Travelling with HB abroad however teenage daughter not keen.

[MaartjeB]

How can I convince my daughter to come with HB and myself without her constantly saying : I'm not going!
We'll be going to UAE and there are some amazing places over there.
Of course there might be some negative points but I like to believe the positive points outbalance them.
Does anyone have experience of travelling with a teenage daughter?
She has her friends here etc....It's a big chance . How to make moving abroad exciting for her?

Please don't force her to go.

You say one year contract initially. If it ends up being only one year, that's a hell of a lot of upheaval for someone her age, and at a critical time of her education too.

Yes there are good schools in Dubai. Call them and find out how long the waiting list is for them.

Someone mentioned boarding school. Is that something she'd consider?

Yes I emigrated last year with an eleven year old and he couldn't be happier with the move. However I do know of lots of older kids who have struggled a lot with a big move ( and others that love it). Emigration isn't easy for anyone really, but I personally wouldn't fancy trying to move with a stroppy teenager.

If it's for a year, that means she'll lose her school place at home. If you all come back when she's 15, what will she do? Try and find a random school in the middle of a crucial period for exams and qualifications? Not to mention she'll be separated from her friends. If she performs poorly in her exams because of two major moves, that could badly affect her career prospects for life. You need a cast iron plan to ensure some stability during a crucial schooling period.

Without it, this is a terrible idea. Please don't force her to go.

If it is only a one year contract - then I'm afraid that you do have to look at boarding school in the UK, and factor in paying for it for at least 2 years even if it is only a one year contract.
School in the UK is pretty unforgiving, and you need to do both of years 10 and 11, and then 12 and 13 in one place. (If this doesn't make the money figures work, then you could look at State boarding school.)

However, one further factor that does alter my opinions a bit are: will this be to your husband's home country or region? Is your DD his child?

The disparity of income wouldn't be an issue for me (I wouldn't like it much but it wouldn't be a deal breaker). What I have told DH is I will never live in a country where women do not have full human / legal rights.

It's anarchy, frankly. Teenagers aren't allowed to dress immodestly but often do? Roll the dice then, and hope for the best. I bet Marnie Pearce thought living in Dubai would be quite nice, as well...

I wouldn't move anywhere for a year with a 14 year old. That seems a bonkers idea.

My parents had to move for work (within the UK) when I was 15. I stayed with my grandparents during the week & travelled to my parents most weekends.

After O levels I changed schools for 6th form & went back to living with my parents (who by then had moved again - for work).

I have lived & worked in several different countries (including non Christian ones) but I wouldn't want to live in the ME. That aside though she's the wrong age to move for possibly just a year. I think either your husband has to go alone or you need to look at some way she can stay here.

I went to Dubai on holiday a couple of times and initially loved it, the sun, good food, clean shops. But then I began to see it as it really was, built on the frankly slave labour of the Indian subcontinent. I saw workers building skyscrapers in 45 degree heat, saw them sleeping on the roads beside said buildings at night time as they had no homes.

I also investigated the issue and was horrified at the abuses perpetrated against the poor workers, passports being withheld etc. And the abuse of Filipino maids etc goes on all the time.

Needless to say, I won't be back. I know someone whose husband works there, who hates it for that reason, and can't wait to return home. I honestly think you can only enjoy it if you turn a blind eye to the inequalities, which I certainly couldn't do. I understand circumstances may force you to work there, but I don't understand people going there by choice to enjoy the expat lifestyle.

We moved when our children were much younger so education wasn't such an issue but they both found it very hard, my ds didn't really settle properly for a couple of years. I think that people tend to assume that children will settle fast but that isn't necessarily the case, and this is potentially two moves, there and back again.

With that in mind you really need to pin down the school side of things at the very least (both where your dd can get into in the ME and whether she can return to her current school). On the other hand if it was guaranteed just for a year that might be easier for your dd as her friendships will probably survive the disruption. My sister has just come back from Australia after three years and her children have resettled back in the UK (and she has a 14 yr old dd so relevant to this thread). Hard on the educational front, as her dd wasn't learning the same languages in Australia and can't pick up French because she wasn't studying it and so has had to start a new language.

We thought about moving to the ME a year or so ago because I was asked if I was interested in working out there and decided against it as being too difficult for our children at this point (they are 13 and 15). We'll wait until they are at university now (and I think look elsewhere, for me the ME is just too risky on a number of grounds).

well, a years contract does make it a different situation. At her stage of education I would consider DH going alone and you could go to visit in the holidays. If it is a year's contract you also need to check if he would get family status or bachelor status as this affects residence for yourself and DD. If it is the latter he will not be able to sponsor you and therefore you won't be able to get your daughter into school. Plus if the latter only he will get medical, flights to and fro etc.

There are people on the living overseas board who live in separate countries to their spouses, so could get support there if that is what you decide to do. It's not easy, but doable and you will get the benefit of some great holidays. Dubai is a worldwide hub and a great stepping off point for the rest of the world.

Still a bit confused about your post re him going with his girlfriend ?

Another Dubai person here - I say do it! The fact that it is a year's contract may actually help you decide - if it doesn't work out, leave after a year and call it an adventure! If it does, your HB can either extend or find something else. Easy!

I love it here and would not return to the UK for all the tea in China. Most of the negative things on this thread are hysterical nonsense. Your daughter would have an amazing life here and you would have the financial freedom to do things that are not possible for most people on an average (taxed) income.

Make sure that your husband's contract allows him to sponsor you and your daughter's residency and includes your healthcare. The healthcare here is superb and so are the schools.

In terms of women's freedom - some of the above posters are laughable. I live alone here (DP still in UK) and I have more freedom than I know what to do with! I have never had an unpleasant experience (unless you count which used to bother me but now I understand is just friendly curiousity and they are not hitting on me!! :-D) Most of my Emirati female friends would be quite offended by the picture painted of them on this thread - that they are some hideously oppressed minority.

In the UAE, I am free to leave my door open all day knowing I won't get burgled and to stroll home at 2am knowing I will be safe. I am also free not to have half my income confiscated and pissed away by the government! Equally if I buy booze (which I can and do!) I know that I am going to be hammered with taxes - fair enough, it's a muslim country.

Also, don't forget the travel opportunities that there are here. A base in Dubai puts you closer to so many amazing places, not just in the Middle East. The Maldives is less than 4 hours away....

OldFarticus - what would your solution be to the DD if they only stay for a year and she can't find a UK school to take her with the same exam board?

living somewhere that one's natural sexual orientation is illegal would be unconscionable. Not everyone can be bought.

HAHAHAHA! (wipes eyes) What fantastically worthy and high-minded sentiments, nonmifairidere! Why don't you tell us about that time the blue chip multinational came beating down your door waving that gilt-edged UAE expat contract which would have made your family rich; only for you to turn it down in favour of publishing an open letter to Sheikh Mohammed in the Guardian outlining your opposition to his country's position on homosexuality?

Now that I've finished wetting myself with laughter, a couple of points:

• There's a difference between "I can't be bought" and "Nobody's ever tried to buy me/I'm not on the market because I get nervous if I go any more than twenty miles away from Milton Keynes."

• It's sharia law that bans homosexuality. So any Muslim country is presumably "unconscionable" for you. In fact the number of countries in the world where homosexuality is legal is far smaller than those where it's a criminal offence- and the countries that criminalise homosexuality include India, Russia, China, etc, as previously stated. (Even Ireland only decriminalised homosexuality in 1993.) Most of the US doesn't recognise gay marriage. Based on your lofty assertions, presumably nobody should spend a single tourist dollar in any country where full gay rights are not firmly in place. I'm afraid we've narrowed your list of holiday destinations quite significantly, nonmifairidere.

• Lest anyone think that I am in any way anti-gay-rights based on the previous point: nothing could be further from the truth. I'm simply refuting a facile, ill-informed (but quite hilarious) argument. Of course I want a world where gay people do not face discrimination; I'm just not accepting this argument as a reason why I shouldn't live in the UAE, when it's no different from the majority of countries- especially religious ones- in the world.

• The UAE is dealing with the issue of homosexuality the only way it can: by ignoring it. To grant gay rights here (or in any Muslim country) will take considerable time because homosexuality is a serious crime under sharia law- the law that underpins Islam, the religion that is followed devoutly by hundreds of millions of people all over the world. It really isn't as simple as "unbanning it". The authorities are doing the best they can under the circumstances. Gay people aren't persecuted here. They're not prosecuted here unless there's a dispute/an unfortunate rape case/extreme circumstances with a complicated background. I have many gay friends and colleagues here who live perfectly happy and contented lives under the current system. Of course it's not ideal, but the overall issue is almost too immense to contemplate- it would mean changing the fundamental tenets of a major religion.

That said, nonmifairidere, they do say change begins at home. Why don't you make an appointment with the imam at your local mosque in the UK, tell him about your objections, and start the process of changing sharia law, one step at a time? Let us know how you get on.

Bloody hell sun is there any need to be quite so snarky?

It's easy to find prejudice hilarious if it doesn't personally affect you.

OldFarticus I don't pay tax on my booze. I don't need a licence either....

Gilmours Pillow - do you own a winery?? :-o

Am envious....

Mummytime - repeat the year? Use a different exam board? Maybe I have only visited shitty places in the UK but the main difference with kids here and kids in the UK is that those here can read and write, are well mannered (all nationalities) and are not afraid of getting stabbed in school. If only the UK could say the same eh?

The main challenge is that many of them are not streetwise enough to be aware of the risk of crime when returning to the UK.

I can't stay here forever because living here is employment visa-dependent but I dread returning to Britain - the weather, the NHS, the overcrowding. everything being overpriced. But if it makes those who are currently "enjoying" all those things feel better to bleat about gender discrimination and slavery, so be it. It is still complete nonsense, of course!

OldFarticus - my children are well mannered, can read and write and have no fear of being stabbed. However repeating a year is not easy!
If you looked at the Education forums when a family is moving with a 14/15 year old to the UK, you would see the issues.

If I was 14/15 I would refuse to go until I had finished my GCSEs, sorry but the UK education system is inflexible, unlike for instance the US one. One year out is not something it can easily deal with.

Oh and I love the NHS!

I like the idea of a visit before a final decision.

Then it will be a more informed choice.

Good for you mummy time. You would possibly love it less if you saw our lovely shiny clean brand new hospitals that don't smell of shit like NHS ones!

Like I said, possibly my abodes have always been in shitty places and not representative. I don't know the first thing about 14 year old's education but I think any teenager would benefit vastly from an overseas experience.

I'm assuming everyone who lives there is able to freely access those shiny clean brand new hospitals, OldFarticus?

OldFarticus I live in the same country (but not emirate) as you...

Emirati's -yes. Irrespective of income. All government funded. Good for them.

Immigrant workers - depends on whether they have insurance or are able to pay. Most employment packages include insurance and cover families.

My local hospital doesn't smell of shit! (And I have insider knowledge on a lot of its problems.) I like universal healthcare for all. Admittedly I like the nice French hospital we went to for A and E even more.

Please OldFarticus don't come back to the UK!