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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friends DP is unquestionably a twat?

195 replies

NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:25

They went on holiday. Different flights as she had air miles for one air line, he for another, but arriving at around the same time. His flight about 20 minutes before hers and their dc.

On arrival, my friend quickly grabbed her dc something to eat in Arrivals as the dc won't eat airplane food and so had not eaten anything substantial for about 8 hours. She did not eat herself and rushed kids. She then had to go through passport control, which took 45 minutes, she could not call her DH because no phones are allowed out in passport control of this particular country.

When she got through he made repeated smarmy comments about having been kept waiting and how nice it was that everyone was sitting down and eating while he was kept waiting. She explained that the kids were hungry and how long passport control took, he did not believe it took 45 minutes as it only took him 10, continued to berate her and now even months later still mentions it and maintains he was unfairly treated.

AIBU to think that hungry dc come before grown adult men who can presumably read the paper, fiddle about on phones and get themselves something to eat while they wait?

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 01/06/2014 20:48

My eyes are raised at her being the one to take the kids - but tbf in a similar situation, I'd want to have my child - so may not be his "fault".
She's (they are) daft for not packing food - of course you can pack a meal. I'm sure her snacks were as much a meal as anything grabbed on the way to passport control. Btw I'm curious where had food - no airport I've been to has meal type food incoming airside.

As for not even dropping him a text. Bollocks. You can text without being seen, or when you see a big queue you can go into the loo to text - if you can find somewhere to but food, you can find somewhere to text. I would expect my partner to send a "landed!" text. Though he may not have done either.

The going on about it still is totally out of order though.

ExitPursuedByABear · 01/06/2014 20:48

I doubt this is her biggest problem.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 20:48

Seriously though if he's still moaning months after the event and making her actually cry about it, their problems are way bigger than her not caring about him waiting.

Perhaps the best support you could give her is to tell her to join MN and post about her marital problems.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:49

Personally as a parent I would have just been relieved they were fed and so the pressure was off, but obviously I am almost alone on that Confused.

OP posts:
cees · 01/06/2014 20:49

Of course he is a prick, he should be very thankful not moaning about having to wait 45 mins months after. Twat

YADNBU

Cabrinha · 01/06/2014 20:49

And based on the comment on the other flight doing nothing...
She needs to forget about this particular incident and decide what to do about the wider problem.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:50

I'm not sure I would do that worra considering the reception this particular example received.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 20:51

Well not me, though we're all different.

But personally as a parent, if they'd refused the airline food and eaten all the snacks I'd given them, I would have told them to hang on a bit longer.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/06/2014 20:51

Can't she join and get support herself?

TBH -unless I'm a forum member, the views of a forum would be relatively meaningless to me

I wouldn't feel cheered up if a friend told me that all the lads on Pistonheads were behind me

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:52

Well one has additional needs and wouldn't understand about waiting and she can hardly feed one without the other.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 20:52

I'm not sure I would do that worra considering the reception this particular example received

What? You mean a few people disagreeing about the feeding issue, but almost unanimously agreeing that he shouldn't be going on about if months later?

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:53

But I didn't post on pistonheads. I posted on MN, which she won't do, because I hoped she would be helped by seeing many posters taking her side.

OP posts:
Scrounger · 01/06/2014 20:53

I'm with Mrs TP, my first thought would be sort out the children if they were hungry. She didn't stop to have a nice relaxing meal with a glass of wine but grabbed something before joining a queue. My DH would know he had the better deal having a child free flight and would be more likely to sympathise with me over that than moaning at me because I took longer to get through customs.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 20:53

Well one has additional needs and wouldn't understand about waiting and she can hardly feed one without the other.

Anyone got a life jacket? Hmm

splendide · 01/06/2014 20:53

There are restaurants before passport control in a few airports I've been in. I think Amsterdam is like this. I don't believe any airport like that would have no mobe phones in all areas between plane and passport control though.

Anyway I'd be annoyed at no message or anything and them stopping to have a meal. He may well be a twat but I think it's reasonable for him to have been irritated in this circumstance.

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:54

Yes, because she feels right to have fed her kids and I agree and to be told that HE should leave because SHES the selfish one as one particular poster said would just about crucify her I should think.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/06/2014 20:55

My point is, then when you're not a member of a forum, then the views of the people on the forum are relatively meaningless. You generally don't care what they say. Or at least, I don't

I'm just wondering, if your friend can't or won't join msnet, is she ok with you posting on here about this?

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:55

America and the Middle East don't let you have mobiles in passport control.

OP posts:
Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 20:56

Yes, I told her MN helped me leave my own horrible DH, she said she wouldn't dare post herself but I could.

OP posts:
splendide · 01/06/2014 20:57

Not in passport control but they do in the bit before where the shops and restaurants are.

ExitPursuedByABear · 01/06/2014 20:59

So she wants to leave him?

Original poster
NickiFury · 01/06/2014 21:00

Maybe juggling two kids and ALL the luggage (he only took carry on on his flight) plus tearing to get through to the person she already knew would be twattish about it made it a bit difficult to phone.

Anyway I am leaving the thread now and will try to get it deleted because I would hate her to read some of these posts. I obviously misjudged things.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/06/2014 21:00

So are you going to tally up all the yanbu's and tell her so many posters took her side. How is that going to help her?

Joysmum · 01/06/2014 21:00

My DH would have just got the look that says 'shut the fuck up or I won't be responsible for my actions'.

They say a picture is more effective than a thousand words and a tactic I resort to rarely. Grin

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/06/2014 21:02

and to be told that HE should leave because SHES the selfish one as one particular poster said would just about crucify her I should think.

Who said that? I need to re-read this thread, I think

Maybe try posting on the relationship board.

The issue with canvassing the opinion of any members of the public (which is what this basically is), is that it is very rare for people to unanimously agree. So maybe, if she is this fragile, it's not good to post. Particularly in AIBU as you might have to lie to her about what people have said. Or, she might decide to look for herself. It's quite a specific issue so wouldn't be hard to find the posts

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