if I could' way. Hopefully they'll agree

MollyHooper · 11/06/2014 19:23

You won't look unprofessional btw, people can be very understanding. :)

You will just be asking.

PurplePidjin · 11/06/2014 19:23

Thanks ikea :)

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