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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid asked to pay for free room

232 replies

kellibabylove · 05/06/2014 13:08

I probably am being unreasonable about this so havn't said anything to the 'grooms'. I'm a 'brides'maid at a wedding this summer for an old friend who I see quite alot so I know all about the wedding planning. Basically the hotel have messed up in a good way and gave them more free rooms at the hotel than they have paid for, contracts signed so nothing the hotel can do about it now.
So my friend has asked me to stay over after the wedding as he would like all the wedding party and family to stay, and id like to, although the venue is only 20 minutes taxi ride home so we don't really need to. My friend has asked me to pay for the extra free room 'at a discount'. I feel like they're trying to make a profit from the free rooms and it makes me feel abit Hmm

I'm spending alot of money for the day on my hair, accessories & shoes which of course I don't mind paying.
I don't know whether I should just get a taxi home afterwards because I feel taken advantage of considering it's a free room and the best men dont have to pay but I'm expected to.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
clam · 08/06/2014 13:58

Oh, wait.... hence asking her to pay = pushing her out! Blush

As you were....

IwinIwin · 08/06/2014 14:00

OP are there any cheaper B and B's or travelodge's close by?

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 08/06/2014 14:18

Iwin, I doubt there is anything cheaper than £20, her taxi fare!

IwinIwin · 08/06/2014 14:47

But isn't it £40? Taxi fare there, £20, taxi far back is also £20. So £40 for the room? The weddings over half hour away, I can't see many cab firms being so generous to £10 each way.

IwinIwin · 08/06/2014 14:47

£40 for the rides*

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 08/06/2014 15:54

If she stays, she still has to get there and back though she may be able to get a lift.

If she doesn't stay at the wedding hotel, she may need a taxi to the travelodge anyway.

I think OP was fine paying her taxi and not staying, it's only now the option of a "non-free" room has come up that it's even in question.

IwinIwin · 08/06/2014 16:11

Oh I know that, I commented earlier about it and suggested she take a cab but she mentioned cloths afterwards and the groom being twatty again and getting their earlier without her DP and so this was another suggestion if easier. If she goes earlier then her partner has to find somewhere to be while she's with the groom beforehand, if there's somewhere only a few minutes away that's cheap then it may work out. Otherwise her DP is hanging around waiting, or she's going to the venue alone three hours earlier in a cab, then he's coming later, or he's driving her there and going back, then getting a cab back and it all adds up.

If there's somewhere cheap walking wise or only a few minutes away, her DP can drop her at the venue, got to the cheap room then walk or get a cheaper cab in.

I wouldn't take the 'cheaper' room at the hotel because the groom is royally taking the piss but if there's a room somewhere else that's on parr or cheaper which means her DP is waiting around or coming later then she could do that instead if it works out cheaper when taking cab and DP travelling into consideration.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 08/06/2014 16:19

Got it Smile!

Original poster
kellibabylove · 08/06/2014 18:04

Im going to arrive in dress, much later than he wants me there as ill already be ready and also minus the bottle of champagne I was bringing for us all for in the morning. Why should I now! I can also be difficult.
DH is going to drop me off and then go home for a bit to take the DD's to my mums then hes going to get a lift back. As I said its not far away so wont be a problem. It wouldnt be fair to expect DH to not have a drink so the taxi one way will be fine. Won't be staying elsewhere as someone pointed out up thread the only need to stay was for drinking into the early hours with a smaller group of people.
Been told by my friend that the other bridesmaids are paying the hotel direct for rooms at the higher price as they need to stay due to location but also don't want to pay for a sublet, I don't blame them.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/06/2014 18:12

... the other bridesmaids are paying the hotel direct for rooms at the higher price as they need to stay due to location but also don't want to pay for a sublet, I don't blame them

Neiher do I Wink It's one thing making personal arrangements for what's needed and quite another being ripped off by someone using their wedding to make a quick buck

Like I said ... ugly

springydaffs · 08/06/2014 18:13

Ugh how unpleasant. And to brazen it out when you called him on it and to be purposefully uncooperative about there to store your clothes when you said you wouldn't be taking a room.

I think he's killed your friendship stone dead. Bleurgh.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/06/2014 18:14

Oh, and can I say your arrangements for the day sound very wise. You're a better person than I am, since quite frankly I'd haved pulled out of the whole thing ...

SauvignonBlanche · 08/06/2014 18:15

He's not getting the hint, is he?

Randomeclectic · 08/06/2014 18:51

I don't know why they didn't just split the cost of the 6 rooms between everyone staying in the 12 rooms, so everyone pays the same cheaper amount without paying for the wedding itself

Itsfab · 08/06/2014 18:53

Are you going to stay friends after this? If not, I would back out now. Why waste time and money on someone you won't see again.

Interesting the other bridesmaids would rather pay more than they have too than give money to the grooms.

Bunbaker · 08/06/2014 18:57

I'm glad that you aren't the only one annoyed with the groom over paying for rooms. So the hotel now has a number of empty rooms they can't sell because of this man's greed.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/06/2014 22:20

Geese he has a brass neck hasent he! He's going to loose a lot of friends.

mammamic · 09/06/2014 11:09

Hi

Please don't everyone jump on me...

I sort of disagree with the general opinion of the thread so in a way, I think you may be being a little unreasonable (cowers from the expected hisses...)

The grooms booked a 'deal' with the hotel and, for whatever reasons, the hotel made a mistake and so the package actually worked out better for them. Whether rooms are free or not, if they made a deal which they are then sorting out directly with their guests, then maybe it's up to them how they distribute the rooms and how much for?

The fact that the other bridesmaids are paying for rooms also gives 'weight' to their asking you to pay also - how would the other BMaids feel to know they all paid but you didn't?

The fact that the BMen are not paying but the BMaids are is a little weird. We don't know all the details but from what you say - on that front, you are absolutely NBU.

And last two, but for me, probably most important points.
1 is it worth losing a friendship and put a bitter taste on what should be one of the happiest days to celebrate with your friend over, essentially, 40? (regardless of who is right/wrong/ unreasonable /cheeky etc)

2 do you think maybe it's gone too far and with everyone's input, focus has been skewed? Your last post talks about purposely arriving later than expected, without champagne that you had already kindly planned to bring along and you specifically say "I can also be difficult"...!

It's your friend's wedding day - why would you want to be difficult over 40? Either stay and pay, or don't and get a cab home. He's not forcing you. I'm sure any of the other bridesmaids/guests will let you put your stuff in their room and get changed (or get changed at home). And all hotels have a left luggage for a nominal fee/FOC.

I think back to my wedding day and the planning and the worst thing I can think of is having to manage a friendship because of a difference of opinion on who should pay for what. He's got enough to think about.

Give him a break. You are totally within your rights to explain that you'd prefer not to spend unnecessary money and you can't justify a hotel when you are down the road. Say it positively and without any 'reprimand' in mind.

Or, if you wanna stay, put your hand in your pocket and pay the 60 - Simples! :)

mammamic · 09/06/2014 11:16

and just to be clear... I would NOT do this to my guests. I would have taken the logical route and factored in my room for free and then divided all the other rooms by the total price so that everyone got a great deal - no free rooms for anyone (other than the grooms) but everyone else gets a discounted price.

And as for losing friends. If all it takes is someone trying to save a few pounds on the most expensive event of their lives by doing what they think is not too unreasonable (which must be how they feel about it or surely he wouldn't be doing it... jus sayin'), then maybe it's the grooms who need to rethink who the true friends are...

clam · 09/06/2014 11:31

mammamic no one is disputing that it is up the the grooms how they distribute the rooms. It is how they have chosen to do it that is causing upset: free for some male friends, charging for others.
But I think you've mis-read about the other bridesmaids. They are electing to pay full-whack to the hotel rather than line the pockets of the grooms with their discounted offer, as a kind of protest.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/06/2014 14:43

No need to cower, mammamic - we're all entitled to our views Smile

Like clam, though, I believe you might perhaps have misread the bit about the other BMs; it seemed to me too that they've chosen to pay the hotel the full rate directly, rather than help the grooms to make an extra bit of money

And yes, of course it's up to the couple how they run things - but then they must also accept others' views of what they've done, including those guests who might not consider them worth bothering with now

Original poster
kellibabylove · 09/06/2014 15:13

mammamic. The only reason I am annoyed is the fact they asked all the wedding party to stay when they realised they had more rooms.
Ive not had an argument with him about it, ive just told him how I feel and that I wont be staying. I don't see the point in carrying it on.

I will be arriving later than he wants me too as I will be ready for the wedding and see no point in bringing the champaign as planned for that short time + he is trying to force me to stay & pay by making things difficult for me, but ive found away around that now by coming later and it doesnt suit him but unfortunately thats just tuff.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 09/06/2014 15:36

No you ignore his strops you do what suits you and get the job done

MistressDeeCee · 09/06/2014 16:14

This really is a sign of the times. So many people wanting extravagant, corporate looking weddings that they expect guests to bear the cost of. I imagine the happy couple sitting at home at table, pen in hand, doing the wedding arrangements "right this is going to cost that, lets find a way to get the guests to pay for it then..ooo dont forget the costs of the honeymoon too, luv"...

Horrible.

Thumbwitch · 09/06/2014 16:21

Lordy, what a cheek!

I have rtft and see you have found a way round it already, but I was going to suggest you pay what they wanted you to for the room but then give them no gift, as your gift would be the cash contribution (if you'd wanted to spend that much on their present, you might not have wanted to!)
It's a shoddy way to treat your wedding party, but even worse that it's only confined to the "brides"maids, and not extended to the groomsmen! Talk about discrimination...

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