To think my friends DP is unquestionably a twat?

[NickiFury]

They went on holiday. Different flights as she had air miles for one air line, he for another, but arriving at around the same time. His flight about 20 minutes before hers and their dc.

On arrival, my friend quickly grabbed her dc something to eat in Arrivals as the dc won't eat airplane food and so had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours. She did not eat herself and rushed kids. She then had to go through passport control, which took 45 minutes, she could not call her DH because no phones are allowed out in passport control of this particular country.

When she got through he made repeated smarmy comments about having been kept waiting and how nice it was that everyone was sitting down and eating while he was kept waiting. She explained that the kids were hungry and how long passport control took, he did not believe it took 45 minutes as it only took him 10, continued to berate her and now even months later still mentions it and maintains he was unfairly treated.

AIBU to think that hungry dc come before grown adult men who can presumably read the paper, fiddle about on phones and get themselves something to eat while they wait?

at the risk of being seen as a terrible bum licker I think worra is funny too. and also right in this case.

No fuck that, don't tell her to PM me!

Thanks

Anyway, I have the responsibility of maintaining MNs bad reputation to uphold.

I'm off to be sarky to other drip feeders, just incase no-one has stepped in to do it for me...

Are you accusing me if arse licking?

Perish the thought.

shudder

worra . Yes, I did think the pm might be a bit of a liberty

Anyway, mustn't hold you up. You've got a reputation to uphold!

Nicki you should have posted in relationships. The fact he is going on about it months later is a big fat red flag. The fact that she was so worried about his reaction on getting through passport control is a big fat red flag. The fact he is happy for her to juggle the children while he has a completely stress free flight is... you guessed it another big fat red flag. I suspect if you posted on Relationships people would tease out all the other lovely behaviour this man displays to confirm your instincts.

I normally hate the arselicking and cheer leading of certain posters that goes on here, but I have to say I HEART worraliberty.

She is the voice of reason and common sense on a sometimes crazy mumsnet, and seems to always post exactly what I am thinking!

If you haven't been put off OP (can't say I blame you mind) post this in relationships, where you'll generally get a more considered response.

Well if I knew my DCs didnt eat airplane food (why, anyway?) Id have taken a packed lunch with me in hand luggage. They could have drinks on the plane, couldnt they? Any mum would do that so I cant see why your friend didnt, and then expected her DH to mind-read what was happening. So I dont think he is BU in being left waiting on that aspect. But he is BU in still mentioning it months later. Whats the point? Unless there are other issues this particular one is clouding...

Huh. I am deeply considerate.

uh oh...just went to previous page and read rest of thread...seems details were being given bit by bit. Dont know what to think now - but still cant see why snacks couldnt be given on plane/what mate's DH did at the time that was so heinous. Were the DCs without food for hours?

Im not sure that this isnt just a story bitchin about someone else's husband. Sorry..something just doesnt sit right here, cant put my finger on it, but anyway..

Why would anyone even notice who puts out "lightning responses" (I might start checking now, tho ) and why does it matter? Id love to come on here and have people agree with my every post, but, alas...

Still dont think this story sounds right.

I do notice worra a lot these days. We are often on the same threads and she says it like it is.

I would feed my uh kids too after a flight, waiting for family members...

He sounds like a petulant grown kid.

Why are you getting involved in this, actually?

Well if I knew my DCs didnt eat airplane food (why, anyway?) Id have taken a packed lunch with me in hand luggage.

^^This. But the DH sounds an arse anyway.

As for the OP, Worra was right, you were drip feeding.

I don't understand why they chose such a far away holiday destination if the journey was bound to be so incredibly difficult - or didn't she get a say?

Why would anyone even notice who puts out "lightning responses

Exactly. And it always amuses me when posters accuse other posters of living on MN as how would they be able to pass such a criticism unless they were here a lot of the time as well?

Why are you so overinvested in this?

Your 'friend' WBU to feed her DC a meal after an 8- hour flight during which she had ample opportunity to plan for and give them something suitable.

You sound like you're spoiling for a fight.

I suggest you let it go and get your friend to fight her own battles if she exists

had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours
^
I am trying to fathom why anyone would have put their DCs through such an unpleasant experience in the 1st place.

If I was waiting for my partner & DCs to come out of Arrivals and I saw loads of other people appearing, but not them. Id be worried. & then annoyed to be told they were eating. Rightly or wrongly, thats how Id feel. It would have been simple to arrange snacks on the plane.

Even just going out for the day with DCs, me or any mother I know (& probably those I DONT know!) wouldnt even conceive of leaving the house without snacks for the DCs. So whats different about a plane? But between man & wife I do wonder why they haven't had this out, then resolved it. No point DH yammering on & on about it months later

Also - eating places at arrivals - phones DO work. So that bit of the explanation falls down straight away

I've done this with my abusive stbx
No-one can understand the dread and the stress, the fear rising up from the pit of your stomach, knowing he's waiting for you to call and going to give you hell about it, or even just throw it in your face every time you mention travelling.
While you are just trying to hold it together to get the kids through it

Op- I'm so sorry this thread has turned out this way, because your friend needs help to get away from this controlling abusive man

Right this is the last time I am posting.

She was too scared to phone him she knew he'd be a twat. He always is.

One of the children has SN, he won't eat or drink anything on the plane, not water, nothing, only what his Mum brings. His diet is restricted anyway and while she brought snacks they weren't massively substantial due to the nature of his needs. Had he not eaten rapidly it's likely he'd have melted down.

The DH never helps with the dc, ever. They've been to this location before and she knew it would be a struggle to get the dc fed if left to him so took the decision to feed them before passing through passport control to alleviate the problem.

The went to this destination because family live there.

I am invested in this as she is my relative and I love her. I changed details so as not to be identifiable.

I have NOT drip fed, I have been questioned and ended up relaying details I would rather not have. I kept them out purposely.

I am absolutely disgusted by the need to blame a woman who only fed her kids, over a man who had a tantrum and berated her because he had to wait a while and still is months later. Surely anyone with half a brain cell can see that someone who is doing that is probably quite an unpleasant and bullying person. I am disgusted by those accusing me of being a liar. WTF is wrong with you?

This is not the MN I have been on for the last six years and it's not somewhere that feels safe and pro woman anymore.

Thanks PPaka I know as well because my own ex was just like that and like the person I am posting about I was too paralysed to get out of it. I identify so much with what she's going through but can't get through to her but no one could get through to me either.

Just can't wait for this thread to be deleted tbh.

One of the children has SN, he won't eat or drink anything on the plane, not water, nothing, only what his Mum brings. His diet is restricted anyway and while she brought snacks they weren't massively substantial due to the nature of his needs. Had he not eaten rapidly it's likely he'd have melted down.

Sorry -I'm really not being difficult but the answer is to bring more snacks. Your friend was really lucky that the plane wasn't delayed or her DC melted down in the queue for the food.

It makes me feel sad to think of him being out in that position at anytime, not just the airport so definitely worth over packing

OP I don't understand the responses you are getting, it's never ok to be around a man who you are scared of telling that you have made a judgement call (like feeding kids, taking a detour, different every day decisions) to the point you feel sick in your stomach. Even if he didn't think it was wise, most normal people can accept their partner is doing their best, looking after the children and that is that. As for going on about it months later, he sounds extremely odd indeed and quite scary.

I hope you find a way to support your relative about this- perhaps repost in relationships about how you can do this, rather than focus on the one incident when it is clear the whole relationship is problematic.

If you post a thread on AIBU then you do have to accept that not everyone is hoing to agree with you.

I'm really not sure why posting on here would help? If you relative wants to end her marriage then she needs support in doing that.

Sorry but I don't see how this thread would achieve this in any way shape or form.

Oh and finally, she didn't ring him because she was hoping to get through passport control quickly enough that it wouldn't be noticed that she'd stopped and then when she saw how long the queue was she was too scared to ring him.

So happy none of you have to deal with that in your lives but try just a little empathy for those that do.

You may feel that I drip fed, I disagree. But as those details came out, no one became supportive, if anything they became nastier and certainly more disbelieving. Horrible.