To take breastfed DD with me to training?

[whynowblowwind]

I got a job the other day :) but I have to do a course on safeguarding. This lasts about 3 hours from approximately 9-12.

DD is 2 months; she is exclusively breastfed at the moment. I am wondering what to do about this course and wondered if I could just take her with me? It's quite am informal course they said and there will only be about 5 or 6 of us in total.

Alternatively I could ask a friend to have her but she won't take a bottle at the moment and still feeds very frequently.

What's best?

[MummyLuce]

I'd defo take the baby! She's only 2 months, I wouldn't leave my 10 week old baby for that long with anyone. I took my 13 month old to uni with me last year for a one off session, it was fine. My DP works long hours in the City, he could never just drop everything to watch our baby for a few hours in the middle of the day!

[Funnyfoot]

Hi OP.

I am sorry you have declined to go on the training course I do really think it would have been worth asking then if you could bring along your baby.
You don't sound in a great place at the moment and it feels like this job was a big achievement for you.

In regards to peoples responses you must be aware that you are asking lots and lots of different people for their opinions.
Some will keep it short.
Some will elaborate.
Some will be fluffy.
Some will not.
I get the feeling criticism even if it is constructive would be hard for you to handle right now.

Weather I found your responses to the point but in no way rude/abusive or unnecessary. Most of your later responses were you defending yourself. In fact I don't think anybody's responses have been rude OP, you have had quite a mixed bag of YABU and YANBU.

Nobody was saying you shouldn't do the job just that arranging childcare for the course would be better than risking them saying no and you being stuck. Also having read the thread nobody has called you a shit mother maybe that stems from how your feeling at the moment?

I hope you reconsider as I think the short hours you will be working would be a great benefit to you and it will do your DH no harm to take some parental responsibility.

Good look OP.

[BookFairy]

Oh why I hope that you are ok. It's sounds like you are struggling atm with an unhelpful 'D' H and this job would have been the start of a new journey for you.

Are you sure that it is too late for the training or the job? FWIW I've done Safeguarding training lots of times for different jobs. They always give out the pack of information so I personally would not have been distracted by a baby/leaving the room.

[zeezeek]

whynowblowwind - from your responses to me and to everyone else who has pointed out that your are being unreasonable, I really think you have made the right decision to not continue with this job.

Being a carer is a tough and often thankless task. I think, at the moment, you are not up to it - and I mean that kindly, even though you will take it as a personal insult. You need to concentrate on your LO and sorting your life out. When you have done that, then think about getting a job - when you are able to cope with the stress.

FWIW I went back to work 3 months after my DC were born, but I was returning to a job that I had been in for many years and, for various reasons, mine were formula fed so the BF issue wasn't relevant. I also had a supportive DH. If I was in your position, I probably wouldn't have gone back that quick.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you also need to grow up a lot and develop a thick skin if you want a career in care as some of the clients will be in difficulties, downright rude and obnoxious and may well need your support.

[littlejohnnydory]

The mind boggles that people think a friend who doiesn't really want to do it, who the baby doesn't know, is "appropriate childcare" - no wonder the poor OP is stressed.

[mollypup]

I don't understand why people are suggesting that the OP just 'take her along' as if that is the workplace norm! I would certainly ask, but prepare to be told no as other than a newborn being shown off I have never seen a child just lay around the office (irrespective of the nature of the job!).

[Kif]

I've done similar. 2 months bf is actually the perfect age because all they care about is boob . I used a sling - which with the size if the baby and the arrangement of the sling made the baby more or less invisible. The women clocked it - but several of the men genuinely didn't seem to have spotted her until the coffee & chat at the end. I sat at the back & basically let her sleep-feed inside the sling for the duration of the teaching.

[hamptoncourt]

OP both my DC were EBF and never ever had a bottle so I see your issue.

You seem to have accepted that you cannot take your baby to the training, but it is a shame you have completely given up on the job.

The real problem here is DH attitude. This is what actually needs addressing.

When you are ready to come back and post about whatever is going on - maybe in relationships rather than AIBU, maybe Mumsnet can actually help you.

[Weathergames]

Yes I have a bee in my bonnet - about safeguarding and that being taken seriously and professionally.

It's not a hobby

Look at recent Serious Case Reviews - you will see why I am very anal about everything being done correctly.

I cannot understand why people think I have been anything other than frank and honest.

[whynowblowwind]

Hampton, I already have, and I have been helped. Rock and hard place though as there's fuck all I can do without paid work if you'll excuse the language and I can't do that.

I've done care work before, I do know what it entails, and shockingly I was pretty good at it. Besides, I was starting small with one lady who was local to me and who I know a bit; she certainly isn't obnoxious.

But as I say I'm pretty upset and fed up with everything, including myself at the moment, and so please just leave it.

[whynowblowwind]

Look, wondering if I could take a small breastfed baby to a course does NOT mean I don't take safeguarding seriously. I'm getting so, so fed up with this.

I was a care assistant, part time, then I was a teacher for years, I DO know a little bit about safeguarding, I'm not proclaiming myself an expert but of course it's a serious matter, of course it is. My OP didn't say it wasn't.

Anyway I really, really don't know what else I can say on here, I said I wouldn't take the baby but that wasn't good enough and so I said I wouldn't take the job and that still isn't good enough?

[Funnyfoot]

OP don't cut of your nose to spite your face.
If you are basing life decisions on an internet forum then you really need to think again. Don't use the opinions of the people on here as a reason/excuse to not take the job.

You were told by some that it would be unreasonable you were told by others it would not but at no point did anyone tell you to not take the job. You have decided that for yourself. Take some responsibility for your actions.

You were always going to get a mixed reaction and you are being immature if you cannot accept that not everyone will agree with you.

If you really wanted the job then you would have contacted the trainers and asked what they think, you would not have sacked it of just because a few people said YABU.

[Weathergames]

You don't have to be good enough for anyone on here?

We are not the judge and jury? You have nothing to prove to people on MN? Screw what anyone on here thinks - we don't know you or your situation.

All teachers do not go on safe guarding training.

If I knew you in RL OP I would feel concerned about your partner seemingly not being great after just 8 weeks, you being very self depreciating, sensitive and tearful and putting a massive amount of pressure on yourself by wanting to EBF and start a volunteer role at the same time.

I hope you have RL friends OP - and if they are true friends they will not wet roll and they will mind your baby for a few hours without question when her dad won't.

[Weathergames]

Eye roll doh!

[zeezeek]

Weathergames - I quite agree and if the OP is as experienced as she says she is she will understand.

OP. Please. Stop this thread and get it deleted. You are now coming across as very immature and silly and that is not going to help your self esteem at all. It is time to quit.

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

OP I just want to give you a hug. And your partner a bloody shake.

[hamptoncourt]

OP I have read your other threads.

You have been through an awful lot in a short space of time and I think the best thing for you might be some clear thinking space, maybe some counselling?

I find baggage reclaim a brilliant site for working through issues.

You may not have overcome this particular hurdle but there is a good life out there for you and your DC. Take your time, build yourself up to it.

Good luck.

[whynowblowwind]

Lol at wet roll.

Teachers certainly do have to go on safeguarding training, though :) it's mandatory for anybody dealing with vulnerable people to my knowledge. Even the lunchtime supervisors had to attend at my last school - that was one where one of the staff was on maternity leave but she brought in her baby.

I'm sorry if I came across badly, but it is upsetting when it's implied that because of personal circumstances you can do nothing about that you don't care about vulnerable people or will not be able to commit properly to a job. That has been implied, once or twice, and I got defensive and probably did read it into some replies that DIDN'T imply it because of the ones that DID, if that makes any sense at all.

Don't worry about friend though; any eye rolling would be directed at DH and not me, although I do get some eye rolly LTB type remarks. It's a lot easier said than done, though.

[whynowblowwind]

Thanks, Hampton, I'm not sure counselling is for me - just doesn't seem to work the way it does for other people, trust me to be awkward!

I'll get there. Somehow!

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

Maybe leaving DD with him for short times ie popping down the shops or whatever. Praising how he is with her. Maybe he's unsure instead of uninterested

[Weathergames]

Believe me it is not mandatory for teachers/TAs to do safeguarding training and most of them haven't had a DBS check in the last 3 years :/

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

whynow, there's no rush to get back to work.

I went back after 6 months with both of mine, and that was to a job that I was well known and established in - I still felt a great deal of (completely self-induced) pressure going back after having a baby.

Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself if you don't have to - take the time now to regroup and get to grips with all the other things that are going on; in a few months you will be in a better place in your head and should be thinking more pragmatically, less emotionally (iyswim).

You do sound very upset at the moment, and there is obviously more to it, but on the posts you've written I would say to stop and take a breath - put things into perspective and take it from there. You definitely need to sort out the lack of support at home though, as a priority.

[Weathergames]

You have not come across badly and the hardest thing in the world to do is leave.

BUT you only get one chance at living.

[FrontForward]

OP I think you've had quite a harsh time on this thread. In some places it would be a complete and utter no no to take a baby to a course and cause consternation that you even asked. In others they would wish to support breast feeding and make adjustments to enable that.

It sounds as if you are really motivated to get this job and the job is within both your capability and resources to do. The only thorny issue is the childcare during a mandatory training course. As many have said you need to talk to the trainer and explain the issue. It's not an issue for the job, only the course.

Regarding the very negative and personal comments implying all sort of slurs...ignore. Only you know the situation. Ask the trainers or managers not MN. Don't accept those assumptions because they are based on other peoples experiences not the situation you are in.

I'd never take a baby to interview. You did and weren't told not to so I suspect they will be more tolerant especially if you make it clear that you will remove yourself should she wake and distract you or others.

I had one baby who I could have fed during a course, settled to sleep during the feed and concentrated on the course throughout.

[whynowblowwind]

Well, certainly I've had to do safeguarding on an annual basis when I worked as a teacher. Anyway this is largely beside the point

Sharon, he doesn't mind having the children as such, it's more he wouldn't take time off work in order to do so. To be totally candid the main issue with DH is he is ridiculously controlling. He's always, if I'm honest, been inclined that way (I have known him since I was 18) but in recent years it's exacerbated to such an extent that even I can see it's ridiculous. The sad thing is that I don't think he can - I think he genuinely believes (well, sometimes at any rate) that he is reasonable and I am not. I don't even post about some of the worst stuff as I'd probably have angry Mumsnetters lynching him Generally speaking I can handle him pretty well but I think I'm just sick of having to.

Anyway ... there's my mess of a life!