Text message "banter" apparently

[hmmmm01]

Hi all. Could really do with another opinion or two on this. My husband (38) works with amongst others, a young-ish lad, 21, who sent my husband a pic of the girl he's been seeing a few times to his work phone with the caption "nice ay?" My husband replied "nice. is she dirty?" and the lad's reply was "quite, v flexible she did gymnastics. had a pierced nipple too". My husband then put "did u get a pic of that?" and he replied "no, but I will" to which my husband said "do it!" Now apparently "do it" is a reference to a clip from Starsky & Hutch with Ben Stiller which he's been saying at work- looked it up on youtube this morning, and it is a big clip. There have been trust issues between us before, although we are fine at the mo- but old habits die hard and I can't help looking on his phone from time to time. Not because I actively don't trust him but but more out of nosey-ness. I know this isn't ideal...
When I asked him about it he went mad and said I was over reacting and it was just lads banter. I know he does get on well with this lad who looks up to him. He says he never expected him to reply about the nipple, and has admitted that if this lad goes on to send a pic of that, he knows I wouldn't like that. But still says "do it!" wasn't effectively asking for a picture. Am I over reacting?

I'm struggling to work out what group bigdog is in with all his high flying mates that like to talk dirty. Is it a) a train spotting group, b) morris dancing group, c) airfix modelling group or something else? What would bring all those different careers together?

Yo bigdog!

That silence after you told somebody a joke about fucking their daughter/wife/mother. It is akward silence, not awe.

I think bigD is in the Masons

I think bigD is in the Masons - yes, absolutely!

annielouise Maybe he sells Viagra?

I thought the Masons at one point too Anyfucker. What else is all male and a bit iffy but the Masons?

Harmless banter IMO.

Jeremy Clarkson appreciation society annie?

Who saw that programme on Long distance Lorry Drivers and their passion for dogging and piking?

Perhaps he is 'big' in those circles?

No, I think he works in the local corner shop and these are his regular customers. Bet they love spending time in his cheery company.

Oh and by the way bigdog, there's no danger of me exploding in prudish outrage. You're comments are only worthy of a dismissive shrug of the shoulders.

quite possible enormous

Some men live in fantasyland. It's got to be something online. Something boring like warcraft [is there such a thing? sounds about right]. Maybe some characters are called doc and bigdoc thinks he's a real doctor and that they're real friends in real life

Mil My FIL is a long distance driver . He is very quiet too!

I'm struggling to work out what group bigdog is in with all his high flying mates

Toilet cleaner.

Gross. Just gross. Normal men do not behave this way, and it doesn't make them wet blankets. Gross.

OP, come back. We agree with you, that your husband is acting like a nob. It is absolutely no reflection on you

My honest opinion is that if I saw dp had messages like that at 38, I would think that he was joking about seeing a proper picture, and he is probably trying to be cool with this young lad.

I think it's probably a relatively innocent thing but I understand the feelings if you've had trust issues before.

Just thinking about the age of the guy who sent the picture to your husband.

Not that it isn't bad enough as it is, but potentially that girl could be under 18...

Not 'all' of us agree with the OP, actually. And suddenly the bloke has gone from some one who's texting his friend to a potential paedophile. Go figure.

Sorry have been out most of the morning with the little ones. I'm just feeling a bit sick tbh. Can't really respond to the mountain of replies but I appreciate most of them even though some are not great for me to read. BTW the young girl I know is the same age as the lad- so either 20/21, just to clarify that.

What's to figure?

So you feel comfortable with a 38 year old man soliciting nipple shots of a young woman who may or may not happen to be school aged?

Of course you don't. That makes you uncomfortable because it sounds a lot more sinister than "banter"

People want to be able to behave horribly without actually being called horrible.

The answer? Banter...

X post but hopefully still a valid point regardless of the woman's age.

Hope you're feeling better OP

Some sad and inadequate men may try to dismiss their disgusting comments as banter in a pathetic attempt to persuade themselves they are jack the lad. Which is as realistic as pretending they are a high flier who socialises with others. It impresses nobody and signals the sort of person most women give a wide berth to. Which is probably why they have to talk about sex, because they aren't getting any.
Who wNts to associate with a puerile, misogynist prick?

I would be livid.

If my husband spoke like that I would lose all respect for him. Thankfully, he respects women.

It was clearly not a valid point in the context of this thread.

It was clearly not a valid point in the context of this thread.

So you're saying because she's over 18 it is fine? Please explain why. Is that the age where women consent to being discussed in the manner of the OP's text?