WIBU to not hold the baby?

[trufflesnout]

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

*an excuse.

No, YANBU.

I'm not fussed about babies, not everybody has to coo over your offspring.

Gosh, lighten up people! It's obvious to me that the OP was trying for humour/exaggerating for (attempted) comic effect. It may have missed the mark for some but "narcissistic" and "vile" is a bit OTT.

YANBU to not want to hold a baby, of course.

YABU if you're trying to be funny because you don't sound funny. You just sound like a bit of an arsehole!

I've had this happen to me on a few occasions, I don't think YWBU. Each to their own I don't particularly like holding other peoples babies I get quite nervous about the situation so I'd rather avoid, plus I remember when I had my own it would annoy me people thinking they could pass the baby round like it's a game of pass the parcel. I also had a mother look at me as if to say why wouldn't you want to hold my baby? It's fine, not everyone wants to.

There are some situations in life where it is just the nicer thing all round to make up a little white lie. Like seeing someone's new house they obviously love but you hate, you just try and compliment the room sizes or something. You get offered a baby to hold and you don't want to, just say you think you've got a cold coming and make up a bit of an excuse, rather than just saying "no".

When I had DS my mom came to the hospital the same day with my dad and my in-laws were there too. I asked my mom if she wanted to hold him, she pulled a face and said no.

I wasn't surprised at all as I know what she's like but my IL's looked absolutely horrified and not amused!

Perhaps you didn't come across as smiley and polite as you thought OP.

If you really cant stand babies it's not the crime of the century. It doesn't mean you'd harm a baby. You can be not keen and have your own even!

Personally i have zero interest in other peoples babies. Unless i am very fond of either of the parents. I've never refused to hold a baby though. Even when to do so was like a knife through me having had a recent late MC. It's best to just have a quick hold and then hand back.

I would be far more pissed off with people dissing my cats.

I have had people come round and freeze at the sight of my lovely pussy!

Others ask for the cats to be put out.

These are always the people I have asked around under sufferance too. Fuck off.

Yanbu. I have nothing against babies, I do like them I just struggle with other people's because they scare me and I have "instincts" for my kids but they don't seem to apply for others. I'm all fingers and thumbs holding other new babies. I don't know why but it just makes me nervous to do it. I'd love to be that person who can hold any baby and ooze confidence and calm and soothing vibes I jut don't have that

thebody cats I can do!! I'd sit and stroke for hours :o

My cousin is 47, no children of her own, and she never wanted them anyway. It is so clear she's on edge around babies we never offer her the opportunity to hold them. Some people just aren't happy around babies.

Sounds to me like you were an unhelpful visitor. Your relative has just has a baby and you choose to visit yet ignore said baby & not even help out by holding it so the mum could go to the loo or whatever she wanted to do.

YANBU, but you sound like a self-dramatising teenager. Having a child but not being conventionally maternal (whatever that is) is neither rare nor interesting enough for you to need to 'announce' the fact to anyone, nor to make sure we get it by pointing out twice that you didn't visit to see the newborn, or calling the baby a 'small pink loud thing', as if you were Spock recently arrived from outer space to study Earthlings' reproductive systems.

We get it, you're much, much cooler than the relative with the baby, or people who lean into prams to chuck tiny cheeks.

Given that you are a mum, you are quite nasty in the way you speak about her - small pink thing, just emerged from her body. I am not lovey over children at all, but I wouldn't write about an inoffensive baby like that

Newborn babies are small, pink (unless they are black, brown etc) things that have just emerged from someones bodies though.

They are normally incredibly shrivelled and coated in dusty stuff too.

After a few weeks they plump up and become gorgeous, of course, but I don't think the OP was being offensive at all. Just factual.

Of course you don't have to hold the baby but I would probably have made up a better excuse to spare the (hormonal) mothers feelings.
I would be a little bemused at some one just saying 'no' with no qualification but then I love small baby cuddles.

Unless you added on to that "No, thank you" with screaming "get thy beast away from me, whore of satan!" and started furiously making the sign of the cross whilst backing violently away YANBU.

People get weird over babies, even when they aren't theirs.

:o @ objection

You'd think she had

Its fine to decline. But its easy to do it politely. Perhaps you didn't want to though.

I'm so going to start using that, Objection

for you to need to 'announce' the fact to anyone, nor to make sure we get it by pointing out twice that you didn't visit to see the newborn
The OP did neither of these things
I don't think she sounds like an "overdramatised teenager" at all.

SelectAUserName - Please do there's not enough humorous reactions to babies IMO

sometimes I don't like to hold a newborn, especially if they're being passed about.

I just either say, 'oh better not I had a ciggie not so long back'. Not helpful if you don't smoke. or 'I don't want to get too close I think I might be getting a cold, i'll keep my distance' or something.

I don't like to see them get passed about.. they've spent a load of time floating in water and then get handed around to all and sundry when they come out.. they must get a bit sore from it.

I never asked anyone to have a hold of my daughter when she was born, if they wanted to I was more than happy to oblige but why would I enforce that on anyone? Just my opinion but, like many others on this post, I'm not much of a 'baby person'