WIBU to not hold the baby?

[trufflesnout]

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

I am not a baby holder either. When asked, I reply, "Oh no thanks, the last baby I held got dropped on it's head." This statement may or may not be true. The child in question may or may not be my own.

Do men get asked the same question with the same assumption that it's a huge honour / something they'd absolutely love? I don't like babies very much and although I fake it I find it hard to gush over pregnancy announcements and new baby visits. At my work plenty of men coo, but I don't know if they get the same 'you must hold the baby' pressure.

It's absolutely fine for someone to just not be a 'baby person' and not relish the thought of holding a new baby. I'm not a baby person at all.

Babies are still people, however, with names and personalities of some kind. They are worthy of a bit of respect and time like everyone else even if they do spend half their lives shitting, puking or screeching. No need to dismiss a newborn baby as 'it' or a 'thing'.

YABU. Not for refusing to hold the baby, but for discourtesy to your relative. Good manners means putting others at their ease, which you certainly didn't even try to do.

Do men get asked the same question with the same assumption that it's a huge honour / something they'd absolutely love?

Yeah, they do get a break for not being baby people. Just because I squeezed one out doesn't mean I'm glimmering with maternal instincts for other people's babies. I don't understand all these "I'm shocked a mother has that attitude" comments. Having a baby didn't change me any. The only thing that changed once I had DD was that my vag was sore and now I had a baby to take care of. My personality, likes, dislikes still stayed the same.

But for what it's worth, my husband's friends all liked holding DD and when they come over they take her from me and give me a rest. But they're also latino and from a more family oriented culture.

Doing society and all "its" future teachers a favour...

Not everyone is excited by your baby. Deal with it.

I have several friends who don't like holding newborns, I don't find it offensive in the slightest.

I don't find the OP's post rude at all, I call babies "it" all the time, including the one currently wedged in my uterus. YANBU to not be interested in other people's children, I'm not interested in anyone's and I don't expect anyone to be interested in mine. but if you don't pat my dog I'll be mortally offended

Hey op guess what? Your not funny and you sound so charming.

If rather shoot my self then have the pleasure of your company

Blimey 2cents. Get out the wrong side of bed this morning?

Op think you have been outed.

It was my2centis baby.

Was it your baby my2centis

Would it really bother you gennz ? I never make a fuss of people's dogs, I didn't think people would be bothered.

I am the same, OP, except I don't have DC of my own. I usually tell people that I'm not a baby person and that I have never held a baby.

When people bring them into work there is usually a queue of people wanting a cuddle so it's not much of an issue!

I do go gooey over baby animals though.

Not an issue about not wanting to hold someone else's baby.

You might want to brush up on your social skills, though. Your response would have come across to most people as blunt, let alone the hormonal mother of a newborn. It gives the offerer no 'out' - ie where does the conversation go next?

Her: 'Would you like to hold the baby?'
You: 'No thanks.'
Her: 'Oh.'

vs

Her: 'Would you like to hold the baby?'
You: 'Oh, don't disturb her, she looks so content there / oh, no, let her stay with you, I always make babies cry / whatever other platititude you are comfortable with based on your own moral code.'
Her: 'Yes, she's a real snuggler / oh, I always do that with other people's babies / whatever response flows naturally.'

It's not about whether you like holding babies or not, or lying, it's about whether you have basic conversational skills.

Gennz I would pat your dog and thebody I would definitely admire the cats and perhaps insist on a cuddle!

It's not about being 'edgy', it's just that some people don't find babies particularly cute or appealing.

Love MN. On this thread, OP being castigated for refusing to play pass the parcel with a newborn of a random acquaintance. How dare the bitch not share these precious days.

Other thread, MIL being castigated for wanting to visit as soon as her grandchildren are born. How dare the bitch invade these precious days.

Was just going to say what everyone else has.

YANBU not to holdthe baby but if you conveyed even half of the sneer that you did in the OP then YABVU. It sounded really snide

Love my children, squee over babies, refuse to hold anyone else's unless an emergency! Totally agree w OP. And babies really aren't gendered in my head either; I mentally zie'd both of mine til they felt a bit more he or she. The little one is still a bit non-gender to me, when he's not clutching his teeny willy in joy.

Oh dear
I understand your feelings, I never wanted to hold babies before I had DD (and still don't tbh - I was scared enough holding my own thinking I might drop her out of the blue). But for future reference I think there's a rule that if asked you HAVE to hold it, unless you can think up some very witty/clever reason as to why you possibly couldn't. I'd go with something along the lines of "oh I would but I've been dropping absolutely everything lately..."

Your writing makes me cringe, sorry

'Factoid'

rather shoot my self then have the pleasure of your company

Probably best to do it the other way around.

Some of you really need to get over yourselves.

YABVU TBH. It's an innocent baby F.G.S. It would have caused you no harm to give the baby a cuddle. I can't beleive how many people seem bitter towards other people's children. I've never been like that. To me every child is beautiful. x

IT'S AN INNOCENT BABY FGS WHY WOULDN'T YOU CUDDLE IT I MEAN HIM OR HER BUT DEFINITELY NOT IT BECAUSE IT IS AN INNOCENT BABY FGS.

YANBU to refuse but I think you have a possible attachment problem. You may love your daughter but I can't see that someone who speaks about babies the way you do, can have meaningful attachment to children even your own.

But please don't speak like this around your own daughter, I think you should keep it quiet but get some counselling. This is not a criticism, please don't take it as that, I wish you well.

Wow. That is incredibly offensive UnrealHousewife,and ridiculous. You don't need to adore other people's children to love your own.