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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid asked to pay for free room

232 replies

kellibabylove · 05/06/2014 13:08

I probably am being unreasonable about this so havn't said anything to the 'grooms'. I'm a 'brides'maid at a wedding this summer for an old friend who I see quite alot so I know all about the wedding planning. Basically the hotel have messed up in a good way and gave them more free rooms at the hotel than they have paid for, contracts signed so nothing the hotel can do about it now.
So my friend has asked me to stay over after the wedding as he would like all the wedding party and family to stay, and id like to, although the venue is only 20 minutes taxi ride home so we don't really need to. My friend has asked me to pay for the extra free room 'at a discount'. I feel like they're trying to make a profit from the free rooms and it makes me feel abit Hmm

I'm spending alot of money for the day on my hair, accessories & shoes which of course I don't mind paying.
I don't know whether I should just get a taxi home afterwards because I feel taken advantage of considering it's a free room and the best men dont have to pay but I'm expected to.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/06/2014 12:58

They could tell the hotel about the mistake and allow them to let the rooms.

They sound dishonest.

I would not pay them a bean.

ChineseFireball · 07/06/2014 13:14

I was not aware that making money back was part of a wedding. OP YANBU and I'd make sure I told the grooms to sod off. They have already had something extra from the hotel with the extra free rooms - it's just taking the piss to then sublet them. Tell them to stop behaving like greedy children.

Weasleyismyking · 07/06/2014 13:14

Is it a really fancy wedding? Carry your stuff around in a number of pound shop carrier bags? Wink

Sounds like he's lost sight of what's important and is getting stressed about the cost and sheer enomatity of the day. He must have been a good friend before so maybe give him another chance and sit down with a coffee for a chat. Explain that you're confused why some are getting it free, when others are being used to pay off the day.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 13:15

I am sure another bridesmaid will share or that the hotel will put your stuff in their luggage room.

Are you more friends with the other groom?

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 13:16

The 1am thing may be the hotel limiting when non-guests can order drinks (licensing)

Aeroflotgirl · 07/06/2014 13:18

Gosh what an arse he is! I totally agree with Icansee, I could not do this fir somebody who treats me like that! Do you know the other BM, could you ask if you can use their room to store stuff and get ready. Dud the other BM have to pay for their rooms!

Weasleyismyking · 07/06/2014 13:20

Forgot to say YANBU.

They agreed to the smaller number of rooms and worked out their budget accordingly. The extra rooms should be a bonus. I'd have been delighted if I could put an extra 6 people/families up for free for my wedding.

Also, if the other bridesmaids are having rooms, could you share with one?

Aeroflotgirl · 07/06/2014 13:20

Or store stuff in his car and get ready in tge toilet or something

JonesRipley · 07/06/2014 13:37

I think you could call yourself a GroomsMatron

Rolls off the tongue

yanbu. grabby feckers

SauvignonBlanche · 07/06/2014 14:11

I'd be tempted to tell them to stuff it!

eddielizzard · 07/06/2014 14:13

dear john,

unfortunately i've decided that i can no longer take part in your wedding. trying to profiteer from me by charging more for the room than is reasonable, and then refusing to help me keep my stuff safe has made me question whether money means more to you than our friendship. i'm already having to fork out for hair, makeup, taxi, fucking horrible dress and wedding present.

i wish you all the best for the future and your new life with bg-mug.

either that or give them an oxfam goat for a present.

greedy fuckers.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/06/2014 15:26

Great - so now they're just lying, being awkward and even adding a curfew to humiliate you

Can I ask exactly why you're still involved in this wedding? I'm afraid that for me, the sheer ugliness would have become just too much

Original poster
kellibabylove · 07/06/2014 15:40

I think theyve asked the other bridesmaids to pay but not the bestmen.
Couldn't share with any of the others as we will all be with our partners so it wouldnt work and ive never even met them.
Ive told my friend so sort out a safe place for me to keep my belongings.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/06/2014 15:41

How greedy of them.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 07/06/2014 15:51

Is it too late to back out of bridesmaid duties?

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 15:56

"Great - so now they're just lying, being awkward and even adding a curfew to humiliate you"

I don't think that's the case.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/06/2014 16:08

I think theyve asked the other bridesmaids to pay but not the bestmen

Why?? Just why?????

PomeralLights · 07/06/2014 16:47

If you pull out of the wedding you risk losing the friendship. Is that worth £60? Had they already decided ages ago that the best men would have the free rooms - if they're G&G is there a chance the 'best men' are actually both their friends, i.e. their joint male friendship group? Are they travelling from further so originally giving them the free rooms seemed fair, and now there are more free rooms they figure additional people might as well pay?

It's not the fairest way to go about it I agree and only you can know how much he means to you. Weddings make people crazy. I've written off bigger expenses in the spirit of keeping a bride/groom happy, but you have to find some way of dealing with it if it's going to continue to bother you.

p.s. I doubt the curfew is made up, 1am in a hotel for a wedding party is pretty standard. And of course you're not allowed to keep your stuff in his room!! It's their honeymoon suite! Find another bridesmaid/best man with a room.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/06/2014 16:58

Pom it's not the money, but the underhanded way groom is going about it. Being dishonest to the hotel and not pointing out their mistake. Charging the BM and not best men, how unfair! This would put a dampner on the friendship tbh.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/06/2014 17:03

I think they've asked the other bridesmaids to pay but not the bestmen

Hmm

I'd ring the hotel directly and ask them if they have somewhere where you can safely store your belongings (even possibly bringing a small lockable hand luggage if possible)

Obviously I don't know the history behind your friendship but if it were me I'd be ditching this one, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who's prepared to swindle me so willingly. Maybe he's got caught up in it all and being a groomzilla but the sheer lack of generosity in what should be their celebration is cringingly bad form. You're a better friend than he deserves.

eddielizzard · 07/06/2014 17:06

i agree. the history is important.

if the friendship is already hanging by a thread, this would be the last straw for me. if he were generally a good friend, then i'd probably overlook it as a groomzilla moment.

CSIJanner · 07/06/2014 17:08

So did

  1. the hotel make a mistake during the booking process as therefore have given them 6 additional free rooms which they are charging the BM's for? Or
  2. have the hotel made a mistake by givin more free rooms than they were supposed to by contract?

If it's 2 and the hotel realises it's mistake beforehand, then they might actually invoice the grooms, however they might get away with the hotel not realising as picking the money. But if not, they'll get to pocket the money.

My understanding is that it's 1 though. Which may cause a stink on the wedding day if the people they've conned realise what's happened. At least the OP has realised now

Picturesinthefirelight · 07/06/2014 17:26

The curfew is probably genuine in that hotels have a cut off time for being able to serve alcohol/drinking up time but they are allowed to continue to serve to residents after that point.

But if you don't want to pay for a room don't feel forced to.

Icimoi · 07/06/2014 18:35

I suppose their thinking is that the opportunity to stay there, whether for free or at a discount, wouldn't come up at all but for the fact that they are paying a shedload of money to hold their reception there. From that point of view it actually isn't that grabby. However, their mistake is in letting some people have free rooms and not others. They should offer them all at a bigger discount, or all for free.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/06/2014 18:57

Regarding the "curfew" the OP told us: He said I'd have to leave by 1am as all the non paying guests will be leaving by then

But that's not true, is it? Venues have a cut-off time after which non-staying guests leave, but they'll hardly expect the men with the booked rooms to go ... and some of those haven't paid

Sorry, but behaving like this just isn't my idea of being a friend ...

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