To want my bf of six months to take down photographs of his previous gf who died tragically

[Botagonist]

My bf of six months' previous gf died suddenly last year in tragic circumstances. He still lives in the flat that they shared and I live separately with my two teenagers.

Am I being unreasonable to want him to take down a photo of her that he has in the lounge? It bothers me and makes me feel that I will always be in her shadow.

I have mentioned this before to him but he doesn't seem to understand how I feel and it's still there. I understand that people want to hold onto memories of the past but I feel this is detrimental to the future.

I actually can't believe you compared this to you having removed photos of your ex.

Can't you see it is totally different?

Either you or your ex decided to end your relationship.

Fate ended their relationship- don't you get that?

YABVfuckingU. My best friend killed herself some years ago. He and his lovely DW (who he met a year after) invited me to their wedding.

God knows what 'literature' you've read. I had no idea there was a time scale for grieving

You don't even live with him so YBVU to try and dictate what he has in his house. It might be something to bring up IF you ever move in but certainly not just now

Very unreasonable.

It is his home and one that they shared, she passed away tragically so she's not just an ex.

It's very cold of you I think.

Is this a reverse AIBU? OP, if someone is pressuring you to remove a photo of someone from your home, then please ignore them and find yourself some nicer people to associate with

You are good people Elf You may well be onto something there!

Yabu very unreasonable. My friends girlfriend tragically died in a car crash a year ago, if his new gf started saying anything like this she would have a lot of people disliking her.

Just because you're his girlfriend doesn't mean you're in some kind of competition. The poor woman died. Get over yourself.

Hhhmmm... this seems to be literature about grief... and it doesn't agree with you:
whatsyourgrief.com/grief-advice-photos/

YABVVU.

I'm actually shocked.

OP, your bf's previous gf will always be part of him. Grief for someone you love doesn't go away, it just gets easier to cope with. And if he loved her deeply, he will likely always love her. It doesnt mean he will love you less, or that it affects the way he loves you or your future. If you can't accept it is simply part of him, and respect it, I'm not sure you can handle this relationship.

I've been getting quite wound up on another thread but turning to this is like comic relief.

Of course you are being unreasonable.

So he's supposed to just shut his feelings off about her because an arbitrary period of time has elapsed? If you lost a friend, would you get rid of all photos of them after a period, so that you didn't offend your other friends & make them feel inadequate?

FFS it has been a few months since she died and you have been together all of SIX months. That is no time at all and you have a bloody cheek asking him to do this and I wouldn't blame him if he dumped you tbh.

YABU and unkind. Sort yourself out fgs.

YABU. Why should he not keep pictures of her. I still have pictures of my ex with the DC around and I have been with DP 4 yrs. Ex will always be a key figure in the lives of my DC. It doesn't reflect on our relationship at all.

Oh so unreasonable.

YABU. She will always be a part of his life. If you can't accept that you should go your separate ways and let him find a more sympathetic partner.

What everybody else said OP, YABU. Please accept this and post no more.

Bully for you taking photos of your ex down. You clearly are too stupid to see the difference. He isn't with his previous partner any more because she DIED. You aren't with yours because one of you finished the relationship. Chances are he would still be with her if she hadn't died.

And as for one day he might love you more than her. . Love is not measurable and should never be a competition.

YABVU and if you want to have a future together you have to understand his past.

My step-mum made my Dad put all the pictures of my Mum in a cupboard. There are no pictures up at all of his life when my brother and I were young, and it feels like Mum has been written out. I know there are no kids in this case, but yab totally u. She is dead, she's not going to come back and take him back!

Yabu. Poor guy. It's only last year and you have only been together 6 months. Please see it from his pov or else this relationship will be very short lived. Poor guy.

Yabu

All the literature I've read says to keep your photos up as it helps maintain your bond with the person you've loved and helps the grieving process which can take years. I've read a heck of a lot on coping with bereavement as my dad passed away last year. If I were him I'd have sent you packing when you moaned about it the first time.

This has to be a reverse.

Surely no one can be enough of a self centred twat to post this for real, including the fact that she died 'tragically'

Grief doesn't switch off after the one year anniversary.

She was a big part of his life and he is allowed his memories and mementos.

Yabvu, however, I think he might not be ready fir a relationship right now. Mabey once you get deeper into the relationship, and set up home together than you will nit be unreasonable to not want his late girlfriends picture in your home.