Bridesmaid asked to pay for free room

[kellibabylove]

I probably am being unreasonable about this so havn't said anything to the 'grooms'. I'm a 'brides'maid at a wedding this summer for an old friend who I see quite alot so I know all about the wedding planning. Basically the hotel have messed up in a good way and gave them more free rooms at the hotel than they have paid for, contracts signed so nothing the hotel can do about it now.
So my friend has asked me to stay over after the wedding as he would like all the wedding party and family to stay, and id like to, although the venue is only 20 minutes taxi ride home so we don't really need to. My friend has asked me to pay for the extra free room 'at a discount'. I feel like they're trying to make a profit from the free rooms and it makes me feel abit
I'm spending alot of money for the day on my hair, accessories & shoes which of course I don't mind paying.
I don't know whether I should just get a taxi home afterwards because I feel taken advantage of considering it's a free room and the best men dont have to pay but I'm expected to.
Any thoughts?

[ViviPru]

I don't understand the people saying you shouldn't automatically expect to get the room for free as they have paid as part of their package for the rooms. They haven't paid for the rooms, the ones they have paid for they have decided to gift to half of the wedding party. Its only now they have realised the have more rooms 'for free' that they have decided to charge. Disgusting behaviour IMO.

Very good point well made

[MrsKoala]

I know it seems mad - they are NOT charging for the ones that cost them money, but ARE charging for the ones they got free . And it also seems are trying to convince people who weren't ever planning on staying and who live relatively near to now stay over, just so they can charge them. I think all that guff about having suddenly decided (coincidentally just when they realise they can 'claw back' some money) they want all the wedding party to stay together in the hotel is a load of bollocks and he's trying to drum up some trade for these extra 'free' rooms. It's sad that when they realised they would have these rooms they just saw money signs rather than a nice opportunity to let people stay for free.

If they reaaally were that keen on you all staying, like one big happy family, then they wouldn't charge. It's not costing them anymore after all is it? Or they would divide the cost of the 6 by 12 and give everyone a reduced rate.

[HenI5]

They definitely should be getting an Oxfam goat as their wedding present :-)<

Perfect!

I just told DH the story and his simple reply was
'WHAT?????' and his face was a cross between and He may well have rolled his eyes as well.

[PrincessBabyCat]

What? No "No is a complete sentence"? I thought that was a catchphrase here.

The groomsmen probably aren't paying because they won't put up with this sort of bullshit. Just something to think about.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I agree MrsK, their behaviour is vulgar!

[kellibabylove]

No update havnt spoken to him in person for a few days. I'm getting more pissed off by the day tbh that he/they would be so tight. I'm sure this was a joint decision.

And yes there is no bride. And im married so certainly no maid but don't really know what else to refer to myself as?

He thinks I want the room. Don't know whether to keep quiet, play along and then not stay in the room and not pay them.
They sent an email yesterday to all guests saying they will be sending out hotel 'options' in the next few days and for the people who have already booked "don't worry we havn't forgot about you!" bet they havn't.

[MisForMumNotMaid]

I think I'd say a taxi will cost £20 max. I don't mind getting a taxi, I don't mind contributing that £20 for the room. I can't pay an extra £40 of my house fund to stay. Please let me know what best suits you asap.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

So they're going to send "hotel options" ...

Don't tell me, let me guess: now they've found this brilliant money spinner, they've sourced extra rooms at a local B&B for £40 which they're going to offer out at £80 and pocket the difference??

Sorry

[kellibabylove]

Thats a good idea misformum, theyre still profiting and I wouldnt be losing out that way. But it would still feel a bit shitty.

That wouldn't surprise me in the slightest Puzzle!

[KoalaFace]

But won't you need to pay for the taxi the next day anyway?

If I was you I'd be getting back to my own bed where I could nurse my hangover in peace!

[BOFster]

My head hurts .

But I think the groom is a cunt?

[SuperLoveFuzz]

Marking place. Please update when you can OP! :)

[Aeroflotgirl]

Op you need to say something op or he will think you want the room

[whatever5]

'bridesmaid' is just a generic term for a woman in the wedding party wearing a matching frock isn't it? I have never thought it was literal and expected any of them to be actual 'maids' or anything. All the male gay weddings i know of have referred to 'bridesmaids' and no one was confused.

Maybe to you it is a generic term for a women at a wedding party wearing a matching frock. To me a bridesmaid is someone who helps the bride at a wedding.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Yy, say something - "my taxi is £20 so I'll be heading home, thanks" should cover it.

[Itsfab]

I think you must tell the grooms exactly why you will not be staying. Bad behaviour needs pulling up on.

[ChickenMe]

You could say "I'll subtract the cost of the room from the cost of your wedding present which actually leaves you owing me money".

Money turns some people into the worst people. I don't think people like that realise-better to be a few quid out of pocket than to lose the respect of your friends.

I have known people like that-will happily accept drinks bought for them but will never reciprocate. Basically find it very hard to give but happily take. They lose the respect of others but hey oh they made a few quid so well done.

[WiiUnfit]

YANBU, especially as you're paying for your hair, shoes & accessories, which should be covered by them, already! Fwiw, our bridesmaids have paid for nothing other than their rooms for the night (which are not included in our package!) I think you definitely need to say "Thanks, but no thanks. Having already shelled out £X for my hair, shoes, accessories and your gift, the £20 taxi is a preferable option!"

[kellibabylove]

Well I spoke to him about it last night. Said I feel odd paying for a free room especially on top of all the other expenses im having to pay. He said theyre not free coz theyve paid for the wedding and the hotel made a mistake.
I left it because I didnt want to get into an argument.
So he said id have to leave by 1am as all thr non paying guests will be leaving by then (never heard of a wedding guest curfew but whatever 1am is by far late enough anyway.)
I said to him that all Ill need is somewhere to stash my bag full of personal stuff as obviously not arriving in outfit and will be getting changed in his room. He said the other bridesmaids all have rooms so unless one of them lets me put my stuff on their room I could leave my stuff IN HIS CAR!!! as his room will then be out of bounds!
He's deliberatly trying to make it difficult for me making it seem like I NEED a room when he should make arrangements for any wedding party who arent paying him!
Ive told him to speak to the venue as I will need a place to keep my stuff, you know while I'm performimg my duties for him! arggghhh!

[Celticlassie]

They'll let you leave your bag at reception, I'd imagine - I've done that in the past.

BUT, if he's being such an arse now, do you even want to be part of the day? It seems like he's going to act differently to you now that you've refused to pay him to attend his wedding.

[Neverknowingly]

He seems more interested in making money out of you than anything else. I would not treat any one I liked enough to invite to my wedding like this let alone someone I wanted as part of my wedding party.

[clam]

Is there going to be a room available for you to get ready in beforehand?

He's being quite unpleasant about this, I think, and I'm not sure I'd want to be doing the bridesmaid routine at all anymore.

[BackforGood]

The problem seems to be that some people have been given a free room and not others, rather than the charge itself.
Sure;y it's pretty normal for the couple getting married to reserve all the rooms (and probably have to commit financially to that reservation) but know that all the guests who choose to stay there will ultimately be paying for their room ?
Why would you expect the wedding couple to pay for your accommodation ?
I agree it's more normal for them to not have to pay upfront, but if the hotel has asked for that then it's the hotel that's unusual not the couple.
Agree with others - if the package comes with more than 1 free room - be it 6, be it 12, or be it any other number, then it would seem logical to share the total cost of the paid rooms and the free rooms, between the wedding party guests, so everyone ends up paying £30 or £40 or whatever it is rather than some free and some £60

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I would pull out of the wedding all together.

Then I would email this:-

Dear john.
I am sorry but after the issues over trying to charge me for the free hotel room and not having anywhere to change for YOUR wedding I inform you that I can not attend.
I feel like this has questioned our friendship, and I can't believe a friend would do this, I feel like money comes before friendship.
I wouldn't have mind paying if every other person in the wedding party was, but you asking me seems like I am not as important as the rest of the wedding party.