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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friends DP is unquestionably a twat?

195 replies

NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:25

They went on holiday. Different flights as she had air miles for one air line, he for another, but arriving at around the same time. His flight about 20 minutes before hers and their dc.

On arrival, my friend quickly grabbed her dc something to eat in Arrivals as the dc won't eat airplane food and so had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours. She did not eat herself and rushed kids. She then had to go through passport control, which took 45 minutes, she could not call her DH because no phones are allowed out in passport control of this particular country.

When she got through he made repeated smarmy comments about having been kept waiting and how nice it was that everyone was sitting down and eating while he was kept waiting. She explained that the kids were hungry and how long passport control took, he did not believe it took 45 minutes as it only took him 10, continued to berate her and now even months later still mentions it and maintains he was unfairly treated.

AIBU to think that hungry dc come before grown adult men who can presumably read the paper, fiddle about on phones and get themselves something to eat while they wait?

OP posts:
Itsfab · 01/06/2014 21:03

Whatever went on it has been months and she needs to tell him to stfu about it now Hmm.

PlumpPartridge · 01/06/2014 21:05

They're pretty hardcore in the Middle East about rules like no mobiles in airports though - I lived there for 15 years and stories of being matched off by armed police abound. I don't blame your friend for being cautious and I think she did the correct things under the circumstances.

Her DH sounds like a twat though.

splendide · 01/06/2014 21:06

Sorry if you're upset. Look, sounds like he got by far the better deal on the journey and he is ridiculous to be going on about it months later.

I would have expected a text to say they'd landed safely though if it was my partner and children. If they were going to eat then I'd like to know then I would get something while I waited. I would not have been angry though.

Why on earth didnt they have one child each?!

fifi669 · 01/06/2014 21:06

Got something for the kids, didn't eat herself but rushed them.... Says meal, not a packet of crisp or something you could take with you. I'd be livid! Not months later though....

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 21:11

But that's the thing splendide. She knew he'd be angry about it and give her a hard time whether she texted him or not! she said she felt like crying with stress when she saw the queue in passport control because of how he'd be and was just grateful she'd fed her kids because she knew they couldn't wait much longer. She felt like she had to choose between making a judgement call and feeding her own kids and pleasing him. I know this man and there's a lot more to it than I have posted. But I personally think this particular incident stands alone as evidence of twatishness. She doesn't want to leave because "it's not that bad" and "a lot of blokes are like that". Going by much of this thread, she's not wrong is she?

OP posts:
flippinada · 01/06/2014 21:13

Yanbu at all and I understand why you feel angry on your friends behalf.

Never mind being angry, I'd have thought he be happy to enjoy the peace and quiet for a few hours - although I appreciate this is just a snapshot I'd hazard a guess that is one of those cases where it's one in a long line of such incidents.

flippinada · 01/06/2014 21:16

Which is a garbled way of saying yes, he sounds like a twat and I bet he's done similar before.

splendide · 01/06/2014 21:18

Sounds like there's loads more to it to be honest. If the queue at passports made her worry about HIM rather than anything else then that sounds like a horrible relationship to me. Very difficult for you to help her if she doesn't see it that way though.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 21:19

As for those who said dc could wait, wait for what? He wouldn't have stopped to eat on the other side, they'd have had to wait another hour during the drive to where they were staying and the faff of cooking or preparing something once they got there. So that would have been TEN hours with no food. She knew this and acted accordingly. In fact knowing him as I do it's highly likely he'd have berated her for NOT feeding them. This is what he is like, she can never do anything right. I didn't want to post all these details but the attitudes on this thread have made me so sad for her. Hopefully it will be deleted soon anyway.

OP posts:
splendide · 01/06/2014 21:22

You can't expect people to get the "right" answer if you leave out info though.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 21:22

You're drip feeding again OP

If you'd put in your OP that one child has SN and the Dad wouldn't allow them to eat so they would have had to wait 10 hours, I'm sure some replies would have been very different.

You're right to get it deleted, as to be honest the drip feeding isn't helping anyone...let alone your friend.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/06/2014 21:26

Um....you sort of have to post the details so people can take them into consideration

It's not very reasonable to leave them out and then get sad/cross when we don't magically come up with the right answer

ElizaDolittle2 · 01/06/2014 21:27

I'm sorry, but if I knew children wouldn't eat on the plane ai would have taken snacks with me that they would eat. We have done this in the past for my niece.

He shouldn't still be going on about it now though.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 21:28

She did take snacks Eliza but the kids ate them all.

Talisawasnotsupposedtobethere · 01/06/2014 21:29

This is the biggest non event in history, and I cannot believe anyone is talking about it months later!

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 21:30

worra I am not drip feeding, I believe that the OP stood alone. I have been upset by the responses so ended up saying more than I should have.

And to be honest I make it a point to never respond to your invariable second or third post after the OP on AIBU because it's usually so unpleasant and unsympathetic that it sours the thread for quite a while just as it did this one.

For someone who appears to "live" on MN, with your lightening response on almost every thread in AIBU, I think you have a certain responsibility not to be lead the threads in this way and I honestly put a lot of the bad reputation of AIBU at your door because of your unpleasant posting style.

Anyhoo I will go back to ignoring you and your relentless nit picking entirely, as I usually do and I dare say be the happier for it.

OP posts:
TheHappyMonkey · 01/06/2014 21:31

I agree. my initial reading of this made me think, well she should have taken plenty of food with her if she knew they wouldnt eat plane food, and she should have texted him to say they had landed. I probably wouldnt be thrilled if I was in his shoes but equally I wouldnt be banging about it months later.

TheHappyMonkey · 01/06/2014 21:32

I mean I agree with Worra. Awkwardly timed x post!

ExitPursuedByABear · 01/06/2014 21:32

He is a twat.

HTH

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 21:32

I think all details needed were in the first couple of posts. Especially the one where his seat mate didn't even know he was travelling with his family, despite them being across the aisle from them.

Leaving now, hopefully thread will go soon as I feel guilty for sharing more than I should have.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 01/06/2014 21:33

Gosh.

ElizaDolittle2 · 01/06/2014 21:34

So they wouldn't have not eaten for ten hours as they had eaten the snacks??

I think this is a bit of a mountain out of a mole hill. Confused

ExitPursuedByABear · 01/06/2014 21:34

Double gosh.

I think worra is funny.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/06/2014 21:35

For someone who appears to "live" on MN, with your lightening response on almost every thread in AIBU

worra - you're famous! Grin

Give over nicki - if you don't like worra's posts then report them or pm her but don't get into it on the thread. Bit bad form

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 21:36

For someone who appears to "live" on MN, with your lightening response on almost every thread in AIBU, I think you have a certain responsibility not to be lead the threads in this way and I honestly put a lot of the bad reputation of AIBU at your door because of your unpleasant posting style.

Oh that sort of post is so last year! Shock

I just don't get as much time these days to post my lightening responses on almost every thread Grin

Either way, I'm sure the responses would have been quite different if it weren't for the drip feeding.