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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take breastfed DD with me to training?

211 replies

whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 17:39

I got a job the other day :) but I have to do a course on safeguarding. This lasts about 3 hours from approximately 9-12.

DD is 2 months; she is exclusively breastfed at the moment. I am wondering what to do about this course and wondered if I could just take her with me? It's quite am informal course they said and there will only be about 5 or 6 of us in total.

Alternatively I could ask a friend to have her but she won't take a bottle at the moment and still feeds very frequently.

What's best?

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 11/06/2014 18:45

I would be ripping him a fucking new arsehole. He will whinge. It is his child ffs. He needs to man and and you know, help raise his child and when needed take care of child.

No you cannot take your child with you. It screams I am really disorganised, and I have no-one to look after baby. So if you still actually take me on, I will constantly ringing up, and saying, oops no childcare.

OddFodd · 11/06/2014 18:46

Your baby is only 2 months so she may well take a bottle - you can't have tried that often in such a short time. And she may take one if you're not there. Is there really no one nearer who could have her for a few hours? I'd look after a baby for a couple of hours

Chippednailvarnish · 11/06/2014 18:47

I'm not surprised your friend is "eye roly" if she's expected to pick up you and your DH's slack.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 18:47

No one I can really think of, I do know one lady but she's away for a month in Italy (so lucky!)

I'll ask my friend: she WILL, I know, I just feel bad asking Sad

OP posts:
ScarlettlovesRhett · 11/06/2014 18:49

Have you actually asked your husband?

No wonder your friend is 'eye-rolly', if you ask her to travel a over an hour to look after your child when you haven't even asked your husband.

Does your husband not want you to work? Is that why you are assuming that he will not help?

PurplePidjin · 11/06/2014 18:49

He sounds like a prat, yes, but actually it wouldn't make much sense for him to take AL to cover you doing a training course of 3 hours anyway so I vote for Shakirasma's suggestion of using the money you earn to save up for an escape option! Or at the very least build your self-confidence up to tell him he's a father now and needs to start acting like one Hmm

Ask if you can take her. Care workers tend to be pretty caring people and the receptionist may well enjoy having newborn cuddles while you're in, then you can pop out to feed when needed. If not, try a friend - if you're near me, I'll do it - or even look for a nanny agency who might have someone free for the time. My ds was ebf and refused a bottle, but would have been fine going for a walk with someone in a sling for a few hours; better if you've got one that's happy in the buggy of course :)

Weathergames · 11/06/2014 18:51

I wasn't saying you were shit Confused I was making the point that there is never any excuse to take your kids to professional events because of lack if childcare.

You repeat what you can't do not what you can do and if you are having to work for whatever reason you cannot continue to exclusively breast feed. That's the reality - otherwise you are going to make your problem everyone else's problem (on the course).

I went on a course with someone who had to keep leaving to feed her exclusively breast fed baby it was a pain in the arse as we had to wait around for her to come back.

She should've waited a year - or not exclusively breast fed as clearly both were not really possible.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 18:51

Why are some people being so rude to me?

I haven't been rude to anybody.

For the record I know there are some contexts where you just wouldn't bring a baby, at all, ever. And there are some you do. Then there are some where it's a bit grey-area and this is one. For instance I signed up to do some voluntary work and I took dd to that (I asked first) just an hour of training. She was in a mei tai and fine.

This is training, but it's informal, it's in a homely environment and there are only a few of us. Most importantly it's hours I wouldn't normally be working BECAUSE of dd. Normally I would leave it a bit longer before signing up as I know dd is very tiny still but circumstances mean I'm keen to work and get SOME relevant experience.

I know it isn't easy juggling both and I am trying my best here.

OP posts:
ScarlettlovesRhett · 11/06/2014 18:54

I agree with Weather too actually. I don't think she implied you were shit - she made good points.

Weathergames · 11/06/2014 18:55

Yes but by juggling you are actually ruining other peoples experience which I think is very selfish.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 11/06/2014 18:55

I'm with Weathergames, totally unprofessional, and. I say so as someone who has been raising a child on her own with no family whatspever around her.

I'm also concerned that you are taking a care role when you cannot leave your child under the care of other people. What will happen if DD had a bad night or gets hungry when you are on your way to work? Would you leave the elderly lady waiting while you sort your situation at home?

Yeah, she may wait is not as if she is going out, is it? but by the time you are available she may be hungry or about to wet herself (the lady not your baby). I think it is irresponsible of you to take this role when you have no childcare.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 11/06/2014 18:56

Depends what job dh has as to whether he's unreasonable tbh - maybe he can't just take time off?

I'd really try not to take the baby - they may worry that you may not be able to do the job if you can't attend training alone.

That said I took 6 month old ds to my back to work meeting - my boss was fine with it but I was already an established member of staff.

Weathergames · 11/06/2014 18:58

I manage a team of volunteers and I would not be happy if one of them went on training representing my organisation and we were paying for and took a baby.

Sorry if that's harsh.

BeCool · 11/06/2014 19:01

I wouldn't go without her at that age. But I'd let them know I was bringing her. If they objected then I would delay the course.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:01

Weather, I'm not ruining anybody's experiences. Please will you stop it? You are actually making me feel really tearful and upset. And before anybody starts I am not blaming you - I'm under stress as it is, but you are upsetting me.

MeMyselfandI, the lady in question requires two carers but in any case I'm not completely useless, I'm starting to feel it mind you!

OP posts:
SybilRamkin · 11/06/2014 19:01

I'd be delighted if someone brought a baby to a training course I was on, but that's because I'm massively broody and love babies! I think a lot of people would be very hacked off if you brought a baby, so you need to either ask your friend or hire a babysitter.

However, your DH sounds like a cock, if he treats you like this I'd strongly suggest counselling/LTB.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:02

Weather, I get it, I get it, I should not do anything at all until dd is 18.

Now will you PLEASE back off?

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 11/06/2014 19:02

I used to go to training when I was childminding and there was a childminder in the training session who would bring her baby along. It was distracting and quite honestly, a bit irritating.

Ask first and don't get all huffy if you are told no! :)

Quodlibet · 11/06/2014 19:03

My DD is 6m and I take her to meetings all the time. Today I took her on a planning visit to a special school. Last week she accompanied me to safeguarding training and to a team meeting. I do co-run the company but she's not a major distraction at the moment if it is something where I am mostly absorbing info rather than running things.

makeminea6x · 11/06/2014 19:04

I actually think it would probably be fine. Health and social care can be very amenable to this type of thing.

The law protects you here - you are meant to be supported to bf. On this occasion that means ideally having your baby with you.

If she is wrapped she will not distract others that much.

Read up on your rights, then discuss it with the trainer/ your boss.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:04

Yeah well I'm trying Sybil but it isn't easy which is one of the reasons I really do need this job, only I'm crap as I'm already thinking I can't which is why I wish people would give it a rest with the disorganised and unprofessional comments.

I had DD with me at interview - I explained I had no one to look after her and they were fine with that. It was more of a chat in any case. And for the first time in a LONG time I actually felt pretty pleased I'd done something constructive and I can feel that slipping away now and I don't want it to.

OP posts:
BeCool · 11/06/2014 19:05

OP I would also ask for this thread to be moved to the Feeding topic.

People can be overly forthright in AIBU and there is no need for you to be getting upset about this.

Original poster
whynowblowwind · 11/06/2014 19:05

Thanks. I'm not huffy :) I can ask my friend, it's just some of the language here for something I haven't even DONE is a bit ott!

OP posts:
MrsMook · 11/06/2014 19:05

My babies have accompanied me to my employment agency and Girl Guiding trainings. They've caused no issues by being there. At 2m, they don't do much more than feed or sleep. For regular work, childcare isn't an issue, it's when things come up outside those planned hours.

if the trainer is happy, then there is no problem.

CoffeeTea103 · 11/06/2014 19:05

Sorry that you're in this position but I don't think it's appropriate as well. It's not even an option you should have considered in the first place, if you're trying to be professional. Only you know the setting, as you say it's informal so there might be an exception. However if other people will be at the training, then it will no doubt be distracting for them.

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