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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why social services put so much emphasis on a tidy home?

139 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 06/06/2014 21:14

Have read a few threads where the poor op has been worried as ss criticise the state of a house. Assuming the house does not look like an episode from Hoarder Next Door, Aibu to believe that a tidy home is not necessarily a happy home?

OP posts:
fledermaus · 06/06/2014 21:15

I dont think they do Confused A home doesn't have to be tidy, it has to be safe and suitable for children to live in.

fluffyraggies · 06/06/2014 21:15

I read recently that in fact an overly tidy house can be looked badly upon as it means the baby isn't getting enough attention Hmm

You cant win!

RedSoloCup · 06/06/2014 21:16

I don't think they do either, safe and basically hygienic yes but not immaculate....

Nicknacky · 06/06/2014 21:16

It isn't show home standard that they are looking for, but a reasonable standard of furnishings, maintenance and cleanliness. You wouldn't believe the conditions people can live in and they think it is acceptable/normal for children to be raised in.

BrianTheMole · 06/06/2014 21:17

They don't. As long as its not filthy. Untidy is ok.

fledermaus · 06/06/2014 21:17

Where did you read that fluffy?

grocklebox · 06/06/2014 21:17

Thats not the point at all. Nobody says a tidy home is a happy home.
They are trained professionals who know what to look for, and what points towards certain problems. What they are looking for, in part, is not a messy house, but a chaotic house, perhaps that someone is unable to keep up wiht basic hygiene. They are looking for things like every child having a bed to sleep in, and covers on the duvets, and a fridge that won't give you salmonella.

Why would you think you know anything about the process from second and third hand comments from people on the other side of the story?

Backtobedlam · 06/06/2014 21:17

I don't think tidy is important, but clean and hygienic is. I wouldn't want a baby crawling round picking up bits of week old food off the floor, or trying to wash hands in a filthy sink.

RhondaJean · 06/06/2014 21:19

They don't.

They look at things like basic hygiene (is the kitchen safe, is there dog shit on the floor), does the child haves bed of their own, appropriate clean clothing, suitable toys (no need to be fancy but ones that would encourage their development). I think occasionally they use the state of the house as a gauge of the parents mental well being as well.

But nah they don't come round to check your sock drawer is in order although people seem to think they do.

MsVestibule · 06/06/2014 21:20

I really don't think SS do expect a particularly clean and tidy house. Generally speaking, if you can see the floor and there isn't dog poo on it, they think it's 'acceptable', i.e. not a good enough reason to remove a child.

What makes you think they do place a lot of emphasis on it?

choirmumoftwo · 06/06/2014 21:20

My midwife (15 years ago) said that to me fluffy. She may have just said it to make me feel better but it does make sense. I couldn't give DS the attention he needed and have an immaculate home (though I imagine it's possible if someone is helping you out).

weegiemum · 06/06/2014 21:21

I was under ss for a while. (Was a malicious report from my mother).

They totally judged.

Too tidy - wrong

Not tidy enough - wro g.

It's not easy!

Philoslothy · 06/06/2014 21:25

A health visitor once commented on how tidy my house was and kept implying that it must be depressed because my house was perfect. I ended up lying and saying that I had a team of cleaners.

unusuallyboard · 06/06/2014 21:25

A friend of mine was reported to SS for an untidy house by one of the ambulance staff they had called out for their DC (asthma related). SS were Confused apparently, as the house was not dirty or unsafe, just untidy.

scarlettsmummy2 · 06/06/2014 21:26

Social workers don't like obsessively tidy houses, as it isn't the best environment for children to live in. They are looking for clean and signs that the parents are coping with parenthood. So as mentioned, beds for everyone, food in the fridge, hot water, interaction between parent and child.

Ihavemyownname · 06/06/2014 21:26

They do and it can Depends on the social worked but one could come in and not say anything and another could tell you it's not to the stanard Hmm then tell you they will be coming round in x amounts of days to make sure it's to a better standard.

HeartShapeStone · 06/06/2014 21:28

Totally about hygiene and safety, no-one is going to be worried about a few dishes, a floor which could do with a hoover or a bit of clutter. They do worry about kitchens where the dirt is a health hazard, floors covered in poo and having stuff lying around which could be a hazard to small children.

There are times when I worry that unexpected visitors (mainly my mum) would judge my house as untidy, but it's never unhygienic and I can't picture social services worrying about the mess levels.

fluffyraggies · 06/06/2014 21:30

It was probably on here fledermaus Grin

Although to be honest it rang a bell from years back when i had my first DD. Might have been something the health visitor said back then.

OscarWinningActress · 06/06/2014 21:30

I would think they just want to make sure you're not living in a crack den. Probably somewhere in between Sleeping With the Enemy and Breaking Bad is the standard to aim for Wink.

littlewhitebag · 06/06/2014 21:30

SW here. A house would have to be totally horrendous for me to take any action. Talking animal faeces all over, no bedding/filthy bedding, stinking, rubbish piled up.

On the other hand an overly clean house with no toys and children confined to their rooms is equally, if not more, worrying. A tidy home is certainly not always a happy home.

As with everything there will be a whole back story to inform the assessment.

keepyourchinupdear · 06/06/2014 21:32

Daniel Pelka who was locked up in a box room with no light & slept on a soiled mattress;was tortured;beaten & starved to death, lived in an immaculate house according to ss.

Philoslothy · 06/06/2014 21:33

I agree the house has to be horrendous for action to be taken.

I doubt that social services would be interested in my very tidy house either.

keepyourchinupdear · 06/06/2014 21:34

Oh & he had no toys & scavenged in bins at school. His school & health professionals who saw him did nowt to save him.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/06/2014 21:37

it has to be pretty messy for social care to worry,

I aim to keep mine as tidy as my social worker friend. she is winning but not by much!

IneedAwittierNickname · 06/06/2014 21:39

Ss used to be involved here (as a result of the state of the house incidentally)

My sw came round one day (during half term) and asked why there were toys out.
Another day she arrived unannounced just as we were getting ready for school and said my house wasn't up to standard as I hadn't washed the breakfast dishes (the dc were actually still eating when she arrived)
The week they were due to sign me off she refused as ds2s bed wasn't made - and I don't mean iy didn't have clean bedding on, I mean I hadn't straightend the sheets that day.

That sw did expect a show home!

However, I expect many don't.