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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid asked to pay for free room

232 replies

kellibabylove · 05/06/2014 13:08

I probably am being unreasonable about this so havn't said anything to the 'grooms'. I'm a 'brides'maid at a wedding this summer for an old friend who I see quite alot so I know all about the wedding planning. Basically the hotel have messed up in a good way and gave them more free rooms at the hotel than they have paid for, contracts signed so nothing the hotel can do about it now.
So my friend has asked me to stay over after the wedding as he would like all the wedding party and family to stay, and id like to, although the venue is only 20 minutes taxi ride home so we don't really need to. My friend has asked me to pay for the extra free room 'at a discount'. I feel like they're trying to make a profit from the free rooms and it makes me feel abit Hmm

I'm spending alot of money for the day on my hair, accessories & shoes which of course I don't mind paying.
I don't know whether I should just get a taxi home afterwards because I feel taken advantage of considering it's a free room and the best men dont have to pay but I'm expected to.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
EverythingCounts · 07/06/2014 19:06

Do the other bridesmaids know they are having to say but the men aren't? I would be letting the cat out of the bag on that one.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/06/2014 19:08

Oh dear. What a grabby little groom.

Personally, I'd be telling them I was unable to be a bridesmaid now. It will save you the price of the room, the hair, the accessories etc. and the cash gift. And I'd be letting him know that his trying to make it so difficult for me (keep your stuff in his car? Fuck off!) was the reason.

Nasty little man.

Itsfab · 07/06/2014 19:10

I think it is what I said before. They are asking you for the money as they think you are more likely to cough up.

They are charging you for a room they don't have to pay for. Just wrong on every level.

FishWithABicycle · 07/06/2014 19:18

What a cheek!
Friends don't do this to friends.

Say no, and get the taxi home as planned. Let them rent out the room to some other mug.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/06/2014 19:21

Ugh, he sounds like a narcissistic little git, this 'friend'.

Appalling behaviour. And shameless by the sound of it!

I would seriously consider backing out of the whole thing.

MintyChops · 07/06/2014 19:35

YANBU and although it would be tempting to back out of the whole wedding that would be the end of the friendship and that might be sad. He sounds very grabby and not very helpful vis a vis where you can leave your stuff but honestly I don't think I would have wanted my bridesmaids leaving their stuff in my room..... That's why I sorted out and paid for a room for them. What a shame he is being such a tool about it all. Perhaps it has all cost a lot more than they thought and he is panicking (clutching at straws).

FWIW, I would show up, smile sweetly, leave my clothes behind reception and get a taxi home as soon as you fancy leaving.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 19:36

I think non-paying was a typo for non-staying...

Justpickagoddamnname · 07/06/2014 19:46

If he wanted to save money on his wedding he should have had a less expensive wedding.
What dreadful behaviour! It is expensive to attend weddings without being expected to hand over cash to the wedding couple to subsidise their expenses!

DraggingDownDownDown · 07/06/2014 23:17

why can't you arrive in your outfit?

I just assumed that you would be coming in an official car. If not - get ready at home.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 23:38

Dragging - if OP lives a £20 cab journey away, her dress may crease on the journey, or be uncomfortable to travel in.

IwinIwin · 07/06/2014 23:53

Dragging, she may have to do things to help the grooms beforehand. Sometimes for hours before.

PersonOfInterest · 07/06/2014 23:55

I would

  1. Pay the grooms for the room.
  2. Proceed with bridesmaid duties.
  3. Not give them a wedding present.
  4. Ditch him.

This theme should fit in with the style of celebration they have planned.

foslady · 08/06/2014 00:00

After your latest updates I'd bin the wedding and the friendship

Original poster
kellibabylove · 08/06/2014 00:04

No were all meeting at the hotel a few hours before the wedding and getting ready in his room.

I think I will just arrive in my dress tbh.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 08/06/2014 00:23

A very wealthy family member did this. He also charged immediate elderly relativesHmm

expatinscotland · 08/06/2014 00:50

Since you are only 20 minutes away, I would arrive in my dress, fully coiffed. Job done. Then go home in a taxi pre-booked for midnight.

member · 08/06/2014 02:42

I'd be inclined to anonymously ring the hotel & draw their attention to the mistake 're number of free rooms so that they withdraw the extra 6

DraggingDownDownDown · 08/06/2014 07:35

Member - I think they already are aware but have upheld their mistake.

sykadelic · 08/06/2014 07:38

I'd pay for the room, and not get them a gift. There's their "present". You are, after all, going to give them money anyway to help towards their wedding and they told you this is to help with it.

Works for both of you!

sykadelic · 08/06/2014 07:42

I told my husband about this and he said --

"Sounds like he has a problem with her and is trying to push her out. None of that is rational thought".

Aeroflotgirl · 08/06/2014 08:00

Exactly expat, no reason why op cannot get ready at home and arrive already dressed as she does not live that far away.

Lilaclily · 08/06/2014 08:15

Op if you're coming with your partner can't he drive & you leave your stuff in the car ?

HermioneWeasley · 08/06/2014 08:15

Wow, how disappointing to find this out about a close friend.

I think I would go, rethink the gift if you haven't already bought it, get a taxi home and then see if normal service resumes after the wedding is over.

expatinscotland · 08/06/2014 13:37

The the partner can't drink. And she still needs a place to change.

It does sound like you are being pushed out.

clam · 08/06/2014 13:57

If that was the case (deliberate pushing out), then wouldn't the Groomzilla prefer her to not stay at all and leave by 1am, thus missing the sitting around reminiscing in the hotel bar into the small hours?

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