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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Text message "banter" apparently

190 replies

hmmmm01 · 10/06/2014 08:08

Hi all. Could really do with another opinion or two on this. My husband (38) works with amongst others, a young-ish lad, 21, who sent my husband a pic of the girl he's been seeing a few times to his work phone with the caption "nice ay?" My husband replied "nice. is she dirty?" and the lad's reply was "quite, v flexible she did gymnastics. had a pierced nipple too". My husband then put "did u get a pic of that?" and he replied "no, but I will" to which my husband said "do it!" Now apparently "do it" is a reference to a clip from Starsky & Hutch with Ben Stiller which he's been saying at work- looked it up on youtube this morning, and it is a big clip. There have been trust issues between us before, although we are fine at the mo- but old habits die hard and I can't help looking on his phone from time to time. Not because I actively don't trust him but but more out of nosey-ness. I know this isn't ideal...
When I asked him about it he went mad and said I was over reacting and it was just lads banter. I know he does get on well with this lad who looks up to him. He says he never expected him to reply about the nipple, and has admitted that if this lad goes on to send a pic of that, he knows I wouldn't like that. But still says "do it!" wasn't effectively asking for a picture. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
hmmmm01 · 10/06/2014 08:10

I should also add I'm 6months pregnant with our third chld so not feeling at my best at the mo and I think the thought of him potentially asking for/ seeing a pic of a 20yr old girl's boobs is particularly getting to me at the mo.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 10/06/2014 08:11

It's a pretty disgusting chain of texts regardless of whether he was asking for a photo or not.

Guitargirl · 10/06/2014 08:12

No you are not overreacting. Ask him how he would feel if you were texting a mate and asking her to send you pictures of her boyfriend's penis.

thebodylovesspring · 10/06/2014 08:12

Yes. It's his phone. His mate.

I sent a perfectly filthy comment about David beckhams body to my friend 5 mins ago.

'Twas just a joke.

QueenofallIsee · 10/06/2014 08:12

I wouldn't like that - the lad that he gets on so well with treats a girl he is seeing like meat and tells your DH personal, private things about her. The 'do it' thing is in the movie but not as a catchphrase on its own, as in actually Ben Stiller repeating do it when he wants something. Your DH wants to see her nipple. Classy.

Not the kind of banter a respectful husband has.

Butterflyspring · 10/06/2014 08:13

foul - they are both treating the poor girl like a piece of meat. Disrespectful to you and her.

QueenofallIsee · 10/06/2014 08:14

Yeah but the body David Beckham is a fantasy, this girl is local and the banter refers to something that could actually happen. Its different

Butterflyspring · 10/06/2014 08:14

ha - crosspost Queen!

oohdaddypig · 10/06/2014 08:14

Oh sorry - probably not what you want to hear. I would be furious too. And sad that my DH had such a horrible leering attitude to women.

Who shares personal information about their partners this way? It is horrible and disrespectful.

KatieKaye · 10/06/2014 08:16

Bad enough in a young lad but vile from your DP. Sorry but he sounds horrid talking about women being "dirty".
Do you have a DD? Would he like to think that when she is about 20 a man old enough to be her father will be sending texts like his? TBH he sounds creepy.
And very immature

chocolatemademefat · 10/06/2014 08:16

I'd be giving him the cold arse treatment for a while. He needs to grow up. Would he like it if older men were talking about his daughter like this in years to come?

ManchesterAunt · 10/06/2014 08:20

Disrespectful to the new girl - but he's not really asking to see a pic I don't think.

PurpleSwift · 10/06/2014 08:24

He sounds very juvenile, a bit pathetic really. I wouldnt like it either

thebodylovesspring · 10/06/2014 08:26

Yes I can see the difference and yes it is childish and a bit pathetic in a man aged 38 but it is still his phone and I wouldn't really like my dh tutting over my messages.

I do see your point though op. But I think it's more daft and embarrassing for him than really bad.

DorothyBastard · 10/06/2014 08:33

Yuck. Does your husband usually exhibit such a demeaning, misogynist attitude?

AnyFucker · 10/06/2014 08:37

Your husband sounds like a creep

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 10/06/2014 08:37

Do you have daughters?

Your H is a sleaze.

Fairylea · 10/06/2014 08:57

Awful derogatory language. I'd be very angry indeed.

ViviPru · 10/06/2014 09:02

Is she dirty? would have been enough for me. I'm looking at DH as I type and just can't imagine him ever texting anything like this to anyone in a million years, even as a joke. Thank god.

newsecretidentity · 10/06/2014 09:05

Yep. By the time I read "Is She Dirty?", I'd have been looking for the door. WTF?

Floggingmolly · 10/06/2014 09:06

Of course he's asking to see the picture... Why would he be so enthusiastically encouraging his mate to get one for his own use only? Hmm
A bit of a sad old man, really. How could you respect someone like this?

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 10/06/2014 09:07

Gross

Preciousbane · 10/06/2014 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 10/06/2014 09:09

The whole conversation is really ugly.

Jumblebee · 10/06/2014 09:10

Me and my friends regularly send each other texts like this, I'd dread to think what state my relationship would be in if my DP didn't think they were jokes Confused

I think it's an age thing. You said your DP's friend was 21? I'm 24 so not much older and have the same type of banter. You DP was probably just joining in because that's the type of conversation he would have with him. It was a joke.