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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friends DP is unquestionably a twat?

195 replies

NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:25

They went on holiday. Different flights as she had air miles for one air line, he for another, but arriving at around the same time. His flight about 20 minutes before hers and their dc.

On arrival, my friend quickly grabbed her dc something to eat in Arrivals as the dc won't eat airplane food and so had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours. She did not eat herself and rushed kids. She then had to go through passport control, which took 45 minutes, she could not call her DH because no phones are allowed out in passport control of this particular country.

When she got through he made repeated smarmy comments about having been kept waiting and how nice it was that everyone was sitting down and eating while he was kept waiting. She explained that the kids were hungry and how long passport control took, he did not believe it took 45 minutes as it only took him 10, continued to berate her and now even months later still mentions it and maintains he was unfairly treated.

AIBU to think that hungry dc come before grown adult men who can presumably read the paper, fiddle about on phones and get themselves something to eat while they wait?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 23:57

But as I said earlier I'm going to call it a night and I really really am now, I swear

I do honestly think the OP's friend should join MN and post for herself as I really don't see how a 3rd party thread is going to help her, particularly one that has gone every which you like.

Night all

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/06/2014 23:58

Yup, just checked my pp - the was there

I thought OP was NU from the opening post - her friend's dh is an arse.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2014 00:02

Gahhhh! Worra log off and go to bed ffs

Sabrina I and many others 'called this wrong' originally due to our lack of clairvoyant skills.

I've 'admitted' that all the way through the thread (post the important facts)

But the newcomers seem to be reading the replies and taking exception to them, without understanding they were posted before the huge drip feeds.

The woman in question is clearly married to a controlling, abusive arse and the sooner she leaves him the better.

Now if we'd just had the facts from the start, I'm sure most of the replies would be similar.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/06/2014 00:02

worra - I think you talk good common sense on a lot of threads -but I think you got it wrong here. I think the OP got a real kicking she didn't deserve.

puntasticusername · 02/06/2014 00:06

Worra. Go the fuck to sleep before I get Samuel L Jackson to come and MAKE you

I still respectfully disagree, though. I read the OP and immediately came to the same view I hold now - that the OP's friend WNBU. I appreciate that that assertion on my part would carry more weight if I'd said so there and then, but unfortunately I didn't read the thread until much later...

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/06/2014 00:09

Me too, punt. We can't all be posting on a thread right at the beginning. I read the first few responses and was

possiblyprecious · 02/06/2014 00:21

Well my partner would have hated having to wait am hour. HOWEVER, once we had got through and I had explained the reasons, he would have said "all good", and it would have been forgotten.

And there is no way my partner would let me travel alone with our kids in this way -not for controlling reasons but because he would want to help me.

So I think her DP was obnoxious and way out of order.

puntasticusername · 02/06/2014 00:25

But in total, TOTAL fairness...I had a gut feeling about the OP in advance of the further information provided later, and it seems to have been proved right, but I wouldn't claim that my gut is always right or anything it's far too damn big for a start so there's no virtue there exactly.

I just think it would have been good if posters (not just Worra, who I am not at all singling out in this particular post) had taken a bit more time to tease out the issues before coming to judgement, and damning for drip-feeding. And I regret the nature of AIBU - the understanding that posters should just take all the "robust" responses on the chin even when it seems obvious (to me, anyway) that the OP may have made the wrong decision to post in this particular section of mn, and that more sympathetic answers may therefore be appropriate.

fuzzywuzzy · 02/06/2014 00:33

Dubai airport has a restaurants when you get off, and shops and showers. It's also a massive walk to baggage claim and then depending on how the checkout staff are feeling it can take hours to get thro passport control with counters being constantly changed so you have to switch several queues after queuing ages already or you can get thro in seconds...

ComposHat · 02/06/2014 00:41

The man being described is a massive selfish whining bellsniff of the highest order, it goes without saying.

His wife was a tiny bit U for not taking more substantial food onto the plane for the children and opting to feed them on shite for the duration of the flight. I imagine the food refusing isn't a new thing and plans could have been put in place before they left home.

The op was more than a bit U for drip feeding and throwing a massive hissy fit and threatening to get the thread pulled because it didn't give her the answer she wanted and laying into posters when they made a judgement on the limited information she'd given them.

Basically a hat trick of unreasonableness (in varying degrees)

MorrisZapp · 02/06/2014 00:54

But why should posters have to tease out the issues? The op came to discuss her friends relationship which she thinks is abusive, but instead of saying that, she posted one example of the guy being an arse but with possible reason. Then got really shirty when others saw both sides of the airport fiasco.

Clearly, it's not about what happened in the airport. The op knows that, she should have made it clear from the start that she thinks her friend is being abused and that this one example is just part of a much bigger pattern. Then everyone would have agreed and offered support.

puntasticusername · 02/06/2014 00:59

Why should posters have to tease out the issues?"

Just because none of us are perfect, and few of us say entirely what we mean the first time around, and sometimes we all need a little help in getting to where we know we really need to go to, and one hopes that mn might be one of the places one could come to get that kind of help.

That's all, really.

ComposHat · 02/06/2014 01:27

Well punta in that case the op should have said: 'sorry I should have said in my original post is that this part of a pattern and x,y and z is also a factor.I realise this may put a different spin on things'

But the op didn't do that, she started lashing out and generally acting like a bit of a berk because posters hadn't somehow magically divined the wider background and every nuance to the situation.

PrincessBabyCat · 02/06/2014 01:51

Airports are hell.

Airplane food is shit.

DP is a grown ass man. It obviously didn't kill him to wait.

That fact that he's still not over it to point of putting your friend to tears mean he's a cunt. She should take a good look at how he's treating her and decide if her relationship with him is worth this kind of stress.

You should never be worried to tell your DP bad news, and if you are you need to take a hard look why that is.

What she allows from him, is what will continue.

EverythingCounts · 02/06/2014 02:10

I have only read page one, then skipped to end, but as soon as you read that it's months later and the guy is still whining about this, it's clear that he is a dick and that is where the major problem lies, regardless of the sense of sitting kids down for food in Arrivals (which I would not have done myself).

AmberLeaf · 02/06/2014 02:22

The husband is a wanker.

Some of the replies here were arsey and wanky, typiucal AIBU shite.

Relationships would have been better with hindsight.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/06/2014 02:32

She said in the OP that he was still berating her for it months later. It was one of her main points.

MistressDeeCee · 02/06/2014 05:21

I think every poster has stated/agreed the DH is more than unreasonable for berating his DW over this incident months later. This is an odd thread - almost as if this is the only aspect to be mentioned/discussed, anyone deviating from this particular point must be put in their place. As I see it, the airport situation could have been handled a lot better - even send a quick text to say whats happening. Now, thinking that doesn't somehow mean there's agreement that the DH has the right to be yapping on months later - it means, thats what you'd likely do if someone was awaiting you at a destination. Whoever it was. Thats all. Its not for the Thought Police to dictate which parts of the OP people can comment upon, and then try to wear them down. & since when does opinion have to be uniform? Its not even as if there were swathes of posters saying the DH was right. Ridiculous.

zzzzz · 02/06/2014 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 02/06/2014 12:15

I think op that your friend didn't make life easy for herselg.
I fly often with ds2 who has asd, food issues and allergies.
Our trips are planned in advance and I would know where and what he would eat. If all he would eat is digestive biscuits then I would have three packets - I don't give a shit about nutrition but I won't let him get hungry.
I learnt this when we got on board a flight to Barbados and were delayed, on board , for 1 1/2 hours.

DD eats. I wouldn't not feed her because DS2 won't.

But I would have planned to eat as soon as we got off the plane so the 'delay' wouldn't have happened.

Having said all of that the friends DH sounds like massive twat. To whine about waiting is pathetic, to be still whining months afterwards is worse. He sounds like a massive dick.

Perhaps get your friend to post. And maybe suggest she avoids aibu as you say you are aware that it is unsupportive.

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