Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friends DP is unquestionably a twat?

195 replies

NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:25

They went on holiday. Different flights as she had air miles for one air line, he for another, but arriving at around the same time. His flight about 20 minutes before hers and their dc.

On arrival, my friend quickly grabbed her dc something to eat in Arrivals as the dc won't eat airplane food and so had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours. She did not eat herself and rushed kids. She then had to go through passport control, which took 45 minutes, she could not call her DH because no phones are allowed out in passport control of this particular country.

When she got through he made repeated smarmy comments about having been kept waiting and how nice it was that everyone was sitting down and eating while he was kept waiting. She explained that the kids were hungry and how long passport control took, he did not believe it took 45 minutes as it only took him 10, continued to berate her and now even months later still mentions it and maintains he was unfairly treated.

AIBU to think that hungry dc come before grown adult men who can presumably read the paper, fiddle about on phones and get themselves something to eat while they wait?

OP posts:
PPaka · 01/06/2014 23:15

There was enough info in the op
Aibu people just like to argue

FeelLikeCrying · 01/06/2014 23:17

For those who said take more snacks. Entire packets of chocolate digestive biscuits and salt and vinegar Pringles create problems in themselves and that's pretty much all he will eat after the ONE sandwich he will consume (but only if made with the right kind if ham).

May seem like a daft question but what did he eat in the airport then?

AShadowStirsWithin · 01/06/2014 23:17

And even I know that no matter how many "snacks" you pack, a child with additional needs (I have one) will be horrendous unless given a bigger meal type food after 8 hours. Even if those snacks were fairly nutritious like banana and bread, I'd still need it give DD something protein packed and large like a huge plate of pasta with chicken or a bowl of shepherds pie. No amount of snacks would fill her up enough, she would just have a sugar or carb high and then crash again. Protein is what's needed to stabilise blood sugar esp in small children. Great if you had yours can manage with snack food for 8 hours but maybe the children in question can't like mine can't? Empathy people, and being open to others having different circumstances.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 23:19

He had McDonalds. No doubt there'll be a massive outcry at that too!

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2014 23:20

Why did he not bear some of the responsibility for the snack situation? Just because she was the one travelling with him does not absolve him from being a parent.

scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2014 23:20

travelling with them

AnnieLobeseder · 01/06/2014 23:21

In fact, I am feeling absolute rage that this man, who having breezed off and left his wife to deal with two children, one with additional needs, all by herself on a long flight had the nerve to do anything apart from thank her profusely for being such a saint and spend the rest of the holiday making it up to her. FFS, he had to wait in an airport for a few minutes. With, you know, shops and restaurants and bars and stuff. So fucking what? Is he an adult or a toddler? And still banging on months later about how he was inconvenienced by his wife taking 5 minutes to take care of his children instead of rushing straight to him. Wow. Just, wow. What an entitled arrogant wankbadger.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/06/2014 23:21

McDonalds is prob more nutritious than what my dc ate the last time we flew.

scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2014 23:22

Nicki she didn't do anything wrong. She saw to her children's needs and put those needs aheadofher husband's.No wonder he's put out Hmm

AShadowStirsWithin · 01/06/2014 23:22

No I get that - protein, macdonalds is protein, some would say of questionable origin but never the less macdonalds is far more likely to stabilise blood sugar than biscuits and Pringles which are hugely made up of sugar.

With kids like that you get into then what you can get into them, you don't arse around wondering how unhealthy maccy ds is when you know they are heading for a meltdown and haven't eaten properly for 8 hours.

Look OP, I'd stop engaging, people are posting from a position of well intentioned ignorance, it's hard to understand unless you've been there. Repost in relationships when the waters have settled.

basgetti · 01/06/2014 23:22

Nicki your OP was fine and it was perfectly clear that this man is an arse. Some of the responses on here are bloody awful. Some posters just want to be argumentative for the sake of it on AIBU, but how any one could criticise your friend after reading, in your opening post, that she was continually berated and still given grief about it months later, is beyond me. Some people really are twats.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 23:24

Sabrina BOTH of my dc have autism so this is why I relate so strongly to what happened here. My dc can't even bear for ME to eat when travelling, by car, plane etc, just the smell sends them over the edge. They beg me not to before we go Grin

OP posts:
AShadowStirsWithin · 01/06/2014 23:24

Oh xposts, more supportive people have come along now, I agree with Annie, he's a wankbadger!

ElizaDolittle2 · 01/06/2014 23:25

He had McDonalds. No doubt there'll be a massive outcry at that too!

But that's confusing as earlier it was said

For those who said take more snacks. Entire packets of chocolate digestive biscuits and salt and vinegar Pringles create problems in themselves and that's pretty much all he will eat after the ONE sandwich he will consume (but only if made with the right kind if ham).*

I think I've lost track somewhere Confused

ElizaDolittle2 · 01/06/2014 23:26

Ops second bit should be bold.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 23:26

I think you're right to stop engaging but I didn't want to stop posting as soon as some lovely posters turned up. I hope this will be deleted ASAP, then I am going to try to get her to post in relationships. I'm not hopeful though, she's still very fogged up. Thanks.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 23:26

No Worra there was plenty of info in the OP. People just don't like to see men inconvenienced and overlook their bad behaviour

I couldn't disagree more.

From the info in the OP, it looks as though the mother was just trying to appease 2 fussy eaters who demanded food the minute they landed.

It also looked as though she didn't bother letting her DH know they would be late because she didn't really care much.

Totally different now we're all armed with the facts.

AnnieLobeseder · 01/06/2014 23:26

Viviennemary Sun 01-Jun-14 20:44:36
What a mad idea to go on separate flights in the first place. They should have waited for him IMHO. He should leave and find himself a more sympathetic partner.

I just can't get over this post. This woman took a few minutes to attend to her children's needs. Not to get a manicure. In what universe is it unsympathetic to look after your children before your adult partner?

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 23:27

On the plane Eliza that's all he will eat on the plane. After he got off they were able to get McDonalds, which he will also eat. No McDonalds on planes unfortunately. Would be the answers to our prayers if there was!

OP posts:
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/06/2014 23:28

Nicki, I totally understand - and my dc aren't SN - just blimmin spoilt fussy. But Im agreement and not unsurprised by their rejection of airline food Envy < bleugh face

Glad you're getting some more supportive posts now. YANBU.

MistressDeeCee · 01/06/2014 23:28

Im not blaming the woman, actually - Im thinking about the DCs & being without food for that length of time.

I was married to an abusive shit for years - he's long out of my life, thankfully. But in your friend's situation sorry, I wouldnt have been on a long haul flight without some sort of food for the children. Thats awful.

The abusive DH - all you can do is support her. If he is as bad as you claim he is - then be there for her. There's no point coming on here feeling angry on her behalf, you arent necessarily going to get tactit agreement just because your mate is a woman.

The DH yapping on about it months later is a huge red flag. He has control issues. But for me personally, so is leaving DCs without food for that long on a flight where other people around them are eating at the set times, just sounds horrid. I 'get' that others may feel different, and just focus on the man. But you've got to do right by your DCs no matter what the man is doing

AShadowStirsWithin · 01/06/2014 23:29

Annie there are some terrifying views aired on here sometimes but I am quietly of the opinion that the kind of post you quoted says an awful lot more about that posters own relationship than it does about the ops.

MistressDeeCee · 01/06/2014 23:29

Sorry, meant to say you should feel angry on her behalf - but venting at posters who dont agree with you possibly isn't helpful

scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2014 23:29

There was no indication in the OP that she didn't care enough to let her husband know, Worra. None. In fact there was very much and urgency in her actions to get through passport control because she knew what would greet her on the other side.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 01/06/2014 23:29

So far as at the time goes, he may N have B entirely U. Most countries have a "no phones out in passport control" rule (the UK does, for example, and that's scarcely exotic) but she could probably have called/texted him from wherever they were eating pre-passport control to let him know what was going on. And if I had DCs who refused to eat airline food I'd have brought on simple food for them rather than rush them to get food the second we landed, or fed them the other side of passport control (that's ignoring the one-child-has-SN detail that you didn't drip-feed, just told us an hour and a half after your OP, and the she-was-scared-to-call-him detail that you also didn't drip-feed, just told us at around the same time, or the he-would-have-refused-to-stop-for-food-after-passport-control detail that you didn't drip-feed, just told us 45 minutes after your OP. Obviously those would change the situation but they weren't in the OP).

But that's enough to justify (possibly) a bit of a very transient feeling of slight miffedness on his part - not something to be going on about even an hour later, let alone months. And he should be taking his own children, or a share of them, on the plane. Mine are NT but if we were flying on different airlines we'd split the DC between us -- even more sense in that if one has SN and needs more focused attention.

And given all the details that you didn't drip-feed but just temporally shifted to later in the thread, obviously he's a complete arse.