To want my bf of six months to take down photographs of his previous gf who died tragically

[Botagonist]

My bf of six months' previous gf died suddenly last year in tragic circumstances. He still lives in the flat that they shared and I live separately with my two teenagers.

Am I being unreasonable to want him to take down a photo of her that he has in the lounge? It bothers me and makes me feel that I will always be in her shadow.

I have mentioned this before to him but he doesn't seem to understand how I feel and it's still there. I understand that people want to hold onto memories of the past but I feel this is detrimental to the future.

all the literature says that you should take down such things if you are dating again

Ah, so it's one size fits all for grieving now is it?

She's been dead a year so time to dismiss her.

The only detriment to your future is you.

What literature?!

Good lord of course YABU!

He'll take it down if/when he's ready to.

I am married to a widower. His late wife is part of who he is, she made him happy for years, and I will always be grateful to her for that. I thought that was normal (I am certainly no saint!)

Tell me OP is your relationship with your bf a two way thing or is it just about you?

Harsh, but, Ithink, fair.

sorry, botagonist, don't know what "literature" you are referring to, but it is totally irrelevant. There is absolutely no "should" about it.

YABVU

Are you serious? My dear friend died two years ago, leaving a grieving husband and two little children. He's now met a lovely woman with a little one of her own and they have all moved in together. Photos of the whole family, including my friend, are on display. He will never forget her and fortunately his girlfriend would never expect him, or the children, to do any such thing.
Where is this literature that says all pictures of dead spouses/partners should be removed when you start dating again, just as a matter of interest?

I have a picture on my wall that an old flame drew for me about 25 years ago before he died.
My dh wouldn't want me to take it down.

Erm...what literature? I know I said I don't yabu strictly speaking but...

all the literature says that you should take down such things if you are dating again

???????????????????????????????

I don't think you are being completely unreasonable. I think having the photo on display might make someone feel like it's an indication that he is not really ready to move on. In that case I would feel a little insecure too. But i also appreciate it has only been 6 months and perhaps you should be a little more patient. Try to look at it this way... She is not a threat to you. She is someone he loved a lot and was taken away from him, but he has now chosen to be with you and you are helping him heal. You have your place in his heart I'm sure. Just be patient.

YABU - she is no threat to you, the poor woman is dead.

YABU!

Bollocks to what the literature says! He is a person with real feelings, FFS! If I were him I'd get rid of you and keep the pictures!

My gosh OP, there is something seriously wrong with you when you are jealous about someone who tragically lost their life. It would be throwing up huge red flags about this relationship if I were him, I couldn't be with someone so callous and cold hearted.

chipped

Op. Really???

Come back and justify how a dead gf compares with an exbf.

One photo! Your complaining about a single photo of someone he loved and who has died quite recently. YABVVVU

All the literature says ? what poppycock.

FWIW my OH of four years doesn't blink an eye at my wedding photo being displayed and my DH died 14 years ago

What literature OP?

An ex is so different to a partner who has died. Surely you can see this?

YABVU

Woah YABVU!

YABU.

It's a photo. What harm is it doing you?

There will probably always be a part of him that loves her and I think you need to find a way of accepting that. Just because she is gone and he is with you doesn't mean she stops being alive in his memory. Have a heart and take pity on the poor bloke. If you can't do that, perhaps he's not the one for you.

Is this a reverse AIBU? OP, if someone is pressuring you to remove a photo of someone from your home, then please ignore them and find yourself some nicer people to associate with.

She's DEAD. She is not a threat to you, except in your head. Jeez....

I've been with my partner 3 years, and for two of those he had his deceased wife's picture up at home, he also has a tattoo with her name on, I never asked him to take this picture down, nor would I ever ask him to change his tattoo.

He and I met 4 months after she died....even three years on, there is still a lot there....you have to let people go at their own pace. If you don't like it, perhaps you aren't ready to be in the relationship. I did have my moments I guess, but stuck with it, as he rocks. He chose to take the picture down, and I guess he felt ready.

I don't think you can go there, especially so as you don't live with him! Xx