WIBU to not hold the baby?

[trufflesnout]

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

No not at all, I love babies but generally decline the offers to hold them mostly coz I'm scared of dropping them!

YANBU. Why should you feel compelled to hold the baby if you don't want to?

Given that you are a mum, you are quite nasty in the way you speak about her - small pink thing, just emerged from her body. I am not lovey over children at all, but I wouldn't write about an inoffensive baby like that.

YABU not to realise she is a hormonal new mum and to have made some polite excuse. "Oh I've had a cold a few days since, better not." Or at least, "Oh , he looks so comfy with you, I won't take him just now."

Personally I imagine she might have been desperate for a pee or something and would've taken the baby briefly for that reason.

YANBU to not want to hold the baby but YABU to refer to her as 'it' and 'thing'.

YANBU. I always say "I'd better not, I always make babies cry (true) and then you'd have to spend ages soothing him/her".

Although obviously NewMum was offering to bestow the highest compliment known to womankind on you, OP, and you've thrown it back at her as though her baby were a rotten kipper but eh, you'll all live

Well no, if you don't want to hold a baby you don't particularly have to. And you clearly don't like babies at all. But when you've just had a new baby you do tend to think they are quite amazing and like people to coo over them too. So while you didn't mean it rudely, in the knackered, hormonal, emotional new baby state she probably took it rudely.

Oh wow OP, you're just so edgy.

Don't worry truffles - the last time I was offered one I also declined. Cue one very upset Great Grandmother who gave me a look so withering I should have died on the spot.

I, too, am not into babies i.e. small pink things (love it!).

I don't think so! More so before I had DD, but still a little now, I dreaded when people brought their newborns into work for a visit and asked if you wanted a hold.

I always feel really awkward and the babies (except mind!) never look very comfortable. I've realised though that if you have your own small person, people assume you must LOVE holding babies. I prefer to admire from a distance and usually tell them I'm recovering from a cold or something.

You sound delightful. Glad I'm not sharing my new baby with you!

Yanbu at all I don't like holding babies either....

I never say 'no thank you' though I normally say 'to delicate I might drop her'

'It and thing' is a little grim though

Nah, you are fine. Not that keen on babies myself- except my own of course, and any DG I might be lucky enough to get .... Always think I am going to get puked or peed on, or worse.

It always strikes me as a bit narcissistic to hate all children apart from your own.

Blimey, skim read and didn't notice you have a DD of your own. I can see you're trying to be 'funny' but it? Thing? Lovely.

Yabvu. You sound as if you're a lovely mum, just like my MIL

I decline sometimes because I have, thus far, been unable to produce my own despite the best efforts of science. Most new mums understand, even when I don't go through the reasons why.

I think the mother was BU to look so hurt, but frankly I imagine your attitude came across in you manner.

Narcissism does come to mind... As someone has already mentioned.

Olga no one has said they hate all babies. Don't exaggerate.

No of course you can refuse.

Mind you if you had refused to hold one of my absolutely perfect babies I would have assumed you were unhinged and possibly would have hidden a dirty nappy in your no dought designer handbag.

I always feel sorry for babies that get passed from one person to another at family gatherings, so I don't join in.
If the Mum looks wounded or offended then I would say that I think I might be going down with something....I know I shouldn't need to but sometimes a white lie just makes things a bit easier

I think the way you described the baby is vile. Seriously you didn't have to hold the baby, but if you came across to the mum as nasty as you did in your op then best you don't have much to do with other peoples children.

It's a baby, stop being so nasty.

Could you not have at least made up and excuse?

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